Hilarious Ways To React When A Bouncer ‘Freezes’ You At The Entrance Of A Club

When I was 21 years old, I still had difficulty getting into most Nairobi night clubs. All this was because of my baby face. Bouncers just couldn’t believe I was above 20. or maybe they were just jealous and feared i might ‘chipo‘ all the babes. I ended up hating nightclubs, but then I realised that wouldn’t really help would it? Etemesi shouldn’t give up. Etemesi doesn’t give up. I decided to be smart hence figured out ways to deal with bouncers, ways that always worked. With time, the ‘freezing’ stopped.

I am aware that many of you young folk might still be facing the same problem. Here are the 5 best ways to react when a bouncer freezes you at a night club.

Insult him

Yell obscenities at the big man. Just make sure your legs are as quick as Kemboi’s so that you won’t have to endure a thorough beating after ‘kujichocha’. Tell him how he should return his little brother’s t-shirt and get himself a larger one. By the way I still wonder why bouncers still wear those tiny tight fitting t-shirts. It’s pure torture coated with absurdity.

Threaten him

I bet you know all those classic threats e.g “Unanijua wewe kweli?” “Mwenye hapa ni uncle yangu” or “ Baba yangu ni karaol”. Throw tantrums that’ll leave people amused enormously. Trust me, those guys look all sulky but these little threats make them piss in their pants. They’ll beg you for mercy like you are The Lord himself on Judgment day.

Bribe him

If you had planned to use 1000 bob on drinks, sacrifice that 300 bob for the stubborn Incredible Hulk at the door. However, you cannot use this technique if you love club hopping. You can’t go around making it rain on bouncers instead of strippers. So this approach should be the last resort. Only use it when you are planning to stick in one club the whole night

Walk away

Yes, just like a scared puppy. Just like ‘Courage The Cowardly dog’. Walk away with your tail between your legs. Cry if you can too. Kick City Council dustbins in anger on your way home, Lament to yourself how life is unfair. Having to walk away might be the most pervasive and emotionally challenging component of the experience but better safe than sorry right?