GHAFLA EXPLORES: I Partied At A VIP Club In Lagos Nigeria This Past Weekend…. And Here Are All The Juicy Details About The Alcohol, The Prostitutes,The Juju And Where The Oga Brodas Beat Kenya

They say, ‘there ain’t no party like a Lagos party.’ When I flew to Lagos this past weekend, I was hoping that perhaps I’d find out that the saying was a well magnified lie. Unfortunately it’s all true.

Going as a ‘Blogger Of The Year’ finalist in the African Social Media Awards, I was looking forward to having mad fun. After all, travel is best expressed through celebration. And fun did come in plenty. Forget the biased press, there’s more to the Nigerian capital than film, music and Boko Haram (who are only in North East Nigeria by the way,)

The city’s glory isn’t apparent upon arrival. The airport (Murtala Muhammed) is chaotic. It’s full of gun-toting cops and self-imposed foreign exchange dealers. The immediate mtaas aren’t so beautiful either as they belong to the less-affluent members of society. Campaign posters are scattered all over as it’s election season. But dig into the sprawling concrete mass and you’ll find greater diversity and intensity that fertile ground for nightlife ought to have

The rich live mostly on the main island in palaces to die for. That’s where our five star hotel was located, just a few meters from the deputy governor’s house. The environment is vibrant and there’s class to all proceedings that take place. .

As I was in the company of a few other Kenyans, we didn’t hesitate to hit the club the night we landed. Our Nigerian hosts had proven to be friendly so I brought up the idea of us continuing with the exchange of culture over the clinking of glasses and between the flashes of strobe lights. After all, it’s always been my dream to be an international nightlife connoisseur.

Our new Nigerian friend Uche called a cab guy and asked him to take us to one of the coolest clubs around. Well, he did. Lagos touts some of the ritziest and most prestigious nightclubs. If I was to travel to all the major cities of the world and asked to name the hottest party zones, the west African port would still receive a honorary mention. It’s simple the staple of African merriment

Omojowa is what the cub guy called himself. He seemed like an honest chap but his only problem was that he couldn’t shut up. Pidgin English flew out of his mouth like missiles out of Israel into gaza. He kept bombarding us with story after story about who was who in Nigeria. Occasionally, he would slow down to show us a politician’s house or a music producer’s apartment. It was tiring but interesting nevertheless.

Initially, we found it to pick the best spot to grace but we settled on one 3-floor mega club, which according to Uche, was frequented by the P-square brothers. We were in for a few surprises though. Apparently, foreigners are not allowed to take photos. This is because the bad habits of ‘mzungu’ journalists from abroad who have the tendency of coming into Naija and taking bad pictures of Africans. . So there was an oga bouncer on our tail making sure we didn’t mess up. However, that didn’t ruin our party spirit.

‘The Paris Of Africa’ as the exuberant locals call it, has something for everybody, from young artistes blowing their signing bonuses to chiefs drinking their way through mid-life crisis. There’s an emphasis on fashion too as almost everyone has tailor-made attire. There’s no noise control though as sometimes conversations from the rich honchos get louder than the music itself

I would be a crime for me to forget the Nigerian girls. They were turnt-up like it was their last party. Thick thighs in short skirts were evident all over. Unlike in Kenya, booties aren’t a scarce resource in Niaja. Even the ugliest chic has a dereirre worth talking about.  It’s difficult to find a skinny Nigerian chic. Maybe it’s because of their indigenous delights. Fufu and strange varieties of beef which made me miss sukuma wiki and ugali. Call girls are in plenty too. You can get the skill-less cheap ones lingering outside the clubs or you can order escort services to your apartment or room by dialing the phone numbers on club posters. That’s what the ogas at the top do.

And 96 percent of the music played in clubs is all Nigerian. That’s how they love themselves. I didn’t hear a single song from any other African country apart from a little American music the rest was all Wizkid, P-Square, Iyanya, Tiwa Savage, Davido and all the other top guns. No wonder music is now considered an employment opportunity by many young Nigerians

Nothing would be complete without me talking about beer. Just like fuel, alcohol is also cheap in Nigeria. A bottle of Johnny Walker lack Label goes for about 1800 Naira only. Which when converted to Kenyan money amounts to about 900 Kenyan shillings. Our brodas drink beer like the juice and the effects? Dancing like remote controlled toys and sweating like sprinklers. The heat in Lagos is crazy oooooh. I go tell you dear brodas.

The men are playboys with no exceptions. Everywhere you look, you see a guy smiling to a chic and throwing vibe words. Although the Nigerian sistos were cozying up to us, we were all uncertain about engaging in chips funga activities. Omojowa had killed our ‘getting laid’ morale by giving us tales about women turning into chicken in hotel rooms. So we just had to put on our chill gear. Better safe than sorry right? One of us still took the risk though and he was glad to wake up the following morning with his Ozokwor bish still human and all his tools still in their right places

All in all, Lagos has a relaxed, hedonistic air, and prides itself on being Kenya-friendly and outgoing. Will I go back when another opportunity beckons? Definitely. Ah go catch up to di ting