After the High Court of Kenya finally did the now-branded outrageous act of registering their society,the Atheists Society of Kenya found it fit to throw a massive party to celebrate the groundbreaking development.
Atheists,for the dumb,are fellows who generally believe in the non-existence of God. Don’t even get them started on his son Jesus. Or angels. Or whatnot. They firmly believe that everything just came into existence and no all-powerful Being should be credited for creating the World. In fact, that all-powerful Being is a myth,a fallacy,a fictitious character.
Quickly,religious zealots Kenyan Church leaders,most of them a total embarrassment when it comes to righteousness,took to the streets to protest the move to register such a society in a Country as ‘godly’ as Kenya. LOL.
The AG freaked out,expectedly. And quickly deregistered the group. Still,the party must go on. Registration or no.
The initial venue for the party is supposed to be Gravity Lounge,a swanky bar along Kimathi Street that,since it’s inauguration,has struggled to attract revelers despite it’s very cool ambience and strategic location.
The theme of the party is ‘Without God’ and the party poster has done enough rounds on social media and blogs.
I decide to attend,even though I firmly believe in God and credit Him with crafting little me.
Harrison Mumia,AIK President
It’s 8.30pm. The weather is chilly as a February afternoon in Alaska. It’s actually rainy and the Nairobi streets are not as active and alive as they usually are.
I arrive at Gravity Lounge and walk in to find some random club goers seated across the club. There doesn’t seem to be any party going on. Just kawaida people staring at the giant TV screens erected across the club.
A bored couple here. A bunch of football fanatics there. Nothing else. And the waiters look like they need some entertainment in their lives.
”Niliskia Kuna party huku leo… Ya watu wanajiita Atheists of Kenya… ” I say to the poorly-built dude who is supposed to be the door bouncer.
He has no idea what I am talking about. I doubt he even knows the definition of ‘Atheist’.
I repeat the same thing to another bouncer. And to some other waitress.
”Hakuna kitu kama hio huku leo… Hawa watu wanatuharibia jina… ” some dude,who I assume is the club manager,says,sighing.
I walk out and call the number on the poster.
Guy on the other end,who sounds too excited to be anti-God, tells me that the venue changed. He asks me to walk across the street to Sky Lounge. And tells me that I will need to pay some Ksh. 500 entrance fee.
Crap.
They had said the party is FREE. Now I have to pay! Even for people who don’t believe in God,I think that’s ungodly.
”sawa… ” I say,and walk over to Kaunda Street.
At Sky Lounge,situation is the same. No mad activities. No crowds at the entrance. No suffocating anti-God agenda across the room. Just a bunch of,you guessed it,bored dudes watching football and confirming their Sportpesa bets.
But at a table across the room,there’s some bunch of people seated around each other like some gathering of malevolent witches ready to put a spell on the World.
They’re talking to each other. Some in low tones. And others shouting their lungs away. It’s around ten dudes or so. And,for people who’ve been very in the news lately,they don’t look very excited or pumped up.
Every one of them has some glass in front of them. Most of them look like they’re taking wine. The others are taking normal beer. No ostentatiousness. No pricey drinks. No glitz. Just a normal, bored table of very affordable stuff.
And then they’re surrounded by thick candles flickering away in the cold- To be honest,every table has a candle here. Let me be fair to these chaps.
I see some guy yelling his point away. I look closely. It’s Harrison Mumia,the feisty President of the Atheists Society. From what he’s saying-very passionately – I can pick out random words, ‘Supreme Court, Attorney General, Unfair and Unconstitutional’.
I can’t tell what point he’s furiously trying to hammer home. But I can tell that he’s obviously very pissed at Githu Muigai’s unsavory intervention in the registration of his body.
The club itself has some of the worst music I’ve heard in a club in a long time. Half of it is actually garbage. Accompanied by a trance beat.
The waitresses,who look like they’ve just survived a tornado,are so bored they look like they could climb on a pillar and strip. Just for a change.
The place is so silent you could hold an Annual General meeting there. And don’t have to ask the people to tone it down.
Back to the Atheists,they’re still talking amongst themselves. No wild party mood. No cheers and high-fives and loud laughters and random jigs. Just a bunch of some very serious fellows who have absolutely no business meeting in a club in the first place.
The ‘party’ looks more like a gathering of Central Bank guys determining what Bank to raid next. Very stiff and full of deep chatter.
They might as well have hired a Conference hall at the Naivasha Game Reserve.
To study them even more,I order a Tusker. A warm one. I’ve just come out of a very distressing episode of colds and flu.
It’s 10.35 and the Atheists President is walking away. He says kwaheri to his godless followers and leaves. Accompanied by some woman,obviously an atheist too.
The fellows who’ve been left behind continue swigging on their drinks. Some have been taking the same bottle for the last one hour. If only God could bless these people. And give them money to actually throw an actual party. Too bad.
Another dude has joined the ‘party’. He shakes everyone’s hand. And proceeds to sit. He looks like someone who sells counterfeit shoes online. And is wearing the kind of sweater you give to your older brother who lost his job to alcohol.
Two of the ladies here have dreadlocks. Just like any other woman in this city who belongs to some crazy,bitter organization.
I’m onto my next bottle. And my next. And now this party has started to look like a Lesbians convention.
I’m waiting for the party to officially begin. Looks like I’ll have to wait till dawn. They’ve now stopped talking to each other. Half of the group is on their mobile phones,to catch up with what their fellow nonbelievers are saying and sharing.
I am tempted to ask one of them,who has been totally unable to order himself another beer,what this organization is all about and why he doesn’t believe in God.
I get up and start walking towards him. But I quickly change my mind. I don’t think I am ready to sit through a three-hour lecture factoring on religious bigotry.
I turn my trip to his table into a trip to the gents- it’s a more worthy trip.
Harrison Mumia has come back. With some other atheist in tow. The dude waves at the gathering and sits next to Harrison. To further plunge the club to more poor sales that night.
Harrison looks like he’s the one picking up the tab for these ten people. It must suck to be the leader of a team that doesn’t start the day by praying.
It 11.00pm now. And this club,for the love of God (no pun intended) has no business staying in business.
The atmosphere here is so boring,the music is playing at such a low volume,I can actually hear the couple next to my table arguing over why the National Housing Corporation of Kenya is allowing substandard buildings get erected across the City.
If you ever found yourself arguing over such stuff with your lover ever, know that you’re too deep into the relationship and your chances of getting out are absolutely zero.
I will blame the club’s zero energy to the rains and the ghastly weather. I don’t know, however,what to blame the lameness in this Atheists’ party on.
It’s almost midnight. Gotta hit another club. These guys have no business getting registered as a society. Until they can learn how to actually throw a party. And buy drinks.
But then again,for a bunch who look like App developers,I didn’t expect much.
If there ever was a team that needed God,it’s this one. Sadly, God doesn’t exist around here.
Gotta go. Thank God. Damn-another pun.
Story ended too soon right? Well,without God,nothing lasts. Wait,did I just preach? Wow.
