Month: April 2015

Larry Madowo has remained the most present member of the NTV team ever since he made his debut almost 8 years ago after dropping out of Daystar University for reasons well known to him.

Since his bow, Larry has wowed many with his prowess before cameras, amassing an enviable amount of following on social media that leaves him yearning for social media glory with President Uhuru Kenyatta.

Despite building an empire for himself as one of the most coveted and established anchors on TV in Kenya, Larry has again and again displayed perennial weaknesses which have helped to distance some followers away from him.

Unfortunately, they are weaknesses that seem to be innate in the anchor and which seem not to die any time soon. He has faced criticism in the recent past for being not only arrogant but also egoistic and ignorant of his immediate surrounding: the people.

Recently, Victoria Rubadri, Larry’s co-host at NTV lavished praise on him, terming him as the friendliest individual to work with. Well, when we asked Victoria this question, we never expected her to be honest after all.

For those who have religiously followed Larry’s shows on TV and his updates on social media, they will tell you that at some point Larry has deliberately disappointed. I remember a Moi university communication student posing a question to Larry on how he would become a better journalist. The student later threw an abuse to Larry after he ignored him. Larry posted the tantrum asking us our thoughts on the student. I asked myself, why did he not just answer the student? Why did he not post his question but chose to post a tantrum he had received?

The other day Larry was on the receiving end of rage from Kenyans after he conducted a ‘poor’ interview when he hosted controversial legislators Alfred Keter and Sonia Birdi who had been involved in an altercation at the Gilgil Weighbridge. I wrote a piece supporting Larry on this because I felt Kenyans were too harsh on him. He was right then because Keter and Sonia had blatantly messed.

Well, these and many more are some of the incidences that show how Larry has openly displayed is arrogance and lack of remorse and humanity. I remember when on February 14 Sue Watiri, a fellow writer here called Larry to ask him some things about Valentines. Larry was rude and told Sue off. That was so disrespectful.

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Now fast forward to last evening when Larry hosted Nigerian wonder boy Davido on his The Trend Show. Larry bombarded Davido with a fleet of questions. One thing was evident from the word go: Larry had flopped starting from the setting.

He got out of Nation Centre and aligned all their equipment along Kimathi Street. It was here that he hosted this Oga boy who has before bragged how he needs no money because he comes from a very rich family in Nigeria.

Davido

Larry literally laughed to himself, answered his own questions and looked like an infidel busted with another man’s woman in a maize plantation. He literally got lowered so low that he looked like a big dupe. Those keen could see this from the beginning of the show as Victoria Rubadiri and Yvonne Mainge ushered in the self-proclaimed father of technology in Kenya.

Those who had to wait till the end of the show saw how Davido got pissed off and walked away as Larry requested him to perform for the viewers. That was 10 nil brother. Davido wasn’t going to stoop that low to perform on Kimathi Street considering he swims in colossal sums of wealth.

Isn’t this a case of Karma getting real? Well, I dedicate Larry Tarus Riley’s Karma meanwhile as he ponders on how to ban Davido from the Trend for life. He is contemplating this as he revealed yesterday. Karma is real brother. Don’t touch her. Don’t mess up with her. She will come someday to haunt you.

Look down upon me now but tomorrow it is your turn. This life is like a wave line with a straight line through it. Someday you are above the straight line, the other day you are below it. Take care.

Regardless, Davido was not justified in any way to disrespect the son of the land, was he?

 

Elani breaking up after they were got involved in a love triangle or even Size 8 divorcing DJ Mo and going back to secular music are some of the pranks you woke up to not mentioning the message you found on your phone from your girlfriend ending your union after 8 years. Yes, goddamn 8 years and she leaves you for a guy who earns more money! How your world was crumbling right before your eyes before she sent another text citing that it was an April fool’s day joke with a smiley and a sweet I love you…..

Don’t worry bruh; it has been the same for me or rather for everyone. I have something though that will brighten up your morning and calm you down, something exciting and cool. Come on, it’s not yet another prank. It’s unliminet by Airtel that I’m talking about.

Just in case you’re not acquainted, this is the new service bound to offer and unlimited connection with your friends and family. At only 50 bob, you’re able to get at least 100MB of data, a 100 SMS AND 20 minutes of talk time. If you’re in business or a profession that takes up much of your time, then there are weekly or monthly packages to cater for you as well.  Airtel doesn’t discriminate at all so whether young or old, you’re definitely sorted.

