It’s often said that men are the bravest when it comes to the human race. However, there are things that really do terrify them as much as a snake can scare the hell out of a woman.<\/p>\n
There are certainly some things men dread and just the mere thought about them drive them crazy.<\/p>\n
Just the mere thought of someone going Lorena Bobbit on my dick makes me cup my balls like I\u2019m a mother hen protecting her offspring. Men are legitimately terrified of being castrated. They treat it as if it\u2019s this thing that can just happen to them, like paying taxes or getting a parking ticket. \u201cI went to the corner store and a crazy homeless person cut my dick off!\u201d \u201cI was having sex for four hours straight and my penis just fell off into their vagina\/butthole!\u201d I\u2019m pretty sure it doesn\u2019t happen like that. T<\/p>\n
he only way you\u2019re getting castrated is if you go to Cancun on spring break and end up getting kidnapped by a bunch of devil worshippers who want to use you as a ritual sacrifice. (That seriously happened. I saw it on E!) It\u2019s a totally irrational fear but I get it. Men love their penises.<\/p>\n
Even if your dick is two inches and bent like a U-turn, you still cherish it and send it love letters. The thought of my dick just up and leaving my body one day makes me want to dry heave. Did you see that movie Hard Candy<\/em> where Ellen Page plays a boy\/girl who lures an internet pedophile into her home?<\/p>\n Well, she gets a little knife happy with the pedophile\u2019s dick and when I saw the scene in theaters, I had to avert my eyes and use my tub of popcorn as a barf bag. I mean, good for Ellen Page for showing that pedophile who\u2019s boss but\u2026<\/p>\n There is nothing realer than a Napoleon complex. Let\u2019s be honest, straight men are PISSED about being short. They want a refund on that body. They want to take it back to the manufacturer and tell them to add four inches to the frame. I don\u2019t know why they\u2019re so upset about being 5 foot 7. (By the way, short guys always lie and say they\u2019re 5 foot 9. EVERY SINGLE TIME.<\/p>\n It\u2019s the universally agreed upon magic height for short guys. \u201c5 foot 7? Are you kidding? I\u2019m 5 foot 9, 5 foot 10. Stand up, stand up!\u201d They\u2019re also TERRIFIED of tall girls. \u201cIs your friend Lana coming?\u201d They ask, their voice trembling. \u201cThe chick who\u2019s like almost six feet tall?\u201d I don\u2019t see what the big deal is. In my experience, short dudes have the biggest wangs so, you know, it all evens out in the wash.<\/p>\n Even typing \u201cerectile dysfunction\u201d makes my dick shrink and retreat. Is there anything more frightening than a dick that doesn\u2019t work? IT\u2019S IN YOUR HEAD, IN YOUR HEADDDDDD (zombie zombie\u2026) No but really, it is in your head sort of. Sexual anxiety is REAL and will cause you to have serious performance issues. I can\u2019t even talk about it anymore because now I\u2019m scared that my dick won\u2019t work the next time I hook up with someone. I\u2019ve cursed myself!<\/p>\n You know what I hear when someone mentions male pattern baldness? I hear, \u201cTEARS, EXPENSIVE HAIR TREATMENTS, MY FUTURE.\u201d Men love their hair almost as much as they love their dick. In fact, if you could just put a giant penis on top of their full head of hair, all males would be set for life.<\/p>\n \u201cI got a new job that pays six figures so that\u2019s cool. I found someone to love me so that\u2019s pretty sweet, I guess. I got named The Best Person Ever by Everyone In The World magazine so that was nice.\u201d They only emit emotion when the topic turns to their dick, their hair, or their height.<\/p>\n Credit:\u00a0https:\/\/thoughtcatalog.com\/ryan-oconnell\/2012\/08\/5-things-that-terrify-men\/<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" It’s often said that men are the bravest when it comes to the human race. However, there are things that really do terrify them as much as a snake can scare the hell out of a woman. There are certainly some things men dread and just the mere thought about them drive them crazy. Check […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6036,"featured_media":50611,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[43296,43295],"class_list":["post-50592","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-lifestyle","tag-lifestyle","tag-men"],"yoast_head":"\n2. Being short<\/h3>\n
3. Erectile dysfunction<\/h3>\n
4. Male pattern baldness<\/h3>\n
5. Caring about anything<\/h3>\n