CABU GAH DIARIES: The Madtraxx Magic. How To Do Idiotic Songs. And Still Top The Charts…And Conquer The Dancefloor.

Madtrax is one of Kenya’s most,eerr,Famous? Popular? I dunno. But he is one of Kenya’s ,Ok,I need to attack this sentence from a different angle. Madtraxx is a Kenyan musician. Who does songs…time after time. Phew!

You do not need to have a very high IQ to understand Madtraxx’s music. Or like it. Heck,You do not even need an IQ at all. Madtraxx is not the sleekest of Kenyan musicians. His choice of stage name,for example,doesn’t betray alot of intelligence…If we can start from there. For You to sit down and settle for a name as mouthy and pleonastic as Madtraxx,You must ether be real dumb or real careless. Or both.

Maddtraxx,for a start,doesn’t take himself seriously. At all at all. Its not even clear what he really is…Rapper? Singer?? Rambler?? Umm,its hard to categorize him. But when he hits the studio,all hell breaks loose. To appreciate Madtraxx (Gosh,I am getting tired of typing that name) You must first understand that he likes everything simple. Simpler than a nursery rhyme. Or a Kindergarten End of Year graduation.

Madtraxx’s rhymes are pretty simple and plain and ,sometimes,dumb. And the themes of his music…Oh,a whole ‘nother story. Unlike Wyre,or Muthoni Drummer Queen,Or Wangechi,or Anto Neo Soul or Sauti Sol or Elani,Madtraxx’s music lacks depth. And so many other things. And yet,YOU CAN NEVER BEAT MADTRAXX.

His videos,for a start,are the laziest Music videos ever. From watching them,You get the feeling that all Madtraxx does is wake up one lazy morning,grab a couple lazy idle girls in his neighborhood,holla one lazy video producer and proceed to ramble and laugh and chant and boggle infront of the cameras. And within 3 days,or less,the whole thing is hastily compiled and released as a music video. His videos the simplest piece of work. With the slightest effort or skill or adeptness. Unlike the videos that,say Octopizzo or Jaguar does.

Madtraxx came about after the release of the playful “Nitaride Boda Boda‘ crunk jam. And BOOM! A Dancehall star was born! Boda Boda gripped audiences. And cemented Madtraxx’s name and presence.

And then he did “Raundi Hii Si Mchezo” with his sidekick,Mejja and the obsolete Jimwat. Raundi Hii Si Mchezo was,once again,a joke of a song. Filled with the lamest lyrics and the crappiest music video. Still,It blew off like a suicide bombers’ head. Big Big hit!

And then he did “Skamares”. Which,in all fairness,was just a simple,indolent mumbo-jumbo sang to the tune of the nursery rhyme,Skamares. Skamares was nothing but a sleepy effort at song-writing. And a murderous attempt at rhyme. And the video?? Well,plain as hell. A goat would have shot a better video. Still,Skamares was A HUGE,HUGE HIT! Blowing up dancefloors form Nairobi to Meru to Kapsapet.

Again,he did “Fire Fever Lighter Speaker”. Isn’t that the lamest title for a song ever? Yes,it is. Who names a song like that?? Like some Western Crime/Drama Novella? And yet,even with such a flimsy title and even more asinine lyrics,Madtraxx still conquered the dancefloor! Again! Damn!

Again,He did “Poa’. A song with the silliest chorus ever. Ad the storyline? Juvenile. Dont even get me started on the irksome “Poa” refrain. Nonetheless,Madtraxx conquered the dancefloors! Again! And topped the charts! Even with a Music Video that wouldn’t even excite bored teenagers at a Government Camp.

Before long,He came with “Get Down”. A fairly nice track…with the usual lackluster lyricism and fatuous rhymes. Did that matter to music loving Kenyans?? NO. He still blew up! Real Real big! And ruled the charts harder than The Queen of England.

And then “Dabotap”…A song whose fuss and hype I am yet to comprehend. But knowing that tapping into the selfie craze and social media infatuation would sure sell,Madtraxx went ahead with the song. Which,honestly,was quite catchy. Like all his songs. But,as usual,pretty senseless and uninspired. And the video?? Once again,a simple joke! But as for the impact of “Dabotap”?? Well,the song went platinum! It could easily be the biggest song of 2014!

And now we are dancing to yet another senselss Madtraxx song “Nyongwa”. Firstly,How You name a song “Nyongwa” is baffling. But surrounded with a partner as epigrammatic as Mejja,that title isn’t really implausible for the duo. And with lines as tacky as “Unaniangalia nakurushia mbili,Nakushika haga,unaskia thithi” Madtraxx again sweeps the medals for the lamest lyrics ever! As for that music video? One word: Eyesore. But still,the beat is right. The execution is impeccable. And the delivery is catchy as hell. Once again,Madtraxx trounces the rest! And emerges as the preeminent Dancefloor King. The Boss Of The Nightclubs.

Even when surrounded with artistes whose music,lyrics,songwriting skill,music videos and production is super immaculate,Madtraxx still murders them all. One by one.

It doesn’t matter who You are. Or what You do. When Madtraxx comes for the Crown,He will get it! With the cheapest lyrics,lamest song and shoddiest video.

How he puts in sooo little effort and still rules the airwaves so mightily,I will never understand.

In the meantime,Nyonga…Eh…Nyongwa…eh..Nyongwa…Eh…..