And here is the good thing, even if your data runs out, you can still continue accessing all your favourite networks; facebook, instagram or twitter making sure that the conversation keeps on going. I’m pretty sure after that scare you’re now ready to propose. Or what message did you think she was putting across with that message. That was no prank, it was a wakeup call.

 

Sonko is our local king of flamboyance and all things shiny .

When Sonko acquires anything best believe the sheer flashiness of the object will impress you. Among his most notable gaudy items includes his gold-plated Land Cruiser that has left drivers blinded thanks to how dazzling it is, his gold plated phones and the 10 gigantic gold rings that overshadow his fingers.

Former Prime Minister Raila Odinga however is at the other end of the spectrum, he is not known for being flashy, he is a simple man who likes to keep his colors basic, and so you are unlikely to find him with anything that draws a lot of attention. But the former P.M recently tapped into his ‘Luopean’ side and showed up with a trendy gold-coated phone.

As reported early on by Ghafla! Kenya (BREAKING: Mike Sonko Steps Aside As Nairobi Senator), Nairobi Senator Mike Sonko has stepped aside as the county senator after he was mentioned in the corruption list of shame released by the EACC yesterday.

And now Sonko has released a statement following his stepping aside. Here is the statement:

STATEMENT: NAIROBI SENATOR MIKE SONKO STEPS ASIDE TO PAVE WAY FOR INVESTIGATIONS

I have learnt with surprise and dismay that my name is included in the list of the people being investigated by the Ethics and Anti-Corruption Commission on their report dated 20th March 2015, allegedly over a tender at the Kenya Pipeline Company. I wish to state as follows:

That I have no influence over KPC and its procurement system. KPC is a state corporation with a respectable management team and a board of directors. I serve in none. The only connection I have with the parastatal is that it is headquartered in the county of Nairobi where I am the Senator.

 

 

Veteran comedian, Davis Mwambili or better known as Mwala took his jokes a little far when he decided to squeeze his head on Grace Ray’s bust.

The weekly club show, Wakilisha East Africa that takes places every Tuesdays at Club Tribeka usually brings together a wide array of revelers, some who leave us with something to talk about after the show.

Last night, it was Inspekta Mwala who decided to show his ratchet side. Lucky his actions can quickly be interpreted as mere prank.

Even so, that doesn’t grant him immunity from ratchet spotlight. The comedian was spotted seeking comfort on Grace Kay’s chest.

Even on the next photo, Mwala still leaned towards Grace instead of equally embracing the two pretty ladies. Guess the arrow points to the eater!

 

 

Today is April Fools Day,the day You get to prank Your friends and play practical jokes on them. Some jokes are funny. Others are downright stupid. While others are dangerous. And can lead to death.

Here’s the MOST DEADLY and DANGEROUS jokes that You can possibly play on your friends today. But seriously,most are absolutely funny! And You’ll laugh yourself silly while reading them. And while pulling them on your clueless pals.

But some are seriously NOT FUNNY. And You can get killed for them. Especially number 11. Worst prank ever!

Well,here are the best and worst 35 pranks You can pull today….Come with Me…

35. Leave him hanging

This goes for the ladies especially. Here’s the trick…Call your boyfriend,tell him you’re home alone and that you are horny as hell. He tells you he’s in the office. In a meeting and that he cannot make it. You tell him,’Fine,I’ll find someone else to satisfy Me’. He then tells you to hang on and escapes from the very important office meeting and starts driving over to your place. You text him,’Hurry up! I’m wet! I need You in me! Now!’. He hurrys up. And,while knocking at your house’s door. You text him,’April Fools I’m in the Office,Bae…L8trz”

34. Poisoning their breakfast

Widely regarded as a generally bad joke, since the victim usually dies before you can safely point out that you poisoned their breakfast. Haha

33. Stealing their credit cards and money…

A time tested joke – you simply empty the victim’s wallet of all cards and cash. Then, when out, you call them telling the you desperately need money, and your victim will thus discover all his cards have been stolen. And cash. Naturally, you should only return them once he has cancelled them all. And once he’s gone really really crazy!

32. Impersonating the police…

A group of mutual friends can visit the victim’s address, posing as the police. You can then claim that you have logs from their ISP that they have been downloading child pornography, and that you thus have a warrant for their computers. Later, format the computers and return them. Or never return them at all. Bad move!

