5 Unforgiveable Mistakes Deejays Must Never Make!
During my December revelry, i was up and about the different entertainment spots Nairobi has to offer and i was rather shocked that alot of Deejays at the clubs didn’t seem to fully understand the concept of playing music at a club and or pub!
They made what can only be described as schoolboy mistakes that not even the “deejay” in my favourite pub in Nairobi West “Livondo’s” makes! Mind you that Livondo’s is a pub cum keg bar!
And here are a few mistakes i feel are unforgiveable and when made should result in the deejay getting slapped by everyone at the club!
#5. The deejay getting drunk
Come on, you’re working! There is nothing amusing of “hardcore” about getting sloshed at work. It simply means you have a dependency on alcohol! Every deejay can have a brew once in a while but to get completely inebriated is unforgivable! If you spot a drunk deejay during his set, wozam slap proper!
#4. Dead silence between songs
On radio this is called dead air. It is a rather horrible oversight! If you want to be taken seriously as a professional deejay, do not allow this to happen! Plan your sets ahead. They say failing to plan is planning to fail! I experienced this at one of my favourite haunts called “Oxygen” over New Year no less! The deejay was a chap in a blue shirt and because i was sober (designated driver and all that), i noticed. This chap is also the one that made the worst mistake on the list! Horrible error given he was laying banging tunes. But the thing is, when i just want music, i simply slip my earphones into my ears and switch on my i-pod! Deejaying is more than just playing music. That’s why not everyone can deejay and playing music from your favourite play list on your i-phone isn’t deejaying!
Do not let their be 5 seconds of silence. If you know a deejay that lets this happen, wozam slap proper!
#3. Singing along to the songs
As Ed would say, “Hii hapana karaoke!” and as Cinju would say, “Pereka ujinga kiamaiko ikachinjwe tukule!” And indeed, this isn’t karaoke and i didn’t pay entrance to hear you croak over the songs i actually like you douche! Stop croaking along to the songs! You are just being a tool! Sadly reggea deejays love to do this which makes their matatu mixes suck! Even when it’s a song like “Rasta Got Soul”! When the deejay does this, take your shoe off and slap him with it as you yell “You rack discuprine!”
#2. Refusing to take requests
The same Oxygen chap always thinks he’s too cool to take requests… Here is some news brother, you are not! Take a request like your colleague who does the hiphop set does! You aren’t better than he is… Just more brightly coloured in your silly blue shirt! Take a request once in a while. Especially when it ties in with the genre of music you’re playing! When the deejay refuses to take your request, wozam slap with a slipper! Yes, even if that means you should drive back home and get your worst slipper and get back to the club and slap him!
#1. MISSING THE NEW YEAR COUNTDOWN!
Who in the good Lord’s awe-inspiring, demon casting, glorious name misses the new year count down? You only have one chance to get it right! One every year! And when you miss it, even drunks notice! But no, this “deejay” in the blue shirt, yes the one who is too cool to take requests, the one who has a suspect taste in shirts (tone it down for christ’s sake!), aye, the dead silence having “deejay” forgot to have the countdown! Come on! All the dead silences you had were more than 10 seconds long!
You had one job, ensure people countdown the new year! And you missed that! And 10 people, the 10 people on my table reminded you! Ed and i reminded you! And all you had to say was “Ishapita!” i wanted to throttle you! *sucking teeth* Leave dis place!
