CABU GAH DIARIES: Emmanuel Adebayor…Hey,If Your Brother Or Sister Is A Celebrity,Here’s 8 Things You Need To Know. And Do. Number 6 Is A Must!

On May 5th,Celebrity African footballer Emmanuel Adebayor,that very agile and incredibly gifted striker from Togo,launched a blistering broadside on his entire family…publicly rubbishing them in ways that,in Africa,are unprecedented.

After what he says are eleven years of suffering in silence,Togolese footballer Emmanuel Adebayor took to Facebook to,very severely,shred into his whole family…branding them a bunch of thankless,lazy scoundrels who’ve,for decades,taken his kindness for granted while,all thorough,biting the very hand that fed them.

He took swings at his mother,his sister and brothers and fell short of ripping his dead brother apart too.

Emmanuel,a highly-respected African footballer and a god to Millions of soccer-mad African fanatics,took the unprecedented step of naming and shaming his family across social media after expressing frustrations in dealing with his family members in private.

According to him,he bought his mother cars and jewelry and clothes amounting to Millions of euros but still,the old woman remained thankless. And cold.

At 17,Adebayor,with his initial salary from football,constructed a house for his WHOLE family but still,the gratitude was far to come by.

And despite years of kindness,unbridled generosity and much help from him,his siblings-aided by his impossible-to-bear mother-still remained hostile to him…Rude,thankless,ungrateful and a nuisance.

Exasperated,Adebayor brought the battle to Facebook. And boy,has it ignited a conversation.

Not one to let a fight end fast,Adebayor is actually planning to release more “dossiers” on his siblings after dropping yet another hot one exclusively dedicated to his kleptomaniac brother,Rotimi Adebayor,last night.

From Adebayor’s unprecedented Facebook rants,You can tell that his whole family is made up of a bunch of thankless,lazy slobs who will sit around all day and wait for goodies and freebies without needing to work for their own bread or sweat fro their own survival.

Footballers are paid staggeringly-high salaries and you can tell why the attitude.

From Adebayor’s posts,you can see the mentality; Our brother is super rich,in fact,super wealthy,so let’s laze around and watch him take care of us.

In Africa,and this is very unfortunate,siblings of a much wealthier person tend to believe that they are entitled to that person’s wealth. And that they HAVE A RIGHT to be taken care of. By their elder,richer sibling…By the stupid virtue of “Family”.

These lazy freeloaders believe that they DESERVE luxury and attention and help from their wealthier-and more fortunate-sibling and thus,they find NO need to work hard,earn their own bread or chart their own paths to success.

And when their wealthy sibling fails to come through for them,and deliver them to the fantasy land they’ve been farting around dreaming of,they insult and curse and ostracize him. And,in severe instances,the madness pours out to the gossip-loving public. As is now the case with poor Emmanuel.

The easiest ways to be super super wealthy in Africa today-in fact,in the World-is by being a celebrity. A heavily-worshiped and much sought-after artiste of whichever popular trade.

And every celebrity has a brother. Or Sister. Could be older…Or younger than them. And those are the people I need to address today.

Hey,Even if Your brother or sister is a high-flying,super wealthy celebrity today,cutting deals from boardroom to boardroom and clinching deals from Safaricom to Equity Bank,Here’s a few things You MUST KNOW:

1. IT’S THEIR MONEY
The money your celebrity relative is making is THEIRS. And theirs alone. It’s NOT yours. And never will be! They have a right to squander it if they wish,spend it if they wish,invest it if they wish or donate it to charities do they wish. And there’s NOTHING you can do about it. They made it…So they get to spend it. As they wish. Without Your permission. Or input. You own not a cent in the millions. Not a freakin’ cent,brother! Always remember that.

2. GET A LIFE…
Your Brother is on TV,so what!?? Your sister is touring with Beyonce…And performing with Davido,so what!? That’s their life,get yours! Stop wanting to hang around them…Or their life. Stop wanting to be them. Or like them. Stop basking in THEIR glory. Go out there and get a life…Get busy,find yourself,stop the childish fantasies and please stop name-dropping. They’re related to You,we get it…Now,forget all that,rise up and find yourself. Be yourself and busy yourself. Lazy ass slob!

