After Dumping Meek Mill, Nicki Minaj Now Declares Her Love For Kenyan Writer

 The fine moods of rejoice and jubilation filled the Ghafla offices today morning as sexy and bootilicous American rapper Nicki Minaj revealed to TMZ that she was dumping her boyfriend ‘Weak’ Mill for Ghafla columnist Philip Etemesi. This comes in the wake of Nicki’s ex, Mr. Mill being belittled by fellow rapper Drake in one of the harshest diss tracks ever known to mankind.

Etemesi himself couldn’t hide his joy on hearing the news, but while the turnout of events has come as a surprise to many, the writer says he saw it coming. These were his exact words:

“I have always loved Nicki Minaj. I poured out my heart to her a long time ago and I always believed that one day she’ll come through. I am so happy. I know I can’t afford her but she can afford me so it’s all good. I can’t wait to tap that A***”

Elsewhere, members of Etemesi’s extended family are said to be lining up hundreds of cows for dowry purposes. Etemesi’s father was contacted by local journalists for a word on the monumental revelations but he was coy and rude. His only response to them was ‘gerrarahere mien’ . Apparently he’s only willing to talk to BBC and BET. It’s amazing how life can change.

Meek Mill meanwhile is said to be in a state of shock and disbelief. Today the noose of shame has tightened on his rhino-thick, Ciroc-fuelled neck and he is facing the mockery he deserves. Unconfirmed reports claim he might be suicidal. His feud with Drake, who also happens to be a long time friend of Nicki disappointed the female rap superstar. But the yummy rapper was prompted to dump her D-lister boyfriend after he became the joke of a nation following Drake’s diss track ‘Back To Back’.

For Meek Mill to play the ghost-writing card just because Drake didn’t tweet about his album is a cheap piece of faux outrage deliberately designed to stir up unnecessary racial tension where it shouldn’t exist. Shame on you ‘Weak Mill.’

“Good riddance. Nicki doesn’t want to date fake dudes that’s why she chose Mr.Etemesi. Meek Mill is always yelling instead of rapping and that irritates Nicki to death. ”, a statement from Minaj’s spokesman read.

Speculation is rife as to why Nicki chose a man from the so called ‘hotbed of terror.’ Haters are conjuring up tales that Etemesi has joined the Illuminati. But showbiz analysts say that Nicki was impressed by Etemesi’s persona as well as his deep knowledge on romance and hip hop matters.

“He is currently a writer so influential that he could write about farting and guys would still read. Nicki is impressed by that“ ,wrote Jack Ronald of The New York Times .

Meanwhile, Drake is recording a final ‘nail in the coffin’ diss track towards Meek Mill titled, ‘You Are Too Ugly To Keep A Girl’. That’s definitely gonna be huge.