Men in relationships struggle to say no and have a spine – Mueni Bespoke

For many couples, communication remains one of the most significant challenges in marriage.

Kenyan entrepreneur Ms Mueni Bespoke has shared that her husband initially struggled to say no in various situations. However, over time, their relationship evolved into a safe space where both partners could express themselves openly and understand each other better.

Her experience reflects a broader reality in Kenya, where many men find it difficult to set boundaries or express emotional needs due to societal expectations shaped by culture and traditional gender roles.

“It’s easy for a woman to say no, but for men kunakuanga na ugumu,” she explained.

Why Saying No Can Be Difficult for Men

Studies on gender roles suggest that traditional masculinity often expects men to appear strong, dominant, and constantly in control. These expectations can make it harder for them to decline requests or express discomfort.

Research indicates that:

• Men are often expected to be assertive and dominant in relationships
• Traditional masculinity discourages vulnerability and refusal
• The ability to set boundaries improves in supportive environments

Globally, similar findings show that social expectations influence how men communicate in relationships, families, and workplaces, often shaping their decision-making patterns.

The Role of Supportive Relationships

According to Ms Mueni, trust and understanding within a relationship can help partners grow more comfortable expressing their boundaries over time.

Experts note that healthy communication in marriage typically includes:

• Open conversations without fear of judgment
• Respect for personal boundaries
• Emotional support and active listening
• Shared decision-making

These elements create an environment where both partners feel safe to express their needs—including the ability to say no.

Shifting Relationship Dynamics

As more couples prioritise open communication, traditional expectations around gender roles are gradually changing.

Research shows that when individuals feel supported and respected, they are more likely to communicate clearly and assert their boundaries. This shift not only strengthens relationships but also contributes to better emotional well-being for both partners.