CABU GAH DIARIES: 10 More Kenyan Celebrities Who Were Kicked Out Of School. And Yes,Reasons Why They Were Expelled.

Yesterday I did a creative article on Kenyan celebs who were sent packing for being juvenile transgressors. And You loved it. We ain’t done. Not yet…

Episode One featured my muses Prezzo,Caroline N. Mutoko and Vanessa Chettle. I got more….High School expulsions were real. And they sucked. No one was exempt. Not even Your favorite celebrity’s favorite celebrity.

Ready? Let’s do this….

1. KALEKYE MUMO
Kalekye was once a little skinny girl in some little skinny school in Ukambani. But then her appetite kind of burgeoned in around her third year of school. Kalekye then started eating. And eating. And eating more…It was illegal to carry foodstuffs to school on the opening days. But Kalrkye wouldn’t hear none of that! She would break the law. Every opening day. But her days came to an abrupt end when one day,after a thorough search across school,her turn to be searched cane. Her bag was opened….And all hell broke loose! Out poured an avalanche of all manner of foodstuffs known to mankind. Among other unmentionable things,Kalekye had sneaked into her bag 3 kilos of blue band,14 loaves of bread,5 cartons of biscuits,a 3-litre juice bottle,1000 grams cocoa,peanut butter,a jam can,14 chapatis,a few maandazi,2 kilos of sugar,Royco,noodles,Zesta tomato sauce and 3 litres of extra cooking oil. “Umekuja kusoma ama kufungua hotel I??” Kalekye was famously asked.

2. MUTHONI DRUMMER QUEEN
Now,Muthoni was once a keen school girl before she bumped on an idea; Muthoni started organizing random music extravaganzas in her Dormitory. Students would cram in her Dorm to watch her and others girls perform during the weekends. Now,that’s was NOT the problem. Problem was; Muthoni would charge this girls. Not by taking their money,but their bread. She’d make sure that,to watch her and her crew perform,you’d either relinquish your weekend bread or wash her clothes. And then the authorities got wind of it…Muthoni was summoned. And promptly sent packing. Her high school events were called “Bedsheets and Bread” and that’s how she got the inspiration for “Blankets And Wine”. Smart girl.

3. DENNIS ITUMBI
Itumbi was a perennial law breaker. He featured in the schools black book so many times that the black book was eventually named after him. He was brilliant in drama,though. But horrible in class. Now,one day,Bwana Itumbi decided to experiment his very first hacking skills. And,by luck,managed to hack into the KNEC Headquarters. Yes,the guys who print exams! Itumbi cleverly managed to hack into the systems in which the Biology,Physics,Chemistry and Maths systems were stored. And managed to distribute the exact exam questions across his class two weeks BEFORE the exams! And when the boys finally sat for the papers,they all scored super impressive straight ‘As’ in all four subjects. Straight ‘As’! An investigation was launched. Itumbi’s name came up 77 times. He was promptly sent home. For 77 days!

4. RABBIT KAKA SUNGURA
First and foremost, I don’t understand how anyone would call themselves 3 names all belonging to ONE little animal. But first,we have to determine where the name originated from. Now,in school,Rabbit was known as Ken Ombimba. And he was a diligent,silent student who loved swahili and sleep. Now,Rabbit’s high school had an agriculture program where agriculture students would rear chicken,rabbits and cows. And one day,aided by three of his boys,Rabbit stole ALL the school rabbits. And stuffed them in his box in the dormitory. They were 50 rabbits in total. He later sneaked out to roast the little mammals at midnight. And,while roasting the third rabbit,Rabbit was busted. By the watchman. He was sent home for 2 months. And told to report back with the Minister of Agriculture. And 300 rabbits. Case closed.

5. KATHY KIUNA
Before Madam Kiuna got born again and became the earthy shattering preacher she now is,Kathy was just any other school girl. Naughty as hell. At first,she was punished lightly after been caught advising the form ones not to date boys from a certain school. And since she was the C.U leader,she was also reprimanded harshly for asking the students from Eastlands to sit at the far back end of the hall. But her expulsion came about when it was discovered that she had asked the whole C.U members of the school to contribute a hundred bob each to enable her to buy a bigger and better Bible. There were 500 C.U Members. And everyone contributed the 100 bob. She was therefore kicked out after it was determined that NO Bible would possibly cost Ksh.5,000 shillings. No bible.

