Another of Larry Asego’s Gut-Busting Escapade With His Boss
Larry Asego is back with his hilarious escapades involving his boss and wacky colleagues. This is what they were upto most recently;
Dear Boss, it’s Furahidaaaaay. Hehehehee si you thought it wouldn’t fika sindio. Hahahahaa it has fikad you guy. Anyway I’m sure you are expecting us to ask you for money because we are broke, sindio? So we will not disappoint you, please give us money. As in not money from salary advance, but your money. Si you are rich?
We are going to Njuguna’s to burn meat. Kama has found a new squeeze. Not squeeze as in of pimples, but as in a mama, not as in of maternal but as in of ngaofwend. Ngaofwend in a machakos word for someone you are confusing currently. Machakos is a place where people sell land that’s not theirs. We have started drinking small small in the office hehehehe thanks to Vomiting Joyce a.k.a Vomz, she carried some makali from Congo. Not Congo as in of Mobutu, but as in of Ongwaro. Makali not as in the political analyst, but as in bitters. Its called Kalovo. Kalovo is an Ongwaro word for alcohol that makes you open your eyes wide, close them, run around then sit down and do it again.
Anyway Vomz has a side bizna since you refuse with your salary advance as if unalipwa ukatae nayo. I don’t know how to translate that last part, but just know it says you are not the illest anymore. We never thought we would say this, but Vomz is the illest today with her kalovo. She has come through for us. But also because she is having her morning sickness at lunchtimes nowadays. Do you know anything about this boss? Heheheh sema tu, we are among friends. By the way Johhny aka Baba Yao is asking how your wife is doing. He says you tell her to come to the office for Kalovo, hehehe he is such a langa I tell you. Langa is Dandora term for women with alternative morals. By the way Njoro the accountant is in trouble hehehe. Tell him his tea girl ngaofwend has entered box for Kama. Not box as in carton, but as in she’s feeling him mambo biaaad. Not feeling him as in physically…well not now anyway, but later today after some kalovo we think she will khikhikhikhikhiiii – the k is silent. Hang on boss, Kama wants to type somet….
Yooo yoh boss wassup my nigga, not nigga as in of Django but as in my hommie, my guy, my pips. It’s of how with our salo advance for August. We gast plots and ish to hol down….
It’s me again, I think Kama has had a lot of kalovos he can’t complete sentences. Anyway, we are going to Njuguna’s to burn meat on your bill. We know you don’t mind. You love us sindio? At times you just pretend you are angry but we know you love us, so thanks for the meat. Johnny brought back that trophy you won. He had taken it when things had bitten themselves financially last month, but he didn’t find a buyer. Hehehehe. By the way we are bringing back that internship program, it was a success. We will recruit candidates from next week just leave it to us (the “it to” is silent). By the way we don’t want to be snitching and all, but Njoro the accountant? He wasn’t in leo, he came late yesterday, the whole week he has been acting weird. I think he joined illuminati. Johnny says those are illuminati traits. We are not burning wire for him, but he doesn’t work hard enough, especially with our salaries.
Fire him boss. Not fire as in of set him ablaze, but as in sack him, not as in of gunia. Just watch him closely and see how long it takes to release a simple august salary advance. Chances are high we will delay till august. Just wait and see. Fire him, he can arrange himself. Weee, let me bounce, they are finishing kalovo for me. Say hi to your wife? She is the illest. He enyewe boss your wife is fly, you really fell on. Not fly as in insect, but as in she gives optical nourishment. Khiakhiakhiakhiaaaa.
Cheers boss, and cheers of pint you guy.
PS: Your office might smell abit of kalovo kesho, vomiting Joyce just spilt some on your sofa. She is cleaning it but we don’t see how. Cheers boss, you are still abit iller but work hard to be illest again.
