The 10 Commandments Of Clubbing….You Should All Have Them at the Tip of Your Fingers

Dear brethren, Feel free to christen me the modern day Moses because today I am going to give you the 10 commandments of clubbing. Dear Israelites, Partylites and Alcoholites. The heavens have spoken. Adhere to these rules that I give unto you and you shall live happily ever after.

1. Thou shall not order expensive liquor for your friends then ask them to contribute to the bill

When you have gone out as a group of friends, there are those guys who always feel like they should order expensive liquor like Jameson or Johnnie Walker for everyone. The only problem is that these guys ask for a harambee when it comes to paying the bills. Come on. Why should you order expensive liquor for me then ask me to pay for it , Behave idiot.

2. Thou shall not have raw lungula with a one night stand

Enough emphasis has already been put on this. People still don’t listen but they should.. Never raw dog a chips funga. I repeat…never raw dog a chips funga. Once again…..never raw dog a chips funga. Now let’s sing……never raw dog a chips funga. X3. Get it? Just because they’re hot doesn’t mean that they don’t have an STD . Whether you are the fungarer or the fungaree, don’t accept it. Love yourself first.

3. Thou shall not hang out with douchebags

It annoys me when my night is ruined because I have to take care of a drunk friend. It’s a major chore that one doesn’t even get paid for.

And you don’t get the gratitude you deserve because the said friend would be like, “Mazeee I was so drunk last night I don’t remember A THING”.

If yes, stop hanging out with people who can’t regulate their alcohol intake. They aren’t doing you any favours. Such friends only serve to bring you down and take the fun you deserve away.

The thing is, a lot of people tolerate such annoyances because they care about how they seem like to others. E.g. they don’t want to come across as petty or a downer in the group.

But they forget what is best for themselves.It’s more fun to be with a group you’re more in tune with. You can even grow as a person. Don’t hold back on your own standards and I’m certain you can find a group where you truly belong in.

4. Thou shall not hit on another man’s girl

Then there are always guys who think that they are excellent pick up artists. They hit on each and every chic they see, even prostitutes. Bad behavior. Always keep off people’s girlfriends.

5. Thou shall not leave without knowing the whereabouts of the people you came with

Care about each other. I salute chics for adhering to this commandment better than men. It’s always nice to know where you friends are and who they have left with. Don’t just assume they are in safe hands. Shit happens.

6. Thou shall not leave your drink unattended

If you accidentally leave your drink unattended even for a minute, forget about I and get a new one. ‘Mchele’ is real. It has always been. Ever since alcohol was invented, people have been drugged, gotten raped or had their valuables stolen

7. Thou should wear comfortable shoes

I see chics at clubs all the time who wear heels that are too high, and they end up complaining the entire night about how much their feet hurt. Another thing that women do that I don’t really understand is that they take their shoes off and think that it’s completely sanitary to walk on the city street barefoot. So unless you don’t want foot fungus or glass in your foot, wear comfy shoes. Wear flats if you want.

8. Thou shall not hit the club earlier than 10pm

If you are a party animal, you know when the insane music hits the club and that’s when you enter the club to groove and get down on the music.

9. Thou shall walk away from danger

Frustration, irritation and anger can be easily built up in a club. And they all seem like they’re justifiable. After all, you didn’t do anything wrong. Does this mean you should start a fight or even confront your supposed adversary?

No.

You simply need to walk away, before you do something you regret.

Walk away, and let it go.

The media may make it seem like you’re standing up for your manhood or that repressing yourself is a bad thing. But it isn’t.

The reality is that, again it’s your own responsibility to take care and watch out for yourself. Fighting, confronting or arguing to “win” isn’t going to stop the world from throwing unfairness at you. A more stark reality would be that you may end up at the hospital or with a ruined reputation.

10. Thou shall not stand on the dancefloor if you are doing nothing

If you need to validate your evening’s experience not by dancing but by constantly updating your Facebook page or posting pictures on your Instagram, then get yourself off the dancefloor. Leave space for the serious dancers.