CABU GAH DIARIES: Shut Up Already! You Little Gospel Clowns….Enough Of The Poverty Blah Blah Blah

I am getting sick and tired of getting sick and tired of listening to these Gospel whizkids repeating their same old,’I was brought up in poverty’ non-story. Oh please…We’ve heard it enough,now,can we all move on? Please!?

Every time these vaunted Gospel-and even Secular,by the way- music clowns win any sort of Award,they go all in,flooding the flooded hall with the same old tales of just what a life of abject penury they were brought up in and sensationalizing their torrid past with the perfect theatrics of an Italian Opera prima donna.

Every time these kids make any sort of success, however little or downright bland,we are dragged through the same old ‘My past was full of struggle’ chorus. Every time they bag an Award or achieve some sort of typical milestone, woe unto us!

Boss,it’s getting stale now. Very absolutely stale.

There are a million successful people today who made it without having to rub their struggle story onto the noses of every hapless person who was unfortunate enough to listen to them…

There are a millions of successful people today,running shit around, stacking real cash, climbing all sorts of ladders, winning everything and anything who were brought up in Children Homes,orphanages,brought up by their sickly grandmothers, brought up in trenches and in grungy shacks…And still,You will never see them blow their past out of proportion. Or rub it so in,so deep…as these ‘successful’ Kenyan stars do.

Yup,You were brought up in a slum,You lived a life of outright pennilessness, your momma clawed her way through charcoal burrows to see you grow up and your papa wasn’t even around to cash those cheques…Ok,Ok…News Flash; Billions of people are going through that life RIGHT NOW,. And those billions of people,will,somehow,just like you, make it too…And strike it big. But No,You won’t see them blow the story out of proportion like you do,You won’t see them sensationalize it like you do,and you won’t see them create a billion disjointed songs around it like you do.

You won’t ever’ see them! Ever!

We all have a past…maybe not as bad as yours, maybe not as gruesome as yours, maybe not as impoverished as yours but still,we had a past.

We all have a story,maybe not as captivating as yours,maybe not as bewildering as yours,maybe not as grim as yours but still,It’s a story.

But you don’t see us walking around ready to splash it across the streets every time we win in life. Or wear medals.

You don’t see us walking around,looking like mobile memoirs,ready to be read and analyzed and awed upon by the masses.

So,just like us,SHUT UP! Please!

You ain’t the first to come out of the slums…And you won’t be the last. You are not the first to walk to school bare feet. And you won’t be the last.

Dammit! You ain’t the first batch of orphans ever invented. And sure as hell,You won’t be the last!

So,Little kids,once you win any sort of Award,however inconsequential or rigged,go up that stage,collect it like a pro,say a little thank you to whichever God/god you worship or people you want,drag your little clown ass down the stairs and sink it in your seat. In peace!

Spare us the tears…The ‘I was brought up in the slums‘ bullshit,the ‘my past was…’ nonsense and the ‘If I made it you will make it too’ bullcrap!

You are a musician. A bad one,actually. Not a motivational Speaker! If I wanted to be motivated,I’d buy a Joyce Meyer book. Not listen to you. Or watch you cry yourself silly in an attempt to inspire me. Or remind me where you are from.

And one more thing,stop mentioning the silly names of your silly slums in all of your silly songs! One song is enough…Maybe two. And then,MOVE ON!

You are in the studio to sing songs…Not to yell your autobiographies.

Njenga Karume had a worse start than all of ya’ll. But he dint spend all his political lfe reminding us that. He just wrote a book,detailed all his charcoal past in it,we bought it,read it,got the message and stashed the book away. Simple!

You should all try that…Little crying kids. Little slum kids. Little ‘I was brought up poor’ kids’. Little Inspirational figures.

Lord,It’s getting insanely’ boring! And I can’t stand another ‘I used to sleep hungry’ story.

We all slept hungry at some point,You attention-loving,emotional wrecks!

Oh,and by the way,do you know just what a horrible horrible life all our Record-breaking,World-dominating Athletes went through? Growing up in the cold,dusty hills of Eldoret? Iten? They went through a worse life than you.

And they are making much-infact,muuuuuch more- millions than all of you,they are known by much more people than you,they’ve won bigger Awards than you and are celebrated by much more people than you…

But when is the last time you saw a successful jackpot-winning Kenyan athlete regale us with endless tales of their horrible upbringing in Kapsapet? Kabarnet? Maralal? When?

Learn from them. No,seriously,learn from these athletes.

Good Lord! Can I get some Flirt Vodka?!