Elani Have Been Kidnapped!!!

Ladies and gentlemen, you’ve probably been wondering why Elani haven’t been able to release a hit song since last year. You might have thought that they ran out of ideas. Well, we are sad to inform you that they have been abducted. Yes, all the members of the talented music group have been kidnapped by aliens. The most probable likelihood is that Elani were picked up by extraterrestrial entities and that’s why their voices have never been heard since. It has become a great concern..

However, some conspiracy theorists have argued that this assertion might be incorrect. Their version of events narrates that Elani might have fled earth by their own will. With the strong presence of Sauti Sol, they feared they couldn’t rule the local turf they way they would have loved to. Some also argue that Elani might just be on am outer space tour, starting with Mars, then Venus, then Jupiter before returning to earth. We all know how big Jupiter is so yeah, maybe it’ll take them some time.

Despite the decision by some quarters to remain positive, majority of the fans are still worried. Freshly discovered evidence points to a chilling turnout of events. A rockstar from Pluto was smitten by Elani songtress Wambui’s beauty and decided to take her from earth and wife her. Fellow band Maureen and Brian tried to accost the freaky humanoids who liked metallic strokes of asparagus in order to save their sister. Unfortunately, they didn’t succeed in salvaging the love heist hence they ended up as abductees too. Spooky indeed

A few months ago, a round UFO (Unidentified Flying Object) was seen in the skies of Nairobi. Fans were wrong to assume that maybe the mundane vessel was one of Obama’s choppers. The harsh truth is that this might have been one of the spaceships used to kidnap Elani.

Fans are now pleading with the government to send members of the badass Recce Squad on a mission to rescue ELani from outer space. However, the government insists that such a request is ‘unsustainable’. The government doesn’t even have money to pay teachers, let alone send a special unit to space.

Elsewhere, members of the new NGO dubbed ‘Okoa Elani’ are opting to remain hopeful that the aliens might ask for a ransom. In preparation, they are setting up MPESA contribution numbers to gather enough funds.

So for now, it’s unclear what Elani’s fate will be. Fans want more music. It’s been too long. Fants want Elani back. Who will save Elani from the limey, gooey, furry, multi-limbed creatures from outer space,? No one knows. The only question for now is, ‘Kwani wapi tulikosea tukaachwa mataa?’