CABU GAH DIARIES: 10 Reasons Why Caroline Mutoko Offered Laura Oyier,The Ksh.230,000 Intercontinental Girl,A Job.

 Laura Oyier exploded on us in a way we didn’t quite expect. I mean,stars are born daily but not quite in the unconventional manner and fashion Laura was.

No one shot to fame by bailing out on a hotel bill…After staying there for 3 weeks,no less. But Laura did…somehow.

The bill was astounding…But not half as much as her very prominent tattooed eyelashes which,according to her,are a ‘conversation starter’. Boy,the cheek!

Laura is many things; she’s actually a good singer as much as she’s a good actress…she’s a good speaker as well as a culture rebel…

But really,after all the hullabaloo has fizzled out,and the bills have been settled,Here are the 10 things Laura has taught me. And probably should teach You too.

And after learning from them,I get to realize that these 10 things are also the things,the Laura qualities,that made Caroline Mutoko offer to give her a job. That suddenly….These are lessons. And reasons,all at the same time….

1. YOU OWN YOUR STORY.

And can choose to twist it and shape it however you like. After watching the several Laura interviews on YouTube,I realized that,despite the fact that the media had already decided what led to Laura’s 3-week sojourn in the 5-star hotel,despite the fact that we had all been told of some dubious Nigerian man who was the architect of it all,Laura changed the story. And owned it. The media could have been right; But Laura rubbished the public knowledge…And brought in her version. She even classically denied the very obvious bleach job . And stuck to it. Genius.

2. YOU ARE NOT WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE.
From the first minute I saw Laura’s photo circulating on the internet,I decided one thing; This girl was a crook,a conniving little thug and a seasoned con. She appeared hideous to Me. And a little shady,ratchet and thuggish…what with that screaming eyebrow. But Alas,girl isn’t so dumb after all. She actually sounded real smart and sober. The minute I heard her talk,I thought to myself,Damn! We should have heard her talk before seeing her photos!

3. NO PUBLICITY IS BAD PUBLICITY
Laura,clearly,knows the value of publicity. And publicity, my friends,is priceless. And so,in order to thoroughly milk her ordeal and turn it into a career-launching goldmine,Laura decided to bait the media….And only talk to the best. At her own time,own volition,own interview venues and own dictation. She’s hogged the limelight. Like only a pro can. Smart bitch.

4. NO PAIN, NO GAIN
To clearly understand Laura’s first flirtation with pain,her tattooed eyebrows would be a good place to start. They’re comical. And eye-popping at best….But still,to attain the beauty she thought-and still thinks-they’d bring,she settled for tattooed eyebrows. Tattooed eyebrows! Man! That takes courage! Tattoos are a painful procedure. And Laura braved it…in pursuit of a fleeting goal. Well….No pain…

5. NO REGRETS
Listening to Laura talk,watching her laugh as effortlessly as she does,seeing her giggle and poke fun not just at herself but her hosts, Laura appeared to be saying; I REGRET NOTHING. I DO NOT regret that I was launched to the limelight so ignominiously, neither do I regret my inability to pay my own bills,neither do I regret that some ‘boyfriend’ may have let me down at the 11th hour. Laura is Miss No Regrets. She took everything in her stride. And still managed to laugh.Pow!

6. KEEP THE EYE ON THE BALL
Laura also taught me that,no matter what happens,no matter what manner of distractions you encounter,no matter the unexpected upheavals, DO NOT take your eyes off the prize. Stay focused. On the goal. All the time. Laura’s goal,clearly, was to find fame and launch her nascent music career….And despite the court distractions and social media interruptions, Laura’s still on the way to stardom. She hasn’t forgotten her plan. Or what she intended to achieve…despite all the noises all around her. She stays FOCUSED. On fame. And her showbiz career. Forward Ever. Backward never!

7. IN BAD SITUATIONS, LAUGH AT YOURSELF
Let me tell You something,nothing moves the human psyche more than a human being’s ability to laugh at themselves. And poke fun at themselves. Its a powerful social aphrodisiac… It draws people to You. And disarms even the worst of haters. One of the biggest reasons why Kevin Hart is such a huge comedy superstar right now,is Hart’s own tendency to laugh at himself,poke fun at his shortcomings and laugh away his actual tribulations. From the interviews I have seen of Laura,especially on that Larry Madowo show,Laura seemed to laugh at herself. And to laugh away her troubles. She never seems defensive. Or mad. Or bitter. Perfect human being. Its so hard to hate her.

8. BE READY. ALWAYS.
If You watched Laura clearly,and listened to how wittily she answered questions,watched how wryly she evaded the tough questions and watched how cunningly she circumnavigated uncomfortable questions,You will realize that this woman had done her homework. She didn’t just wake up and stumbled into the studio….she knew she was up for an interview. And she prepared herself. She armed herself. To the teeth. She was ready. For You. And for ANY question. Bring it on,Baby!

9. SHE’S CONFIDENT
Confidence will take You to the moon and back. And take you to the moon and back. Again! And again! There is nothing sexier than confidence. And Laura’s sexiness is her unabashed confidence. Girl got nerve.

10. ITS YOUR LIFE!
Yes,even after all tabloids and blogs and whatnot have made you tabloid fodder,even after all the hounds have shredded your skin and social wolves bayed for your blood,You’ve got to sit up,look yourself in your trusted mirror and say,ITS MY LIFE. Jon Bon Jovi style. You’ve got to tell the World; suck it up! I’m living my life. My way,Sinatra style. You’ve got to brush aside the brouhaha and walk tall. Very tall. Laura’s the embodiment of “My Life,My Way” .You can tell it form her gait,body language,aplomb and unusual ease even when swarmed by the bloodthirsty media. Embodiment.

Caroline Ndinda Mutoko is a known perfectionist. She only picks-and deals with-the BEST.

To blow away Caro-oops,Caroline Ndinda Mutoko-You first have to blow the world away. And hasn’t Laura blown us away?? And taught us 10 hard lessons?

Boy,no matter Miss Mutoko couldn’t resist the charm. You wouldn’t too.

Long Live,Laura!

Can’t wait to NOT listen to Your radio show though. No hard feelings.