Caroline Mutoko, the indefatigable Media tigress, has released yet another video. I don’t know why my colleagues think it’s always a big deal whenever she chooses to rant on Youtube, but hey, its Caro. Oops, Caroline Ndinda Mutoko.
In yet another one of those very queer installments she’s been uploading lately, raving and ranting about pretty much everything,expositing on every hot topic, Caroline Ndinda Mutoko has now explained to us the vainest thing we’d ever wish to know; Why we SHOULD NOT CALL HER CARO.
I watched her attempt to explain to her fans/followers why its imperative to call her-and ONLY call her-by her full names; Caroline Ndinda Mutoko.
It was a confusing explanation. And it did sound a tad self-absorbed.
Caroline Mutoko’s conceitedness is really an open secret….she’s one woman who has not hidden her disdain for those not on her intellectual level and has always come across as a rather domineering and condescending being to especially those she deems worth a little tongue-lash.
I could be wrong. I mean, I don’t know Caroline Mutoko personally. I am simply talking about the badass public figure she has packaged herself into.
Anyway, Caroline Ndinda Mutoko( Damn,mentioning her full names every time is so nauseating) thinks that,because she is a brand, and we all agree she is, she should be addressed by her full names. All the damn time!
Ok, even though she does not state when and where she demands to be addressed in her full ‘brand’ names, I assume she wants to be addressed so ALL THE TIME going by the very infamous way in which she scathingly berated an innocent fan who, back in 2012, had the audacity to address her as “Caro” in that viral Facebook wall post.
Come on now sister! We’re living in the 21st Century! Where even the internet recognizes shortened words like BRB, OMG, ILY, BFF etc. And these words at not only applicable they are also, surprisingly, valid in some formal communications.
Caroline Ndinda Mutoko’s unhealthy fascination with her name is rather perplexing.
I remember when I first appeared on Citizen TV for the Monday Special Talk Show…We had a little disagreement with the show’s comely host Janet Mbugua.
Janet asked me,”So do we use Kabuga or Kenneth when your name appears at the bottom of the screen? I need to know what name you want us to use…”
I told her “Kabuga”
“Oh, Kabuga? Ok…sawa…she said…
I said,”Wait,it’s Cabu Gah. As in,C-a-b-u G-a-h. Not Kabuga with a ‘K’….”
“But your name is actually Kabuga…” Janet said,puzzled.
“I know. But people don’t know who Kabuga is. People know Cabu Gah. Not Kabuga ….”
“Oh! Ok…sawa sawa!” Janet said,laughing lightly but still very confused.
When it comes to official matters, when it comes to formalities and when it comes to public engagements, I,like Caroline Ndinda Mutoko, wish to be called CABU GAH. Because,in agreement with Caroline Ndinda Mutoko’s argument, I, too, am a brand.
But Caroline Ndinda Mutoko’s beefs with the name Caro is downright outrageous. People cannot even call her ‘Caro’ in a text! People cannot even call her ‘Caro’ in the Facebook inbox! It always has to be Caroline Ndinda Mutoko! Oh please!
Some occasions ALLOW for the shortening of a name. And those occasions depend with how urgently you want your message passed, who the person is to you, how free you feel to be with the person and in what hurry are you saying or typing your message.
I watched Caroline Ndinda Mutoko attempt to compare the shortening of her first name to calling her Brian. Or Stella. Really now?? What idiot would call Miss Mutoko Brian??
Look, Caro, all occasions DO NOT call for the exaltation and cognizance of a brand. ONLY formal occasions call for naming officialdom.
A lot of people address me as ‘Cabu’ in my Facebook inbox. Many other fans text me ,”sema Cabu’ via Whatsapp. And I’ve never considered that inappropriate. Or detrimental to my ‘brand’. I still answered them. And their message still went across.
When Coca Cola launched the “Share A Coke” campaign, a team from Ghafla Kenya! was invited. We were also told that we would be among the first people to have their names stuck on a Coca Cola can.
And while I couldn’t make it to the launch, even though I had an official invite, I told my very silly colleague Tonny to make sure he’d bring me a COKE CAN branded ‘Cabu Gah’.
Well, he did bring me a can. But it was written ‘Ken Kabuga’.
“Damn Man! I told You to tell them to write CABU GAH. Not Ken Kabuga!” I screamed at Tonny.
He laughed saying,”Kwani Ken Kabuga ni Mimi?? Si bado ni wewe!?”
I was livid that the name I used as a brand is NOT the name that appeared on the can. But Tonny couldn’t get it.
Hey Caroline Ndinda Mutoko, there is a place and time for brand recognitions. And absurd patronymic bureaucracies.
I guess what Caroline Ndinda Mutoko needs is a SPECIAL name. Not burdening the World all the time with her cumbersome (pun not intended) full names.
Oprah doesn’t need to be addressed as Winfrey all the time. Neither does Beyonce need people to always use her other name for ‘brand’ purposes. Neither does Obama.
Some names are just unique, and their holders are comfortable enough with just that one address.
You can’t drag officialities everywhere you go. Or stick it into everyone you meet’s face.
I will call you Caroline Mutoko in an official business email. But I will not call you Caroline Ndinda Mutoko on Whatsapp. Or Social Media. No, Baby, I won’t.
We can’t make people pay for our having a common name.
You’ve always made sense, Caro. But not on this topic.
With Love,
Cabu.
Oops,Kenneth Kabuga Gachie.
