REVEALED! The Amazing Valentines Plans That 10 Kenyan Celebs Have Put In Place For Tomorrow. Watu Wamejipanga Boss!

February 14th is around the corner… Actually,it’s less than 48 hours away. Thus is the day lovers get to share their love for each other and show some really pithy actions in a bid to prove their love to their better halves. A day filled with much romantic excitement, pomp and gleefulness and also the day when restaurants,florists,wine traders and exotic resorts experience booming business tailor made specifically for the lovebirds.

90% of the people reading this have probably made plans. The rest 10% are single. Oh,what a lucky batch! Haha.

I have made plans too. So have you. And yes,even our celebs are still at it…. Cause,surprise,they’re human too and,just like you,they love to be pampered – and to pamper – too.

So,what are the plans our Celebs have for Valentine’s? Where will they go? What will they do? Who will they take out? Oh yes,even how much are they planning to spend? Hmmmm we have the details.

1. Vera Sidika 
Reliable sources have informed us that the Reality Show Queen is also a woman of a fragile,little brittle heart and is also capable of falling in love and acting the part. Don’t be fooled by her pugnacious persona on TV,Miss Vee too is a little romantic freak who is planning to spend her Valentines Day in Dubai with an Italian man who has vast businesses in Milan and Malindi too. It should also be remembered that Vera had a scheduled appearance at a club in Mombasa on 13th February but she canceled the plans at the last minute. We’re told that the reason her show was canceled was because her Italian big daddy,a filthy rich owner of there yatchs and restaurants in Dubai called up his girl and told her that he needed to spend the whole weekend with her in Dubai. Well… Vera loves to travel. She also likes them old and rich. And also loves some exclusivity. Mombasa plans canceled. Vera will be flying out later today or early tomorrow morning. Matako ni baraka kweli.

2. Bahati
After having a very rough January and attempting a social media comeback that backfired badly on him,the last thing the Gospel whiner wants is a girl. It should be remembered that around January 12th,Bahati posed a question to his fans asking them whether he was ripe to marry. Yesterday,he even intimated to the fact that he was single yet again and yet Valentines was already here. Not one to be put down,Mtoto wa Mama has decided to spend the Day of Love with his there adopted kids,the three people he won’t stop boringly talking about or obsessing over. Bahati Is planning to fly down his there watotoz to Coastal for a weekend of fun and swimming and mahamri. It’s not yet clear which part of the Coast Bahati will be staying and winding his time away at but there are rumors he’ll be holed up in Diani for the whole weekend of love. With his three kids. Whom he won’t stop…. OK,never mind.

3. Jaguar
What plans does the wealthiest showbiz superstar have for a weekend of Love? Well,sources tell us that Jaguar will be spending the day trying to light up the faces of some kids who are still too young to know what romance is. Jaguar is famously known for his philanthropic overtures and this did not come as a surprise to us at all. The children’s home he’s planning to visit is in Eastlands and Jaguar is said to be planning to provide foodstuffs,flowers,cakes and balloons worth over Ksh. 500,000 to the over 1,000 kids. Awwwww. What is Love….

4. Penis…Ummm Pendo 
The Countess of Ratchetness also falls in love too. And this weekend,the Nairobi Diaries star is scheduled to,eeer,fight Ella for Valentines and gossip the events away with Getrude that evening. But before fighting Ella,which is the only thing she seems to know how to do,Pendo will be at some ka-ratchet restaurant along Tom Mboya Street with her Congolese jamaa for some quick mchele ndengu and passion juice. No flowers for Pendo though,we hear. No chocolates either. Bitch is too gangsta for that shit. As for a red dress,fuck it too. Warriors don’t need dresses. They need weapons. We ain’t sure Pendo will be celebrating the day of love with alot of love. We’re sorry if we didn’t mention the amount of sex she’s slatted to receive later on the night. We thought it’s obvious.

