Ghafla Exclusive: Tony Mochama(Smitta Smitten) Finally Speaks About His Life, Upcoming Book And New Girlfriend After He Was Accused of Sexual Molestation 6 Months Ago

 6 months ago,Tonny Mochama,the gifted wordsmith was minding his business when,out of the blue,two sex activists crawled from the woodwork to try and tie him to a fictitious sexual molestation case. And then his world fell apart.

After what he calls a very successful and blissful weekend, the last thing Tonny Mochama( Smitta Smitten) expected is a bunch of middle-aged,conniving activists to blow up on Twitter and try to not only malign his name and venerable reputation but also drag him into some legal mud he’d still be fighting to get out of…6 months later.

The ladies in question are Wambui Mwangi and Shalija Patel …..and around October 2014, these ladies descended on Twitter-I’m surprised they knew how to use Twitter-and,for the next 2 billion hours or so,made sure that Smitta Smitten would be the TRENDING TOPIC. Why? Well,because,according to their very fertile imaginations, Tonny had sexually molested one of them-Shalija Patel,the grey-haired bald-headed poet-cum-i-don’t-know-what-else.

They tweeted the whole universe asking them to disassociate with Smitta Smitten ASAP! They also,ceaselessly, tweeted Smitta’s employers,publishers and sponsors, telling them that Smitta was an unscrupulous, sexual predator who deserved neither a job nor sponsorship.

Well, the case blew up in gigantic ways….And now 6 months later, I sought out  Smitta Smitten for a follow-up interview. And he was more than willing to graciously accord me a sitting.

We sat yesterday over ‘vinywajis’ as he likes to call them, and had quite a chat….

CABU GAH: Thank you for making time for this interview bro…Let’s launch right in. So,the case came….and you were dragged to court. Were you acquitted or what!?

Smitta: Acquitted?? I was NEVER even charged! Leave alone acquitted! There were NO grounds to charge me…to sustain the dubious, implausible ‘case’ these hate peddlers thought they had on me…It all fell apart…just like that!

CG: Just like that!?

Smitta: Just like that! There was NO evidence whatsoever… And you know, the courts hate having their time wasted…We couldn’t stay forever in a court determining a crime that never even happened in the first place…

CG: Wow! So….tell Me, why would two fellow poets and writers sit down and cook up a cock-and-bull story just to frame you and watch you fall!?

Smitta: I wouldn’t know! It’s just preposterous! I had been having a beef with Shalija though…been having a beef with her for almost the last ten years…I guess she must have grabbed an opportunity to finally nail me and win this whole beef thing…I wouldn’t know…

CG: What was the beef all about!?

SMITTA: It wasn’t even personal…It was professional. Professional beef bro…You know…We are both writers,poets,linguists…I had been critiquing her work for long…and making caricatures of her in my segment Scene @t..it was all in a day’s work…nothing personal…

CG: But we all know that Scene At is a humor segment… And that you are a satirist…and use sarcasm a lot in your articles…especially as Smitta Smitten…why wouldn’t see that too?

SMITTA: Cabu, some people take themselves too seriously…

CG: I know…I mean, I know a no-nonsense female politician from Central Kenya who sued the political parody show XYZ for making fun of her…

SMITTA: Some people will never see the humor in anything… And thus, will always want to personalize anything they deem detrimental to their ‘image’. Crazy!

CG: Where were you when this whole nonsense first started?

SMITTA: I had had what I would call the best weekend ever…I had just performed at STORY MOJA FESTIVAL..Infact, I am the only local poet who was given the most time and segments to perform among all local other local poets and writers…and then I watched my favorite Football team Chelsea play against Man-City the following Sunday… It was a beautiful, beautiful weekend…

CG: And then….

SMITTA: And then I woke up on Monday morning feeling like shit…You know …all Monday mornings suck…(Laughs) I woke Up feeling like crap! And then I took my laptop…to log into Facebook…I remember very well..I wanted to make a Facebook update…but to this day, I never got around to making that update …

CG: What was the update? What was it about!?

SMITTA: I remember very well, I wanted to update: “After the most Beautiful Sunday night, comes the most dreadful Monday morning…”

CG: Wow. Sounds like a premonition…

SMITTA: I know! I didn’t know that the poetic thoughts that were crawling through my mind would actually be realized very fast….

CG: Ahaa…

SMITTA: So, as I was logging into Facebook to post that ka-update…I got a call. It was my ex-girlfriend…Cate….we shall just call her Cate…She called me and told me ,”Is what I am hearing true!? I seriously hope it’s not true!”

CG: And then…

SMITTA: My kid siz lives in Essex, Brito…(Britain) and you know what, the thought that first came into my mind was “My kid siz had passed away bro..”

CG: Wow…..

SMITTA: Yes! She’s my only sibling…and because she had been really close and tight with my ex-galfie Cate, I immediately thought that Cate was talking about my kid siz…

CG: And then…

SMITTA: You wouldn’t believe it but I was actually RELIEVED when I finally learnt that I was being accused of sexual molestation…

CG: Relieved!? Not shocked!!?

SMITTA: I mean, compared to the magnitude and sheer shock of losing your ONLY siz, sexual molestation allegation weren’t that bad …(Laughs)

Shalija Patel

CG: And then….

