‘Pig’ & ‘Dog’ Issues Dominate Larry Asego Meeting With Neighbours

Larry Asego is back with his signature ‘pulot’ (plot) meeting and here are the minutes;

Pulot 16 committee meating.
Agenda one –Solomon’s Boliwhat, Bolingo
Agenda too – Mama Marto has contacts
Agenda thirii – Mr. Wekesa and Jimmy

Dear pulot members the meating kicked off without much further awaht, ado.

It was reported that Solomon is having issues with his Bolingo. Members sought to find out the meaning of boang’owa, bolingo. That young man who wears jean kwa magoti was given the duty to go check at simmers if Mobutu’s cousinde can define what it means. Members requested for the song bolingo na ngai to be played in contemplation. We danced for a while.

Agenda two – It came to the attenson of the committee that Mama Marto has contacts ya polise ili ousie sisi pigang’owa piglets. Mama Marto has a relationsip who works hapo central police. She says badala ya having hunger mid month; we give her fare, aende central alete nguruwhat, nguruwe. Min Marto pia insisted tukichanga kitu tena, she can come back hata na mama yao huyo pigwho, piglets. Yeye onajua OCPDiche te te te te te! To prove this, Min marto showed to us one piglet that was reported missing on TV. Ei yawa, kumbe yeye ndio Mama Yao yawa. Members salivated in anticipation. OLNP was launched i.e Opereson leta Nguruwe kwa pulot. Polise otasems evidence died in custang’owa? Custody.

Agenda thirii was a disturbing one. Mr Wekesa the bachelor, we don’t want to make accusations, but huyo umbwa wewe onafunga kwa pulooooot yawa. Nobody who lives on plot can afford to keep a private ang’owa, private dog. Sisi yote onatumia the communal dogs onaitwa mongang’owa, mongrels. You even have given is a Westlands name ati Jimmy. How do you think mama Jimmy wa house number 6 onasikia okiita mutoto yake kama guok yawa. Uyo umbwa onitwa sudhe. Huyu sudhe onafunga kwa nyumba onafungia nini? Don’t you know it is chira for a dog to sleep ndani ya nyumba. Plisss Wekesa can you set sudhe furee pia yeye otembelee akina bosco na kadhang’owa, kadhalika. Barking ya umbwa doesn’t make sense if it is inside ya nyumba and yeye owesi ona mwisi. So stop scaling sudhe, hivo ndio onapata kipindukiwhat, pindu. Mr. Wekesa stoned the chairman i.e myself with a stool in protest. Little did he know that chairmandgi, i.e myself is taking karate classes. The chairman, i.e me once again, ducked and aptly put his right heel on his neck kwaack and he fainted as sudhe peed on him. Members clapped for chairmandgi. That girl of house number 9, the one with beads ya kiuno clapped in admiration and invited the chair for diner of piglet and ugali. Mrs Chairman was not happy, but chairman did not care. Ni sukuma chairman otakula ama ni piglet.

AOB There being no other pressing matters, and seeing as the chairman had a diner date with maasai beads lady the meeting ended hivyo hivyo.
Chairman Sudhe protection group committee
Act before you are acted upon.