WHAT DOES WHERE YOU LOVE RAVING SAY ABOUT YOU?

And once again, the weekend is upon us.

And where shall you be spending your’s hmm? Have you ever thought what the club you frequent says about you?
I bet you will be at Changes aye? And you there, Scratch is your plan right? And your girlfriend wants you to go to Skylux right? Classy one that!
Well, Uncle Chim Tuna is here to tell you what the joint you’re at says about you. Let’s get right into it shall we?

Liddos
Ye are a pervert but a proud perv at that! Keep the struggle amongst other things strong! Perhaps you’ll live to see Kenya adopt strip clubs as a national heritage.

Scratch
You must be one upstanding gentleman aren’t you? And you have a penchant for letting bouncers touch you in all the wrong places in the name of a security check. Cavity searches anyone?
If you’re a lass, you are into getting groped by random hairy men and/ or having men grind on you after stealthily creeping up behind you. You i am afraid are the epitome of ratchet. But don’t worry, you’re in good company at Scratch.

Riviera
You are on a budget but you respect yourself enough to have a good time when you go out. You enjopy good music, dancing and ok service.
If you are a lass, i would ask you to marry me because you understand that not everyone has money but you stick by your safara lad. Sadly, Uncle Chim Tuna is not the marrying type.

Tribeca
Where have you left your wife? And how did you get all that Viagra without being in possession of a prescription hmmm? And as Nali said, stop eye-rap*ng that lass by the counter you old man!
If you’re a lass, you are a downright disgrace! How dare you try to party at a retirement home hmmm? For shame! I can’t wait for schools to open again young one!

Galileos
You enjoy a good party almost as much as you enjoy fighting! And the bouncers love to indulge you. So by all means Rocky, go out and have another epic fight. And to think you are old enough to become a politician!
If you’re a lass, i won’t even talk about you! I fear your boyfriend will think i’m trying to get fresh get physical.

Champagne Bar
I’m shocked you even know what i’m talking about! You my good man have exquisite taste& the money to back it up. And ofcourse you are used to people catering to your every whim.
If you’re a lass, same thing applies.

Molly’s
You’re a cheap one with no shame! You came out to get hammered and you aren’t taking any prisoners! And i am with you right on the money. You have a sense of humour cos you can afford the best but you want time out with the lads. Bromance! *grunt*
If you’re a lass, where’s your boyfriend at cos he dragged you here! Although lasses here always look good!

Changes

Nuff sed!

Skylux
You have lots of money but no taste. Yeah you can pop them bottles at V.I.P but you do not have the class required to know that the waiters should wait on you hand and foot at the prices your paying!
Either that or you just want to party with the stars and are willing to pay an arm and a leg just to feel like a celebrity.
The lasses come out all decked for all that red carpet treatment but these are the type to waste a lad’s time. They mistake snobbery for sophistication.

Volar
You are clearly from the upper echelon and you want to party with other people whose parents are in your parent’s tax bracket so you are willing to go bundu-bashing just to do so.
The lasses here know a thing or two about style and they are always dressed to the nines! You my dear have style and class and a really short dress on. The security is also above par so you don’t have to worry about myopic lads harrassing you.

Brew Bistro
Brew dudes have money and taste but sadly, not enough to get them the Champagne Bar. But they are working their way there. These guys are laid back and have sidi to spare.
If you are a lass, you have style and grace and you kcan afford to have fun in a truly safe and tasteful environment.

Nairobi West Mall
You work hard for your’s and you aren’t about to do an insane thing like spend 10,000/- on a bottle short of it being a bottle of water from the fountain of infinite wisdom!
You are a predictable and boring one but you do know how to have the odd good time.