A Sad Letter From An Angry Chicken To A Luhya Man (I’ve Had Enough)

Dear Etemesi and all the other Luhyas out there

I am writing this today because i’ve had enough. Today is my turn to vent my fury. I am tired of being your slave. What’s wrong with you people? What’s this life but a pot of boiling water, Royco, tomatoes and vegetables? I understand my eventual fate but it’s not quite the befitting end. I know where I am headed. I know my remains shall be transported via plate to the table before I am laid to rest in your stomachs and buried with tons of ugali. Lakini tuache kuzoeana tafadhali.

Why would you do this to me? I’ve always been disciplined. I always know when to come back home in the evening. I am never late. I give you a lot of food too in the name of eggs. After all the things I do, you still find fun in terminating my life unceremoniously. Kwani can’t we all just get along?

You would think that my life would be tad easy given I don’t have to wake up early in the morning to brush my teeth, shower, put on make-up and go to work. Oh my bad! I do wake up early daily and that’s because that cock doesn’t know how to keep his big beak shut.

What? You think I can’t say it to his face that he’s a cock? What do you take me for? A chicken? You are right either way. I am a sad chicken.

I can’t even remember my birthday. I can’t remember exactly when I was born because you know we chickens don’t have calendars. I was the product of a street romance though. Mother told me she was chased around Busia town by father. She ran as fast as she could but he caught up with her near the Mama Mboga’s stall and proceeded to mount her while planting kisses on her neck

So yeah, there I was, conceived in glory, looking like a fly egg when I was popped out of my mother’s big behind.

Father didn’t exactly stay to be the bread winner of the family as he could only manage to pick up a few grains per day. He’s a well known player. Before mother knew it, father had eloped with another fat chicken.

So give us a break you Luhya guys. The life of a chicken isn’t exactly an easy one. The daily running from un-cultured humans, drivers and perverted cocks drains the energy out of us

As we pass through your favorite restaurant? What do we see? BAM! We see Julius, rolling on some grill naked. Beheaded to death too. I mean Julius ruled the streets, feared all round and there he is, rolling like a Martyr. Na tufununu tunasema mimi ndio next.

It’s not funny anymore. Every holiday season involves our lives at risk. Really….what’s wrong with you people? Why don’t you murder goats and cows at the same rate?

And nowadays you guys don’t even wait for special holidays anymore. You just be eating chickens left, right and center like we don’t matter. Take a chill pill guys. Eat kumbe kumbe or something

As you put my brother s and sisters in cages or tie us up to some poles, remember you are doing us a great injustice and violating our fundamental rights to life.

And all that rubbish you feed us in the name of food. May the Lord forgive you for that. Judgement day will come

And yeah, why do you all have to kill us by slicing our throats. Can’t you think of a more humane and creative way to do it? I don’t see humans having their throats sliced on the regular. Here’s a suggestion. How about you poison us with some food supplements? Oh! That puts you at risk of eating poisoned meat? Tell me something I don’t know.

To the issue of plucking off our feathers. Be easy. Some of us saved a lot for our Gucci feathers. You can’t just be all up in our business plucking feathers .

Anyway I can complain all day but you won’t understand. I just wanted the world to know my plight. Maybe one day someone will save us and I shall be remembered as the Martin Luther King of Chicken

Yours

-Etemesi’s chicken