THE TRUTH: Njoki Chege Is Just A Basic, Foul Mouthed Lady Who Knows Nothing About Cars And Technology……She Should Just Leave Men With Subarus And Instagram Accounts Alone
Over the weekend I received some very disturbing news. Daily nation columnist Njoki Chege had attacked Blue Subarus again. Blue is my favorite color and the Subaru is one of my favorite vehicles. Perhaps that’s the reason why I have emerged from my cave all daggers drawn. To pour more water on a sinking boat, she unleashed her fury on men who have Instagram accounts too.
Normally, I’m not the kind of guy to react after getting hit by blunt projectiles but when someone belittles the things you adore, you have every right to pull a verbal Mayweather on them . I had vowed not to comment on anything Chege-ish but whenever I logged into Twitter I got bombarded with global outpourings of Chegemania. I believe this is what is called Chege-sim-by-proxy. ‘That’s the ish I don like.’
I understand that Njoki Chege is not everyone’s cup of tea. She can be abrasive, arrogant and intolerant to mediocrity. I respect her bold attitude but I have to straighten the bent lines before every young Kenyan girl out there is made to believe that Subarus are vehicles for losers. And that Instagram, the smartest invention since Facebook, is an application for basic brothers. I will play Olivia Pope (damage controller) for all the affected ninjas.. Like one Twitter user said, Subaru Kenya need a sit down with Njoki Chege before she ruins their brand completely.
If you are serious about cars, then you understand that Subarus are among the most highly recommended vehicles in the world. Even Top Gear, the worlds’ number one Car Review Show has had all models of Subarus certified excellent.
I have a conspiracy theory slash assumption on the origins of Njoki Chege’s beef with Subaru loving men. I just have this feeling that Njoki Chege was ‘chips funguad’ by a guy with dreadlocks from Kayole. The most likely scenario is that she met this guy at some event , let’s say at Masaku Sevens last year and the guy had a cool Subaru Imprezza. The probability stakes here are that he might have lied to her he lived in Karen then whisked her to his uncle’s mansion in the leafy suburbs. Then he smashed her like a Zinjanthropus that was mating and never called her again. Yani shuma ililala ndani ya (S)hege. All she now sees is the guy posing on Instagram with other clueless women
But that’s not the point really. Let’s get to the Subaru once again. There’s something solid in that car that other car manufacturers try to emulate, but just can’t seem to master. And that’s it’s never ending elegance. A Sub might not be as luxurious or as high-class as a BMW or Range Rover, but it gets the job done and gets it done well — and that’s what all-wheel drive performance is all about. So what if it costs 600k. How many young people can afford that? If you can successfully buy one without a loan, it means you are on your pathway to success and I don’t see any justifiable reason to rubbish that sort of achievement.
It’s the perfect Bachelor’s car. It’s the car for the man with potential. The man who will buy a Mercedes in future. When you’re ripping through muddy trails of Kenya’s bad roads at unruly speeds, heel-toeing and hand-braking and generally having a good time, a Subaru is the machine to have. Loaded with an upped 265-horsepower 2.5-liter turbo engine instead of the standard 224 one is just blown away when driving a Sub.
Apparently the Njoki Chege type just likes ready-made men. They don’t care to know how the man was baked. They don’t like making a man. Most of those ready-made men that have planes and twenty million shilling cars now all started with a Toyota, Subaru or Nissan salon car. And those men are married now. They have families. So excuse me, but what I’ve witnessed oozing from that Nation writer so far is just side chick mentality.
What about Instagram? There’s no crime for a man to be on Instagram. This wonderful application makes you measure your appeal. It actually makes you know how likeable you are so that you improve or keep it that way. In today’s world, being cool and classy is essential. Only ugly women hate Instagram because they have nothing to show off. And i have a problem with ugly women who have unrealistic standards. If Njoki Chege was to bend, she would look like a geometrical set compass at 90 degrees.
Hot girls on Instagram love guys on Instagram because guys on Instagram are the ones who give the likes. Maybe Miss Chege once made an attempt on posting a photo there but only got five likes. Then she went on a fuming spree and declared herself ‘hot and in demand’ in her recent article. She feels hot? Okay that’s understandable. Maybe it’s because of the hot Nairobi sun, because I feel hot too. It’s hot. Let me take off my jacket.
Listen here lady, we are not going to quit Instagram just because you said so. I know it’s easy to dismiss the photo application as the playground of voyeurs and those afflicted by FOMO (“fear of missing out”) but it has helped make the careers of paint artists, photographers and fashionistas .
The only problem with Instagram is the food-porn maniacs. The people who post pictures of chicken and beef steak and praise the meals so much you would think it’s Beyonce lying on a bed in purple Gucci lingerie. Otherwise the app is just fine. If you don’t have time for it, that’s your problem. If you lack enough data bundles that’s your problem. Holla at your Nanyuki bound man to find time between kissing his clande in order to sambza you data bundles. Don’t go digging out none-facts that’ll help you demonize a rather perfect app. So what if I filter my photo and end up looking like a black Bradley Cooper? If it’ll make Njeri want to devour me, then it’s a go. People use dirty tricks to achieve end goals all the time. Let Subarus be. Na sio tafadhali
Go lick ice on the alps you ^$#%$&^$$&$ (*&(&(