31. Abducting their children.

For a truly effective gag, simply abduct the victim’s children before they enter the school doors. Since you abducted them before 12:00, it is OK to hold them after this time. For maximum effect, return the children just before midnight. It is also even funnier if the children are drunk. And naked. Hahahaha.

30. Kill their pet

A particularly effective gag is to kill their pet, behead it, and then place the head in their mug. Naturally, you can make this OK by buying them a new pet; “see, it’s OK, I got you a new one”. Meeeoooow

29. Impersonate their doctor

A classic joke is to phone your friend and inform him that his wife has been diagnosed with an airborne strain of HIV, and that he should probably also be tested too. For added effect, tell them that the public must be notified, but they are entitled to free counseling. Free.

28. Break into their house and redecorate

A classic one is to break into their house after they are asleep, and redecorate as many rooms as possible with purple (or striped, vibrant red & blue) wallpaper. Alternatively, you can just drill loads of holes in the walls, and insert a Cadbury’s finger in each. I’m telling You….

27. Raid their house

This needs to be done just as April 1 strikes (around 2am) – gather some friends and dress in military gear; one team gas grenades both floors, the other team breaks down the front door and fires rounds into the air, then quickly raids the upstairs and arrests everyone. How far you take this is your choice – some have even recommended live ammunition….Do it at your own risk. At Your OWN risk,I repeat.

26. Fake your own death

Fake your death. And text them all using a different number. Possible cause of death should be..You’ve had a nasty car accident. Or your wife has chopped off your balls and made soup with your intestines. Or better still,tell them you’ve committed suicide. And your body is still hanging at your compound’s tree.

25. The Pregnancy gag

Find someone they’ve had sex with in the past 9 months (note, if you are reading this, it is unlikely someone will play this joke on you) and get them to phone the other party and inform them that they are pregnant with twins, and that they are the only possible father. Guaranteed to bring laughs for years to come. Or tears.

(Click Next Page for The Rest Of The Pranks)

 

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24. Vacuum Cleaner over the eye socket

Perhaps one of the most disturbed April Fools jokes of all time; you simply take the nozzle of a vacuum cleaner, hold it over their eye socket and turn on the cleaner. They now have the tedious task of retrieving their eye from the bag of the vacuum. Usually they find it covered in hair and dust, making it useless. Forever. Ouch.

23. Cannabis Incense

When attending your local Catholic church, be sure to replace the incense with as high a quantity of cannabis as you can manage. Guaranteed that people will call it their best church sermon ever! And will attend services there. Forever. Hail the Catholic Church!

22. Pull off their life-support…

Simply go to the hospital and,because they’ve been on life-support for months now,pull off the goddam life-support. And watch them struggle for air. Then laugh. And bring them back to life. Miraculous.

21. The Shredder Gag

You gather all their work documents/CVs/Certificates and throw them in the shredder. And watch them all get shredded to little pieces. This is especially effective if April 1st is the day before your friend has to give in an important document to his boss…Or as he’s preparing for an interview.

20. The Moving Day Gag

Tell your friend that you’re moving 50 miles away from town. It’s up to you how far you want to go with this prank. I suggest that you hire a moving truck and a mover or two however….Get all your stuff,load it onto a truck and start moving. Keep moving. Until you can’t laugh anymore…then ask the truck driver to turn the lorry back. And watch your friend kill himself. Slowly.

19. The Fake Eviction Notice

You print up a fake eviction notice from the landlord/agent and give it to your friend. Tell him he has 24 hours to pack everything before they kick him out. The rest of this prank should handle itself. Be sure to only tell them it was all a joke when they have already packed everything up. Or you can wait until they’ve moved their stuff first…Hahahaha

18. Coming Out of the Closet

Announce to your family or friends that you are gay and have been in a long-term relationship with another person of the same gender. Alternately, if you are gay, tell them that you are straight…Then kiss your gay lover hard. On the lips. And invite all your family members to kiss him too.

17. The ‘I was framed’ gag

Pay a visit to your victim’s place of work, and simply murder a colleague of theirs (preferably their boss) as brutally as possible; then simply remove a limb (bringing a hacksaw or chainsaw would be wise) and put it in your friend’s fridge – next, simply call the police and explain how you just went to your friend’s place of work, and discovered a dead person with a missing limb, and that your friend asked you not to come round his house. Guaranteed satisfaction! Damn!

