10 Silly People You’ll Meet At Kenyan Showbiz Events

Showbiz events here in Kenya are always fun. The activities range from ratchet to normal while the types of people you meet range from normal to weird. I’ve been to hundreds of events and through them I’ve bumped into some really crazy people. Here are some of them

The devoted boyfriend

This is the most miserable motherfucker in the whole place. He thought itd be a great idea to tag his girl along. Or rather he was forced to do so. When he’s not holding a purse, he’s pathetically accompanying his girlfriend in the front row, pretending to enjoy the godawful music. The poor bastard might even have his shoulders used as a chair if his girl can’t see the stage. And when you accidentally touch his girl, he pretends to be John Cena wanting to beat you up.

The Early Casualties

You’ll see them in the pits passed out randomly around the grounds, and it’ll only be halfway through the event. This is usually due to them being over-enthusiastic and not knowing their limits..The passed-out bro probably promised himself he’d keep it together, but that whisky was too heavy for him. Sleep tight bro, No one wanted you to be here anyway.

The Social Media Reporter

The hashtag warriors do their best to keep everyone posted on what artistes or deejay are #killingit. Sometimes #Juliani is #killingit. But other times, #Sauti Sol #killingit. Either way, the social media reporter is on the case. Your #1 source for all event coverage and performance reviews. The only problem with the social media reporter is that he/she has 48 Twitter followers.

The PDA Couple

They just can’t get a room. These two can often be found in a corner somewhere trying to lick the saliva out of each other’s mouths. But sometimes they like to hang out somewhere where they can use their tongues to block your direct line of sight of the performer you’re trying to watch.

The chimneys

These type of people have been lurking around music festivals since the dawn of music festivals. They just can’t let their lungs rest. Whether it’s weed or shisha, they puff in and puff out like a colonial train.

The guy who’s “really feelin’ it, man.”

At an event with hundreds of thousands of people, he’s somehow found the only patch of grass with 40 open yards of interpretive dance space in every direction. It might have something to do with the fact that there’s not even any music playing right now. But don’t tell him that. You wouldn’t want anyone to see you talking to him.

Old guy who looks kind of lost. 

Last seen silently shaking his head at “girls in miniskirts,” this grizzled veteran is now aimlessly roaming the grounds, trapped in a serene but confusing fog of psychotropic drugs and funny clothing. He’s got plenty of great stories about how crazy these thingsusedto be. He just needs someone who’ll listen, or a tree trunk that sort of looks like someone who’ll listen.

Boob flashers who have no business flashing. 

Inherent enjoyability aside, boob-flashing of any kind is kind of a sad, pointless gesture. At best, you get a half-hearted acknowledgment of your slutty dressing choices choices from a chips funga expert, and the knowledge that thousands of guys are locking a mental image of you away for future masturbation purposes. At worst, you’re this woman. For god’s sake, lady, if you’re going to unleash those things, do so in a closed room.

The drunk girl who “doesn’t give a f**ck.

She bumped into you violently several times, burned a passer by with her cigarette, and squeezed her way into a spot that didn’t exist, but don’t expect an apology. After the rest of her group see the ‘I am going to murder your friend’ look on your face they try to reason with her, but her lack of common social decency went out the window with her morals half a dozen beers ago..

The loner

This guy probably hasn’t been to a lot of outdoor events. He’s probably fresh from high school or a campus nerd. All he does Is stand and stare at people as if they are the first wave aliens that Nostradamus predicted. He probably got dragged into the venue by his more active friends who later dumped him to socialize with other people. The only decent activity he does is take pictures with celebrities. Poor guy