5. Larry Madowo 
For a man who travels more than he changes a pair of socks,you can be sure that this TV hothead will not be anywhere near the Country come Sunday. But even though Larry is also notoriously single, sources tell us that Larry is planning to take some pretty little girl from Nanyuki to some fancy restaurant in Egypt. Or London. Or Tel Aviv. We’re told that Larry is not yet sure which City to visit and pamper this Nanyuki girl who,we are told,has been driving him crazy. Crazier than a crazy lawsuit from a crazed blogger-cum-scum. Larry is also said to have ordered 5,000 sticks of rose flowers to be placed at the couple’s bed in the hotel suite theyre planning to spend the night in. And just last week, Larry,we are told,ordered a customized Diamond stone to be delivered to the mysterious ka-girl at her workplace along Ngong Road. Awwwww. A brother is in love. It seems….Hopefully,he’ll share an after-dinner selfie with the damsel now,or won’t he? We can only sit and pray.

6. Maina Kageni 
Maina has been single for the last 60 years. He’s been soooo single Valentines sounds like Mashujaa Day to him. The radio legend doesn’t have much plans. But he has a plan anyway… To spend the day at his local,with his boys,enjoying some fine whisky,watching a useless match and shouting himself hoarse all afternoon. What a lovely day for a loveless man! Brilliant! Just like his curtains. Haha.

7. Pastor Kanyari 

The good pastor’s Valentines plans are as confusing as his legendary sermons. First he had planned to host a Valentine’s Day special women’s sermon at his church on Sunday afternoon. And then he changed the plans and decided that these women would be required to pay Ksh. 1500 per head to attend the special love sermons. The women protested,considering that most of them are broke and single and ugly anyway. Outsmarted, Kanyari decided to throw in a catch ; Ok,fine… The sermon stays on, the charges have been scrapped but you will have to bring along a date who will then register as the church’s newest life member. Again,that flopped. Out of ideas, Bwana Kanyari, the love doctor, finally settled for something more accommodative ;

8. Lupita Nyongo 
Two years after breaking up with her Somali boyfriend K’Naan, and her faux relationship with Hollywood heartthrob Jared Leto,Lupita has kept her love life very private. She’s been linked to a host of other Hollywood men but still,she never confirms or denies the rumors. And now,reports reaching the Ghafla desk indicate that Lupita will be spending her Valentines Day at the Ritz-Carlton Hotel in Los Angeles with Nicholas Hoult,the 25-year old actor who starred as a fanatical warrior in 2015’s “Mad Max: Fury Road.” Nicholas and Lupita are said to have enjoyed a private getaway in Morocco late last year and, according to Media Takeout, the two friends have been enjoying something more than just friendship of late. Lupita is said to have booked reservation for two at the ritzy 5-star hotel and the dashing Nicholas is said to be her date. Nicholas,who lives around Los Angeles too,last week delivered flowers and Italian chocolates to Lupita’s address in what is starting to look like a serious relationship.

9. Nameless and Wahu
Kenya’s empirical Royal Couple has plans too… For a couple that has been together for close to twenty years now,Valentines means alot to them and even though every year they’ve chosen to celebrate the day differently,this year,Baba Tumiso will be surprising his lovely singing wife with a trip to Zanzibar. According to our sources ,the twosome have already left for the Swahili holiday resort and will be there for a whole week celebrating their love and marriage. The lovers, who last week spurred with prudish rapper Octopizzo over some Award,are said to be in full love mode even wearing matching black clothes for the trip to Zanzi. It’s gonna be a fun one, this one. We are sure. Sun, Sand,exotic Culture and Money. It doesn’t get any better.

10. Betty Kyalo /Dennis Okari 
Mrs. Okari is still fresh from being hitched. The two lovebirds,who did a stupendous wedding some few moths ago,stirring social media with their beautiful,loved-up photos of their luxurious honeymooning. And now,to celebrate their first Valentine’s Day since they commensurated their Union, Betty and Okari are said to have booked a plush Presidential Suite at the swanky Voyager Hotel at the Coast owned by Uhuru Kenyatta. The lovebirds, who share a beautiful daughter and an adorable marriage,will be using their time at the Coast to look back,assess their relationship,strengthen their love and just indulge with free abandon. Okari is said to have had black roses lined up at the Presidential Suites corridors, ordered to have champagne placed in the rooms,commissioned a special red dress for Betty for the day and organized to have her favorite chocolate to availed to her for the whole stay at the plush property. Love,rocks!

Happy Valentines Folks!