16. The Conception gag

Poke holes in ALL their condoms. (There is debate as to whether or not this falls under the worst, or best joke, as the results can be quite funny). Very funny.

15. The amnesia gag

Arrange to meet your friend in town or public place, preferably a restaurant. Make sure you arrive before them, and when they see you, pretend not to recognise them and walk away, they will of course follow you, have them follow you into an alley, and then give them a final warning. After this (whether or not they respond) take out a gun, and fire two rounds into their kneecaps, if you don’t have a gun, a machete used in the same area will suffice. What the Fuck!!?

(Click Next Page To See The Worst Prank Ever…At Number 11)

 

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14. The toilet gag

Go to the toilet…and shit all You can. Invite all your friends for the shit party,too. Let everyone take the largest dump in his toilet. Poop poop poop all you can. Then DO NOT Flush. Leave everything intact. Lower the toilet lid and leave. I swear to God,this is NOT funny!

13. The Insect gag

While the victim is sleeping, take a flesh-eating insect ( A beetle is an obvious choice) and insert it into their ear. Watch as they hilariously try to tear their own head open to get out the creature that is devouring their brain out. And DO NOT help them. Repeat,DO NOT help them.

12. April 2nd gags

Whether the prank is funny or not, it really shouldn’t matter that you’re a day late to the party. Better to fool them when they least expect it. Funny,right?? Hahaha.

11. Send their Mum porn videos.

Take their phone and,because their Mom is on Whatsaap,send her atleast 16 porn videos. Gay porn,animal porn,Asian,Indian,Ebony,lesbian porn,MILFs. Everything. And then run. Very fast and very far!

10. The good ol’ “I’m pregnant” trick

Call him and tell him You’re pregnant. 4 months pregnant. Back it up with a fake Doctor’s note. And watch him die. Then laugh as hard as the bastard you are.

9. Abduct them

Abduct Your friend. Show up at their door,ring the bell and,once they open up,grab them,put a gunny sack over their head and abduct them. Haul them into your car’s truck and drive them 100 kilometers away. And then dump them in a church toilet. But remember to pull them out later…

8. Rigging their pregnancy test.

Replace the testing strip inside their pregnancy test unit with litmus paper. Remember that the instructions have to tell them to look for the colour red. Wait til they’re on the abortion table, then text message them! Hahahaha.

7. The movie gag

Tell someone you want to go to the cinema with him/her. Say he/she has to be at the cinema at 7 p.m. Stay home and call him/her three hours later to tell him/her it was a joke. But they can still watch the movie . Alone. Ouch.

6. Kill someone

Just go up to a friend, acquaintance or family member and simply begin to kill them. As you are killing them, on their last breath whisper “April Fools!” The person will laugh right as they die, which is pretty awesome and you will have an excuse when you are in court. And a reason to laugh while in jail. Awesome,right??

5. Blow up their House

Find a friend who is a smoker, sneak into their house at night and loosen their gas pipes. Make sure it will be several hours before they have to have a light. Hilarity ensues when they try to have a smoke and their house explodes. Make sure you pick through the rubble, find their horribly burned body and tell them “April Fools!” Try that! I swear!

4. Steal their kidneys

Get the victim really really drunk, so much that they pass out. While they are out, get a knife (You can usually get one from the bar you are drinking at, don’t worry about cleaning it) and cut out their kidneys and sell them on the black market. (Note: No actual medical practice is required to remove someones kidneys.) Leave them naked in a tub of ice with a note on their chest saying “I have taken your kidneys. Call an ambulance. APRIL FOOLS!” You can also offer to buy them some new kidneys for their birthday/christmas.

3. Have sex with their lover.

Have REAL sex with his girl. Or her man. Not a joke. Real sex…As in,find their lover,seduce them,take then to bed,undress them and sleep with them. Then call your friend to the bedroom and while you are about to cum,shout,’APRIL FOOLS!’. Then cum.

2. Super Glue

Ask your friend to close his eyes. And mouth…then quickly add super glue to both the closed eyes and mouths. Ensure he will never see again. Or talk. This works especially if your friend is fond of talking absolute nonsense! Haha

1. APRIL FOOLS!!!

Construct a fake list of the worst 35 April Fools jokes, and then find someone stupid enough to read them all the way down to number 1. Like I just did with You.

Hahahahaha! Have fun!