10 Types Of Partygoers You Will Meet At Nairobi Clubs

The nightclubs in Nairobi have a special tendency to draw out some of the most most interesting and elaborate partygoers. From celebrities and models to hipsters and ratchet queens, there’s a place for everyone in the capital’s party scene.

These are specific types of people that come out to play when the sun goes down and the club doors open. Whether you are a seasoned club kid or a newbie to the nightlife scene, chances are you’ve probably encountered some of these classic characters

The Person Who’s Dancing To Their Own Tune.

This person is alone, eyes closed, twisting and writhing to a rhythm that no one else can hear or comprehend. The DJ is playing ‘Nyongwa’ and it seems as though the person is dancing to ‘Sexual Healing’ by Marvin Gaye

The Aggressive Song Requester.

Apparently this person does not own a smartphone or have access to a radio, because their one goal in going to a club is to dance right next to the DJ booth, screaming out requests for a particular song over and over and over. The thing that’s weird about it is these people are never requesting unique songs. They always want to hear the most popular dance tracks. The songs that will played anyway even if no one requests them.

The Roving Grinder.

Ah yes, everyone’s favorite club attendee. This guy roams around the dance floor, casually bobbing his head to the music in between grinding on random women. It is unclear whether his goal is simply to set a personal grinding record, or if he’s actually a misguided romantic hoping that someday one of his female victims will turn around, look into his vacant eyes and say, “I love when strange men rub their ‘D’s on my back! Let’s start a relationship.

The guy who is too old to be at the club

There’s always the person in his late forties or early fifties who looks like a brown stone in white rice. Mostly, such people are perverted ninjas and ninjalettes who are out to prey on the young and fresh. Or maybe these are the people who missed out on partying while they were young pretending to work too hard. Now their midlife crisis forces them to do desperate things.”

The chics who are all over each other.

Then there are those chics who keep on touching each other, giggling and caressing each other you’d think they’re about to strip each other. They even put up freak-dancing shows as a surefire way to grab attention at a crowded club. These women feel that engaging in some pretty serious girl-on-girl PDA is the best way to get noticed,

The Person Who Actually Knows How To Dance And Is Making Everyone Else Look Bad.

No matter how grungy the club or how terrible the DJ, there’s always one person out in the middle of the dance floor who looks like a scene out of a “Step Up” movie. They might be naturally gifted, they might have taken dance classes–maybe both–but as entertaining as they are to watch, they’re the nightclub equivalent of the genius who keeps getting A grades in brutal Calculus exams.

The circle dancers

Maybe they are really tight buddies or maybe they just really like circles. Either way, this group of friends are dancing in an unbreakable formation which you have no chance of intercepting.You’d be tempted to think they are doing a traditional Zulu dance or something.

The girl who’s on a mission to get laid

You’ll find her strategically positioned on the raised part of the dance floor, weighing up her options for the night. If it gets to 3am and she still hasn’t achieved any form of success, she’ll venture into the middle of the floor and stumble into boys until one takes her home. You can’t but admire her tenacity.

The teenagers who are way too drunk

These kids probably borrowed their elder siblings’ IDs in order to hit the club. Or maybe they are campus freshmen who believe life revolves around partying and listening to Riddims. Chances are that they negotiated with the bouncers for about 30 minutes before they were allowed in. They probably shared a big bottle of ‘Makali’ before they came to the club and are now too drunk to realize what’s happening. #YOLO.

The groupie chic

She keeps circling the DJs booth hoping to get his attention. Whenever there’s a celebrity in the club, she makes sure she sits close and flaunts her thighs. Her life’s mission is to be ‘chips fungwad’ by the high and mighty.

The cash flashers

They’re wooing girls with their V.I.P. table and Jameson bottles. Their sole goal is to make a statement. Their intentions are too appear high and mighty. The unfortunate part? They are always rude, arrogant and noisy.