Uncle Chim Tuna Presents Club Etiquette: Rules On Clubbing!

We all love clubbing! Everyone of us enjoys going out and chilling with your pals and catching some drinks as we socialize. Alternatively, some of us enjoy going out on the prowl. I salute this breed of night hunter! But whatever it is that you love about clubbing, some fools end up turning an otherwise lovely night into a messy affair.

We have met the type. maybe it’s the bouncer who got too frisky and touched your member like he is kneading dough or the lass that instigated a fight between you and her lad by chiding him about his masculinity. It could be the fool who got sloppy drunk and vomited on you. Whatever the case, Uncle Chim Tuna has the rules on etiquette that will ensure you enjoy your night out. Enjoy the read.

Urinal Etiquette

If a toilet has only 3 urinal slots, take the furthest away from the other lad. If he has taken the one in the middle, he either bats for the home team or he’s a selfish tool!
And for heavens sake, don’t try to carry a conversation at the urinals. Why would you want to talk to a man as he’s holding his member and you’re holding yours?
And if you shake it more than 3 times, you’re playing with yourself! Stop fapping in public!
Never make eye contact with anyone at the urinals. Bleurgh!

Sharing Tables
We have all faced this predicament: getting to a club and having no where to sit. If you see an empty table, don’t just plant yourself there. request permission to sit down.
Conversely, when someone asks to sit at your table, let them if the seats are empty. Or politely decline. Don’t wave your hand at them dismissively like some retarded seal attempting to do a one handed clap!
And if you do get to share the table, do not touch my drinks!

Spilling Drinks

Admittedly, mistakes happen. Sometimes we spill other people’s drinks when we didn’t mean to. Apologize and offer to replace the drink if it has all spilt.

Lipstick Lesbians

<uhm… NaxVegas anyone?>

As Kanye rapped, “Girls kissing girls/ cos it’s hot right?/ but they aint about that life! They aint about that life/ cos unless they using strap-ons then they not dykes!”
Just don’t! It was hot a minute ago with Katy Perry’s song but that is now just ratchet! Stop kissing each other then looking round to see whether people are watching! Bleurgh!

Dressing Appropriately

Lads, there is nothing cool about stepping out looking like you get your clothes from the local cowshed! That is why you rep for team fappers!
Ladies, find the balance between classy and crassy and observe it. But a rule of thumb is that the shorter isn’t always better.
And for heaven’s sake, dress your age! I’m over seeing 35 year old women trying to look 15! Bleurgh!

Personal Space
Observe it. Don’t touch me if I don’t know you. I am not your life partner! Gerrof me!
And stop creeping behind lasses who are dancing. That will earn you a server beat down!

Dancing and Mingling

Ladies if you didn’t want to come out to dance and mingle, stay at home. Nairobi ladies have this habit of getting dressed up, hitting a club then shutting down everyone who asks them to dance. Stay at home. When Uncle Chim Tuna asks you to dance, I have not proposed marriage!

Picking Fights
But alas! Just don’t. Don’t!

Getting Sloppy Drunk

If you get drunk, head home. that rule has always worked for me. If you don’t, you will end up instigating a fight and getting a foot rammed so far deep inside you that you will taste the other patron’s sole!

Asking For Drinks

A silly lass once asked me, “Drinks nazo?” I responded by sermoning the waiter and ordering for mine. He brought one. She got the hint. A lad buys you a drink not as an obligation but as a sign of appreciation for your company. You should never demand a drink! You ratchet girl!