3. THEY’RE IN THE PUBLIC…PROTECT THEM
Ok,so your brother’s allover the place…winning awards and dining with Leaders and touring the World and performing for thousands but YOU are still there doing Your little,embarrassing things…You are still there involved in petty crimes,talking petty stuff,dressing stupid,thinking silly and acting like a whole new jerk from Mercury!?? Brother please! STOP embarrassing your celebrity sibling! Protect them…protect his name…protect their status…Learn to behave,handle yourself and to have some discipline. Quit dragging Your celebrity sisters name thorough mud. Simply because you’re a little,brainless twat! Kid,behave! Big bro’s a star!

4. GET A JOB…
I told you to get a life earlier but now am telling you…Get a Job! Getting a life and getting a Job are two different things. And you seriously need to get both! Sure,your brother’s playing at the Premier League but so what!!? Get a Job,too! Just like him! Sure,Your sister’s an African superstar but so what!?? Find something you can do too…Get out and get a Job. Earn Your own bread. And support your damn self! Like Adebayor’s siblings,quit sitting around waiting for goodies. Make Your own coins…no matter how little they are. Make them!

5. HE’S A STAR,SO HE MUST BE BUSY!
Your brother is a superstar…who meets a billion people on a daily basis. And signs a thousand contracts per week! Damn,he must be busy! So quit wanting to see him every so often. Quit wanting them to call you every two days. Quit expecting them at every lame family function. Quit expecting them to immediately pick your baseless call whenever you call idly call them! Unlike you, they’re celebrities. Which means,a busier life. And a tougher schedule. Understand and move on.

6. BE THANKFUL
Everything that Your famous sister or brother does FOR you is done out of goodwill. Not as a constitutional requirement. Everything your celebrity sibling does for you is a favor. Not a right. And therefore,You must learn to thank them. Profusely. You must be grateful for every fur coat they brought you,every jewelry they bought you,every car they made you ride around in and every house they built for Your broke ass family. It WAS a favor. And it shall always remain to be one. They did it because you’re family. Not because the bible says so. THANK THEM. ALWAYS.

7. THEY’RE HUMAN,TOO
Yup,in case you forgot,these celebrity relatives are human too. Just like you and Your thoughtless self,they can get real pissed too. And really exasperated. And just like you,they have emotions and feelings and desires. And Yes,they get mad too. And tired. And sick of the family bullshit. Just like Emmanuel Adebayor. And,in due time,they may blow up. And cut all the ties they ever had with You. And never look back. Ever. You will curse them and say that “they changed”. But no,they didn’t changed. You’re the one who sucks.

8. GROW UP
For chrissakes GROW UP! Please,Just grow up! Quit sitting around lamenting about stuff you can’t control…Quit lazing around accusing Your celebrity brother of stuff he did. Or didn’t do. You’re 30! Seriously,You need to grow up. And act like the seasoned adult you are. Quit picking stupid beefs with Your celebrity brother…for stuff you expected him to do for you. And didn’t do. Not unless you’re an acne-laden 13 year old,quit picking fights with him. Because of HIS wealth. And how HE chooses to use it. Or his time. And how HE chooses to spend it. Just fuckin grow up!

I was watching an interview in which American Hot 97 presenter Angie Martinez was hosting legendary rap mogul Jay Z and asking him to comment about disparaging comments made about him by former associates Beanie Seagal,Camron and Dame Dash.

These people had been bad-mouthing Jay Z in interviews and records,calling him out and trash-talking him for months.

“Jay,what do You have to say about the likes of Beanie Seagal and Dame Dash,Your former collaborators and business associates,who are now dissing you and talking smack about you!?”

Jay Z : Let me tell You,Angie…If You’ve listened to these people closely you will realize that they have a problem with me for things I DIDN’T DO FOR them. Not things I DID TO THEM. As long as you’re mad at Jay for things he DIDN’T DO for You,You’re just becoming stupid and petty and childish. Be mad at me for things I DID TO YOU. Not things I DIDN’T DO FOR YOU.

And,that,ladies and gentlemen,is the best way to end this article.

As for the Adebayor docu-series,You can camp HERE. And wait up on the upcoming episodes. EMPIRE ain’t got nothing on this…It’s entertaining as hell. As hell.