CABU GAH DIARIES: Sauti Sol’s Sura Yako Remix is A Joke! Iyanya Totally Screwed Up A Classic Song!

I was busy dancing along to Sauti Sol’s Sura Yako. Having the time of My life Lipala’ing my waist away…And then the horror happened! Iyanya stepped in the room! And permanently screwed up My day. And My song. And My life! I will NEVER RECOVER!

Sauti Sol is Kenya’s Biggest Music Band…Ok,lets face it,Africa’s Biggest Music Band. Yes,And I am including Amadou and Mariam,that legendary blind couple from Mali and Mafikizolo and….ummmmm…who else?? Radio and Weasel? Yes! Oh,Wait…there is Lady Blacksmith Mambazo…Well,allow Me not to compare Sauti Sol to those. For now. But they are quickly catching up..Quickly.

Anyhu,When Sauti Sol drop a jam,You can be assured it will be a monster jam. A song that will permeate Your soul and spirit and bones and psyche. A song that will change Your life. And alter the curve Of Your existence. That’s who Sauti Sol are; sensuous,sexy,sultry,unbelievably gifted,fresh,talented,captivating,charming,and popping.

No one does it quite like the Kings Of The Bedroom,Sauti Sol. From their debut serving Lazizi to the steamy Nishike to the titillating Money Lover and now to the majestic classic Sura Yako,Sauti should by now be a syllabus to be studied in Kenyan Universities like Beyonce and Lady Gaga and Jay Z are studied as a thesis in Major American Universities.

So far,Sauti Sol have NOT done a song quite as masterly as Sura Yako. It is the Official Kenyan Anthem! They totally owned 2014 with that song. Actually,after its release,Kenyans quickly forgot the little drama that Nishike had started eliciting. Nishike was quickly,and almost permanently,pushed to the gutters with the majestic arrival of the monster track that is Sura Yako.

And then Sauti Sol decided to go the Diamond Platnumz way and do a remix to an already overwhelmingly popular song with a Nigerian Artiste. Great Idea. But the greatness ended when the chosen Nigerian Artiste was none other than 2008 MTN Project Fame West Africa winner Iyanya Onoyom Mbuk. Iyanya is actually not soooo bad an artiste. With songs like “Kukere” and “Jombolo”,Iyanya is not exactly a washout.

Trouble,however,came in when Iyanya jumped onto the Classic Sura Yako gem like a fat toad and did such a horrendous job,He totally spoilt the whole purpose of Remixes ever!

For starters,Iyanya’s voice,no matter how much embellished and garnished it was,couldn’t match up to the super-heavenly Sauti Sol vocals. Iyanya’s intro is a huge joke…He starts off like an Italian Pizza delivery boy on a Pizza festival in downtown Milan. He yodels and warbles so incongruously I had to first pause my song to confirm I was actually listening to the Sura Yako Remix…Not an Blood-sucking Ethiopian Tribal Ritual chant.

Iyanya doesn’t stop there..In the spirit of totally massacring a classic,He goes ahead and completely misses the beat and goes off-tune…meandering allover the place like an old train in Malaba. He grobbles and grumbles all along…attempting,disastrously,to do the Lipala dance and ends up looking worse than his voice. Looking like overfed gym instructor in Baba Dogo.

Sauti Sol’s vocals are sent from heaven. And outshining Sauti Sol vocally is a tall order! You cant! You just can’t! Iyanya,obviously,didn’t know that! He went ahead with it…And crawled along for the superb video too….Dressed up in a skirt! Or is that a bandana around his waist??

Iyanya couldn’t hack it. Couldn’t deliver. And couldn’t match up! He failed miserably…Failed harder than Megerer Langat attempting to sit through a CORD meeting.

And then he went further…And started yelling “Asante Sana….” “Asante Saana”! Asante for what?? Why are You saying Asante?? Just to show that You now know Swahili?? And can speak it?? That ‘Asante Sana” ad lib was as useless as a helmet in a Gor Mahia Match. It was uncalled for. And horribly executed.

But Iyanya doesn’t stop! No! He goes on….And,towards the end of the song…attempts to,once gain,ad lib the song! Damn Bro! Let the Kings Of Ad Libs do their thang! Its Sura Yako…Not a random Afro Beat song done in some random Lagos studio.

You must MATCH UP! Or SHUT UP! And I am Not even alone here…80% of the Youtube comments that accompanied that Remix all agree with Me; Iyanya did a crappy job. Crappier than two used diapers. You can browse through the Youtube comments HERE.

And as for the video?? Should we even go there?? Enos Olik is a genius. The girls in that video?? Well,another joke!I wont even attempt to say they were dancing…Because that’s an insult to the Art of Dancing!

Exactly what are those girls doing in that video?? Dancing?? Staring into nothingness?? Prancing around like Hannah Montana teenagers?? Befuddling the viewers?? What exactly are they doing?? And why are they doing it?? I was confused. I still am.

And is that Victoria Kimani?? If she is…she better stick to what she knows BEST; DOING GREAT MUSIC. Appearing randomly in videos to throw around Your blue hair is NOT a job You will ever excel in,Miss Kimani. And if that’s her impersonator…Well,she nailed it!

Sauti Sol are making Kenya proud…Yes,Africa proud! And the last thing they needed was Iyanya. Showing up like that…butchering their classic jam and shit!

Great attempt tho…And Go,Go Sauti Sol…We may never find Your replacement. NEVER! You are a gem. A National Treasure.