SHAME: How A Section Of Kenyan Celebrities Attended A Luxurious Birthday Party…But Couldn’t Afford The Bills.

When You decide to throw a party,for whatever reason,you,the party-thrower, get to cater for drinks. And food. End of story. But well….It doesn’t always work like that. As You’re about to see…

Saturday night,local celebrities converged at the ritzy BEST WESTERN HOTEL in Hurlingham to celebrate the birthday party of prolific female DJ Pierra Makena.

Pierra,being the seismic DJ she is,had chosen the high-end,glitzy hotel as the preferred venue to throw her party as she celebrated the 30-something years or so she’s been in existence.

Good for her. Infact,Happy Birthday,Girl.

There was a mistake though; If You throw a party,and invite your friends over-especially celebrity friends-you are therefore REQUIRED by social law to cater for at least something. If not everything.

Especially if you throw the party at some luxurious,marble-walled,plush hotel ensconced in a rich neighborhood.

Makena invites her pals over at BEST WESTERN HOTEL,Hurlingham. But forgets to ask then to tag a drink along…as she would NOT be buying no drink for no freakin’ soul.

Her celebrity friends showed up. But were in for a rude,crude shock.

No drinks. In fact,No food either. Just the DJ and her smile. Waiting to be lavished and sang for….

Hours passed…and still,no one was passing drinks around. No sign of a bow-tie clad,clean-shaven waiter walking around with a blue tray full of champagnes and tots and cocktails and/or bitings.

Celebs were astounded. And one of them asked the good DJ…

“Yo,kwani there were NO drinks for the guests? Ama? We’ve been waiting for long bana….”

“Sorry…the guy responsible for drinks fell sick…and is now admitted in hosi. Aki sorry…there won’t be drinks in that case…the guy just got sick….bear with me….” the good DJ answered,unabashed.

Seriously!!? Isn’t that the lamest excuse ever cooked up!? You don’t even need brains to cook up something so thoroughly lame.

Some of the celebs in the house included….King wa Rap,Collo,Kristoff,Ciru Muriuki,Sarah Hassan,Bamboo,Buddah Blaze,Nimmo,Big Ted,Amani,singer Avril,The Late Saitoti’s son,former Tujuane host Yvonne Bulimo na kadhalika.

For his part,the King of Rap Collo,sources say,spent the entire night hopping from table to table taking photos and selfies and whatnot…He never settled down. Neither did he handle a single drink…Either he wouldn’t afford the highly-priced drinks or he just looooves photography too much.

Sarah Hassan,or Tanya,for most of you Tahidi High buffs,never handled a drink either. We know she makes serious money but we’re NOT sure why she wouldn’t buy herself a drink….after the good DJ had failed in her responsibilities. Sarah Hassan,the curvy sexpot, spent her night smoking on some shisha….all night…puff after puff after puff ….whiling her troubles into the air…circle after circle…

Bamboo,sources say,was the worst for wear….He only handled ONE drink all night. A single,simple TUSKER bottle. A Tusker @ BEST WESTERN HOTEL goes for roughly Ksh.500. Bamboo only did one drink…one freakin’ drinkkkk!!! Where is Victoria Kimani when you need her??!

Kristoff wouldn’t even be seen around….probably he had planned on spending all he had at the INGWE match at Nyayo Stadium the following day. Spent all his energy and cash and thus,he wasn’t allover the place….and wouldn’t be seen handling the Jamesons we thought he’s accustomed to. His table wasn’t even locatable. He played hide and seek all night…..Hiding from the bills and seeking salvation from Makena’s ruthlessness.

Big Ted,though,was the man of the night. He was allover the place….Quite literally! I mean,he’s like the size of 16 Pierra Makenas rolled into one. Big Ted’s table was buzzing…and teeming with all sorts of people. He was chafuaring the table like a typical mchafuzi in Kitale. I mean,he’s got the Government’s money. He was ballin’ hard. And living it up. Like the Jubilee operative he truly is…Hii pesa sio ya Babu yako banaaa…He seemed to be saying…

The late Saitoti’s son,too,was another baller. If a party host REFUSES to buy you drinks,you do the honorable thing; BUY YOURSELF DRINKS! And that’s exactly what Zachary Musengi did. He was buying ’em drinks…like a nonsense! Not sitting there counting his troubles….or wishing the good DJ wasn’t so mean. He actually arrived in a BMW X5 with a super sexy African rude gyal….Boy,you can’t top that …His hair,by the way,still remains uncut.

Yvonne Bulimo,sources say,wasn’t upto much. Probably she was waiting for the guy in the hospital to recover soon and bring the drinks over…trouble is,by morning,guy hadn’t recovered. And that means,Yvonne had nothing to enjoy the whole night besides her accent. Drinks,they art expensive…

Buddha Blaze,as I said,was there too…but sources say that the more shocking thing was that Huddah,oops,Buddha Blaze was there too. It was more shocking than the fact that he,too,almost spent the whole night dry. Drinkless….As he watched Pierra laugh and dance. To NO music.

Ciru Muriuki, did you really expect her to miss the party? Of course not. She was there in full swing with nothing but a pack of cigarettes; no money we presume. But one cancer stick after the other, she whisked the night away.

The party-despite the obvious absence of drinks-went on…the party host stayed on…clad in her tomboy TOM FORD apparel…the ‘sick’ guy in hospital responsible for the drinks,meanwhile,still stayed bedridden and the BEST WESTERN HOTEL incurred massive losses due to hosting a whole army of reputable local celebs that wouldn’t even changa thao moja moja and buy a mzinga.

Blame it on the ego. Or brokenness…or financial stinginess. Either way,last Saturday was a day full of shame…Pierra Makena takes the biggest blame…

Sweetheart,next time you throw a ‘party’ and are too broke or stingy to buy YOUR guests drinks and food,at least take them to a little less expensive party locations…places they can afford to sustain themselves all night. Without having to embarrass themselves. Or drain their ATMs.

Oh,and as for that “the guy responsible for drinks is in hospital” excuse,You can do better than that,Girl…I know You are a DJ but still,that excuse is dumb even by DJ standards…

Lakini let’s give credit where its undue…there was a cake. Infact,4 little cakes….all written “Happy Birthday Pierra”. And it seems the only thing that kept the guests going that night was the cakes…those 4 little colorful cakes…

God Bless the cakes!