This Is Why Anto Neosoul Needs To Calm His Balls And Grow Up

Nation FM presenter and terrible singer Anto Neosoul needs to calm his balls. That’s if he has any. So the guy goes on national radio to claim that he needs bodyguards to protect him from female fans. Let’s all have a moment of noise please and laugh our lungs out. Are you done laughing? Now laugh again please.

The thing is, 80% of Kenyans don’t even know who Anto Neosoul is. In these showbiz circles, I’ve realized that there are lots of people who believe they are more famous than they actually are. And that’s just sad.

I learned an important lesson from one of this year’s blockbuster movies called ‘Kingsman: The Secret Service’. In the highly acclaimed film, Ernest Hemingway says, “There’s nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self.” Becoming a better person each day is what counts. All these rookies who are thirsty for superstardom need to spare us the hogwash please.

There are guys who turn into beasts raging fury whenever they are not recognized in public. You all know the humans who keep asking, “Don’t you know who I am?”

A few weeks ago, I was walking with my cousin on a Nairobi street and we saw Anto Nesoul looking all confused in a car.

”Do you know that guy?”, I asked her

“Nope, never seen him before.” She replied.

“Come one. Don’t you know Anto Neosoul, the guy who sings like a girl and has acted on Shuga before?” I asked again.

“Nope. He doesn’t look like a famous chap.” She replied.

Nuff said….but not quite

Anto Neosoul is a bad singer

He sings like he’s being choked by The Undertaker. He’s the kind of guy who’s voice would flatten your eardrums and make them ache like Manny’s arm. He’s not the kind of guy who would send fans in a frenzy acclaiming his genius. Not at all. Not in this planet. Maybe in Jupiter.

Oh…lemme get this straight. So a collabo with Nigerian D-lister has made Anto ‘grow horns’ all of a sudden? He now thinks he’s Chris Brown?

Anto Neosoul has all the non-qualities that make a bad singer. He has a very low back-of-throat tone that is not atypical of soul singers. The power that he belts the soaring verses of his songs comes off as forced at times, which is not a good thing. As a result, he creates music that is as annoying as Kidero;s solutions to Nairobi problems. The guy keeps hurting himself by pushing himself a few notes higher than his vocal folds want to go. Music coaches will tell you the same thing

Labeling himself ‘hot and in demand’ is foolish

What does Anto even need bodyguards for? It’s only fair that he should put more effort into his music rather than his security. The mark of a true d-list celebrity has always been the annoying desire to portray a life of importance while contributing as little as possible to society. One chic on Facebook described this Anto Neosoul B.S in the best way – “If the nation FM presenter needs bodyguards to protect him form ladies, then Mark Masai will probably need the US Navy Seal Team.” Best pun ever. Anto deserves all the public scorn he’s currently soaking up. And I hope it continues for a long time.