Well, i was unfortunate enough to get assigned to hit up an event mid-week and i paid the ultimate price for it... a hangover from hell complete with hell's most furious bats singing "Figaro" in my head.
But it wasn't completely a waste seeing as i got to do what i love doing... No, not drinking, i'm talking about observing people.
As the night wore on, i saw a lad torment his friends with his douchbagery and overheard one say that he (the drunk) is the reason he doesn't enjoy going out.
Every group of friends has one of those... actually, every group of friends has one of these:
This guy always forgets his wallet and visa card at home -conveniently though, he didn't forget his thirst at home. Don't get me wrong, once in a while boys buy each other pints but this chap is always the recipient... and they ambush you -they never let you know before hand that they're skint (broke).
This chap goes on to drink asthough liver cirrhosis is a myth!
This lad isn't even of the human species. This chap is homostupidus. How else can you explain a lad going to the club JUST to pick a fight?
This chap will instigate fights over silly misunderstandings such as "This chap looked at me wrong!" What?! And they expect you to validate their stupidity by backing them up in a fight.
I know you should have your boy's back but not when he is clearly the antagonist! And this goon idiot always picks a fight with the biggest chap around!
If your weekends usually involve nursing wounds the morning after, you need to improve the gene pool you hang out with.
This is the lad who goes out expecting to get lucky. He picks out a strategic spot in the club and wastes no time eye-rap*ng every lady. The worst thing about this chap is that when he gets tipsy, he begins touching himself... Inappropriately... This chap is also really good at creeping behind ladies who only become aware of his presence when he begins uhm... Let's just say they "feel" his presence.
Problem is, this chap harrasses lasses that are spoken for and their lads are never flattered by the attention they are showing the lass in question.
There is nothing wrong with hitting the club looking to get lucky but do not harass the female patrons. And creeping up to a lady dancing with a partner is just suspect!
This chap complains from the minute you hit the club to the point you want to cause him to bodily harm. The music isn't hype enough, the women aren't attractive, the drinks taste flat, the music sucks, your shoes suck, they hate their lives blah blah blah!
Anyone who does this should be slapped! These guys are the worst downers ever! If you didn't want to come out you should have stayed home.
This chap is bursting with energy and always wants to cram the night with a visit to EVERY club around. This lad doesn't understand why you are grumpy at 6 in the morning when they suggest passing by Q's... After you've already been to Volar, Brew, a house party in Kitengela, Mercury ABC Place, Mollys and steady sippin at some random parkinglot.
This chap will even have the energy to suggest you go to church for a service after all your debauchery!
Mr. Passed Out
This is usually a hybrid of Mr. Leech and Mr. I-can't-handle-my-liquor. This chap passes out on the dancefloor if you're lucky and if you aren't, this lad will pass out in the toilet... pants down... Bleurgh!
This chap always passes out and rarely ever recalls the previous night's proceedings and this is usually the fattest and heaviest in the group.
This chap takes dancing to a whole other level. He dances to every song in the latest high school/ natty/ safara moves. This chap will wait for the lass you've been chatting up to agree to dance with you then start grinding on her as you dance with her and not understand why you got pissed and the lass left.
This is also the chap who will dance asthough he is having uhm... coitus on the dancefloor.
Why is he even in your circle? Promptly proceed to slap him then exile him from your circle, no one likes a cockblocker!
Mr. Vomit machine
This chap always vomits. Then vomits some more. The only time he isn't vomiting, he is about to start vomiting. This lad takes projectile sports very seriously as is shown through his dedication to vomiting.