(Click Next Page For the rest 5)

6. ADELLE ONYANGO
Adelle is that smile-loving Kiss FM presenter with a billion piercings and ummm,never mind. Now,Adelle was never even a good girl,by the way. Besides her annoyingly laughing at absolutely nothing in class,she also had this tendency of dressing like a Kanye West fashion model on New York. She hated school uniforms. And hated lessons more. That wasn’t her crime though. Her crime was really actually silly. Somehow,it was rumored that someone had started a satanic cult across the school. And that girls had been seeing ghosts and hearing laughing voices all night. Adele was the first suspect…But after intense investigations,it was later revealed that Adelle wasn’t actually an agent of the Dark World. The ghosts the girls saw and the voices the girls heard actually belonged to Adelle. It was revealed that Adelle had a tendency of walking around school at midnight. Dressed like a witch. And laughing like one too. She still was sent home nonetheless. Poor Girl.

7. PASTOR KANYARI
Before he dropped out of school to focus on his budding preaching talents,Kanyari had been a keen student. Things had been going great until one day,someone broke into the laboratory. And some Chemistry chemicals went missing. Among them was some potassium permanganate. And some Bunsen burners. And 16 test tubes. A search was conducted…And all of those items were found in Kanyari’s box…secretly tucked among his underwears. He was sent home and asked to report back in two weeks with his mother. Unfortunately, he couldn’t report back to school in time. I mean,his preacher mother was in jail by then. And after her church was left unattended for weeks,Kijana Kanyari thought to himself,”Badala ya kukaa nyumbani ivi tu fuaaaaa,si niende nikaponye watu!?” And that’s how the 310 ministry began. Amen.

8. RISPER FAITH
Risper is that socialite who once featured in that very tawdry ‘Show Me’ music video by Blaqy. Her appearance in the video was a talking point for close to weeks. But before Risper was the butt-crack showing,cellulite-flashing video vixen she today is,Risper was a silent fat girl in some silent flat school. Until she earned her first suspension… For stealing underwears. And bras. And blouses. And shoes. And bedsheets. And books. Risper would steal your stuff. And then re-sell it to You…at a price cheaper than her morals. Shamelessly. She was eventually caught after trying to sell a pink bedcover to the headgirl. But in actual sense,the pink bedcover originally belonged to the school headgirl. It even had her name “Eunice Kanuthu” stitched at the corner. Risper,how smart of You girl!

9. RINGTONE
Ringtone’s still a little thug out here. Let’s face it! He drives a Range. And lives in Runda…or so,we are told. Ringtone was a good form one boy. And a brilliant form two boy too who,even though he was terribly poor in class,was not noisy. Or stubborn. But he wasn’t always happy with his horrendous performance in class….And,one day,after some serious temptation,Bwana Ringtone decided to copy his maths paper during the Mock Exams. It was successful. He copied the English paper,it was successful too. But while copying the C.R.E paper,The Lord got angry at him. And he ended up being caught. “How can You copy the word of God?” Was the first question he was asked. He was sent home. And came back three weeks later….Born again. And preaching. That explains his gospel music.

10. SHAFFIE WERU
Now Shaffie had always been on the school’s watch list. ALWAYS! He’d been in more scandals than 2 seasons of “SCANDAL”. He’d been sent home for drunkenness, violence,school riots and foul language a billion times. But his final expulsion happened after it was discovered that he had impregnated the Principal’s daughter. Who was 26 at the time. And Shaffie was 17. And all this happened after Shaffie had convinced the girl to organize 24 parties in 24 hours at her dad’s home. The Dad was the Principal who had traveled to Mombasa for a Headteachers Conference. The party was sick. Sicker than an Ebola victim. Shaffie admitted he was responsible for the pregnancy. And the wild parties. He was never sent home for good though…He was simply assimilated into the Principal’s home…as a son-in-law. Smart move.