SMITTA: And then everyone started calling me…Just about everyone. My Facebook blew up too…a thousand inboxes….I couldn’t keep up. And then I logged into Twitter… I had actually forgotten my Twitter password…so I logged into Twitter using a colleague’s account…and then all the shock hit me! I was TRENDING on Twitter….I was the number one topic on Twitter…Nationally! Nationally bro! It’s crazy!

CG: You’d never trended on Twitter before….

SMITTA: Hell,I didn’t even know what Trending On Twitter means…I ain’t all that technological… Like you guys…(Laughs) I told you I had even forgotten my Twitter password…

CG: Haha…

SMITTA: Bro,I won the Burt Award For African Literature with my book Meet The Omtitas…I won Ksh.430,000 man! Beating out many, many polished African Writers… I won that for a book I wrote and yet I never trended on Twitter! I never!

CG: Sad…

SMITTA: Not just that…I also trounced over 300 writers from all over Africa to bag a writing scholarship ; The Morland Writing Scholarship for African Writers…

CG: Incredible…

SMITTA: Yes,and I won a grant worth $18,000…that is around Ksh. 1.6 million bro…to write a fictional book…and yet, yet again, I never trended on Twitter …I wish I trended on Twitter after making Kenya proud! Not for this bullshit bro!

CG: It’s a shame!

SMITTA: People love sleaze…and dirt…and unfounded gossip…Bad news travels faster than good news ..it’s human nature…and it’s not good at all…

CG: Have you recovered now!? From all the shock and mudslinging and character assassination?

SMITTA: No! And that’s why I am suing these women! I have already instigated a Defamation suit against them! It’s already in court!

CG: Oh,already!? How’s it going!?

SMITTA: Its going great …But Cabu, my lawyers are not cheap. Not they’re not. I am paying out incredible amounts of legal fees to them! But I must be vindicated! And I must win this!

CG: For how much are you suing them?

SMITTA: 3 million Kenya shillings! Yes,3! I am not saying I will get it…But I want this case to be precedent-setting. I want them to finally see who’s having the last laugh. I lost a lot…I was traumatized. I was supposed to travel to Ukraine this June for a literary festival. And I will not. This is all because of this dubious allegations …and the lawsuit and currently handling.

CG: Of all things they could accuse you of, why sexual harassment!?

SMITTA: I DON’T KNOW! It’s crazy man! I mean, I have been a top-rated entertainment writer for over a decade now! Been in this industry for 11 years Cabu! I’ve attended real parties, met real hot girls, attended bikini parties…seen all these young, nubile girls…hang out with them and watched them strut their stuff…and yet I’ve never ever even had the slightest interest in them…young sexy and hot as they are…why would a man like me then want to grip and molest middle-aged women? At 1pm in the afternoon!!? In a crowded room!? Am I crazy!?! I mean, I’ve partied with bikini-clad models past midnight and never even bothered with them…how then would I find the motivation to molest these sort of people? Who even molests professed sex activists!? Come on now!

(Smitta’s really gorgeous girlfriend Flora joins us)

CG: Flo…what was your reaction after you saw the tweets?

FLO: I laughed. I just laughed. I know …and I know what Tonny is capable of…and that’s why I laughed…

CG: What is Smitta capable of!?

FLO: Well,if you told me that You met Tonny at some club watching his favorite team Chelsea,really drunk on vodka ,swearing and breaking a bottle without his shirt on,I would believe You….But sexual molestation? Seriously? Give a brother a break now! Will you!??!

(Smitta laughs)

CG: Did this case derail you? Derail your projects? Or just stop you from doing your daily, professional stuff!?

SMITTA: NO! Never! I still did my thing! As I told you earlier, I was committed to finishing my book as stipulated in the Morland prize…and Bro,I did finish the manuscript by December last year. I still worked on and finished a poetry book by March(last month) and I am now on a six month sabbatical during which I will finish my antiterrorism play ‘Black Mamba’,do a sequel to the Award-winning book ‘Meet the Omtitas’ and write the ‘Ninth Commandments’ short study collection book…I’ve been working hard…as usual…maybe even harder…

CG: Ninth Commandments!? What’s that all about?

SMITTA: It’s a collection of short stories based on injustice…stories about people who were judged wrongly…people who were crucified for stuff they never did…people who endured unbearable public judgement…people who were cyber-bullied….just a story on justice and lack of it…for the innocent…like Me…

CG: Beautiful. Parting shot?

SMITTA: Well,I want it to be known that Smitta Smitten cannot be a sacrificial lamb. Smitta cannot be slaughtered like a sheep. And also,let it be known that you can’t abuse Lady Justice and think you’ll survive. I also want to quote a bible verse that says that “The blood of the innocent cries out for vengeance”. And one last quote,” You can’t build a stool whose base is made of a fabric of fabrications and whose legs are made of shit…”

CG: Any regrets?

SMITTA: None! I did law in school…We have no regrets….Life happens….I am all good…not even bitter,Bro

CG: Tonny, it was a pleasure …all the best my brother!

SMITTA: Pleasure too…see you around….

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