CABU GAH DIARIES: Celebrities Are Ranked By The Alphabetical Order. From The A List. To The D-List…..Here Are The Kenyan Celebrities Who Belong In The A-List Category.

In the West,celebrities are traditionally ranked from the A-list to the D-list. All of this depends on how bankable they are…Or how washed up they are.

A bankable celebrity is a celebrity whose face and name is ubiquitous; a celebrity who commands huge fees for any appearance, performance or artistic role. An celebrity with immense respect and honor not only amongst their fellow industry mates but also from the general public…A celebrity who lives large,who is always seen and heard and whose lifestyle is not only super enviable but also worth emulating.

The kind of celebrity described above belongs in the A-list category. Which,obviously, as denoted in the alphabetical numerology,is the highest rank in the order.

And such a celebrity is called an A-list Celebrity.

Then there is also a B-list celebrity. And a C-list. And a D-list,too.

A B-list is a celebrity who is a little less famous,who makes a little less money and who commands a little less respect/admiration from the public and showbiz industry.

A C-list celebrity is a real real struggling celebrity. And a D-list,well,it’s a celebrity who is as good as dead. Really.

Famous A-list celebrities include Angelina Jolie,Brad Pitt,Oprah Winfrey,Beyonce,Jay Z,Justin Bieber and Lady Gaga.

B-list celebrities,according to IMDb,include Chris Tucker,Master P,Eddy Murphy,Lindsay Lohan,Lara Flynn Boyle,Monica and Hilary Swank.

C-list celebrities include Ray-J,Riff Raff,Kevin Federline,Rob Kardashian,Nigeria’s Denicia,Tanzania’s Ray- C and akina Bobbi Kristina…..

So,who are Kenya’s A-list celebrities??

Well,follow Me as I try to patch up a list of some of the brightest and most visible,most wealthy, most bankable,most respectable, most gifted and most relevant Kenyan Celebrities…

The A-listers….

1. Maina Kageni….He hosts the one radio show which is arguably the MOST listened to Breakfast show in Nairobi… His voice reaches millions of ardent listeners, he was awarded with a Brand new Chevrolet last year for being a steadfast Manchester United fan,commands huge,huge salary for his radio show,rakes in more millions from separate endorsements and is rumoured to own homes in The USA. Whoa! Quite the A-list celebrity!

2. Churchill….Mwalimu King’ang’i.
His story is almost similar to that of his Classic 105 Breakfast Show co-host Maina Kageni. Besides making millions upon millions per month,from a combined salary that stems from his TV,radio,social media and blogging jobs,Churchill is also one of the MOST respected comics,artists and celebrities in Kenya. And also one of the most visible…..

3. Jaguar
He calls President Uhuru Kenyatta “My Boy….” Well,when is the last time You called the President of the Republic,”Your Boy??” He’s King Jaguar. And don’t get me started on his wealth. Please don’t.

4. Vera Sidika…
I hate to do this. I truly,truly hate to do this….But I had to. Yes,Queen Vee belongs in the list, too. Just like Kim Kardsahian,who hopped from the D-list category in 2006 to the A-list category in 2014,Vera has done quite good for herself….And jumped from a pretty obscure village black rat in 2012 to an A-list superstar in 2014. Glory to the big bum!

5. Lupita Nyong’o….
She should have been on the top of this list,right? Wrong. Why? Because this list is not arranged in any particular order. So I can throw in any celebrity at whichever number I want…they’re still an A-list celeb. But honesty, Lupita is the A-list of them ALL! The A-list of Africa,I dare say!

6. Eric Omondi…
Well,I don’t know how he ended up here…But,looking around, and looking at what he does,who he does it with,who he hangs out with and which brands he endorses,I guess he belongs in the list,too. I guess. But he has to convince all of us. He really has.

7. Sauti Sol…
The whole damn band is an A-list Band. Even Your grandmother knows that….I was going to break the band down,though….And throw some of it’s members to the B-list . Or the C-list. For instance,Polycarp Otieno. Lakini wacha tu.

8. Jalang’o…
Not only one of the most hilarious comics we have,He’s also one of the most bankable Kenyan entertainers who commands very huge salaries for all if his radio,TV,corporate and theatre jobs combined…He cruises around in an earth-shattering Range Rover,too. And is one of the most visible and respectable artists Kenya currently boasts.

9. Jeff Koinange…
Well,isn’t it obvious that he belongs in this list??

10. MacDonald Mariga…
Hws a millionaire. Multimillionaire. He drives around in Lamborghinis and Porsches and Maserattis. He’s a top-ranked football player in Europe. Join the dots.

11. Dennis Oliech.
Refer to Mariga’s story above…..

12. Daddy Owen…
He’s the King of Gospel Music. Period!

13. Nameless….And Wahu
For these two stars,their level of fame is the same. Their period of fame is also the same. Their style of music is the same…their preferred record labels are the same…and their bedcovers are also the same. They also share children. And last names. And because they’re still not irrelevant,they deserve to be here ….As a couple…It’s better that way…

14. Muthoni Drummer Queen…
Yaaaaas,the original boss lady is an A-lister! Very very A-list,I tell You! Her money,talent,prowess,relevancy, exploits and monthly music extravaganzas will attest to that.

15. Size 8….
Hmmmmm……I dunno what to say….Her inclusion in this list, I know,is highly debatable. But still……

16. Redsan .
Of course Yes! Despite his failure to grow and transition into a 21-century musician…Free from the 2004 durags and suits and accents,He’s still got it. Somehow. And he’s also pretty decent,talented, professional,respectable and bankable….But those suits tho…..

17. P-Unit….
Yup,the whole crew belongs here. They’re A-list celebrities. No damn arguments about that. Their international awards,nominations,hit songs,trendsetting ways and street relevance are enough testimony. A bigger shout out to Frasha tho ….

18. STL
I don’t like her. Don’t like her music either…Or hairstyle. Or whatever she ever ever brings to the table. But hey,she sits pretty in the A-list corner. Pretty. Ask Norwegians.

19. Eric Wainaina…
It’s sacrilegious to not include Mr. Mzalendo in this list. Sacrilegious.

20. Larry Madowo
Well,Didn’t we all see this coming?? Of course we did! TV superstar extraordinaire. Hosts Friday Night’s most popular TV show….And his face,voice and smile…absolutely ubiquitous. He’s a bigger household name than a household item. But TV zilizimwa,so get ready to watch him drown from the A-list to the D-list real fast. Haha. I kid.

Well….Well….those are the quick 20 celebrities-or group of celebrities-I could think of….

But No,this list is NOT exhaustive. Not at all…..You can still throw in some more….If You think they fit the bill.

And No,Your local celebrity in your local neighborhood does NOT belong here. Doesn’t matter how many times he has offset Your bills at the local swimming pool. Mafeelings tuwache….

COMING UP NEXT:

LIST OF B-LIST KENYAN CELEBRITIES.

Wait for it….