Shaffie gives you crazy but hilarious tips on how not to get bored while stuck in traffic in a matatu

I know you have been through one of those extremely slow traffic jams that seem not to open up any time soon, especially on traffic notorious roads like Ngong Road and Mombasa Road. Well, our very own fun loving, crazy radio presenter, Shaffie Weru just prepared a list of hilarious things you could to either maintain or completely lose your sanity or that of your fellow passengers, if stuck in traffic.

Here goes,

Next time you get stuck in jam, do the following to kill time especially if you are in a matatu.

1. Pick your nose and show your neighbor. Then, while giggling very excitedly, tell them “Its the biggest I have caught this week!”

2. Whistle “Mary had a little lamb!”. Repeat
twice while dramatizing.

3. Pretend you are about to puke on your neighbor, then when they duck, say “GOTCHA!”

4. Doze off. Sleep on your neighbor every few seconds. If they wake you up, apologize for fifteen minutes. Then repeat.

5. If there is music on the matatu, sing along but make sure you are really off-key! If anyone complains, start singing the national anthem.

6. Ask your neighbor when they had sex for the first time. Irrespective of the answer, say, “Acha Mushene!”

7. Pick your phone, say hallo, wait for a few minutes … then say a loud NOOOOO! Then, shake everyone’s hand while saying goodbye! Insist the caller was God and he says you will have an accident. Then alight.

8. Sleep for five minutes, wake up and say to your neighbor, “Mbwa wewe!” … then go back to sleep. Repeat every five minutes!

9. Sleep and make sex sounds… then … Come.

10. Start preaching, sing one praise song, say a closing prayer, then immediately after saying Amen, start singing those obscene one-man guitar songs!

This list was originally penned by Crazy Nairobian who blogs over at crazynairobian.com