What Your Drink Says About You At The Club As A Kenyan Man!

I have been to many a club and seen many a site. I have danced to many a DJ and drank many an elixir. I have however never tasted a single coctail in my life! But we’ll get to that later. There are certain drinks that should you choose to put to your lips either increase your public image or diminish it only stopping short of getting you banished. And here i’m talking to the lads. Lasses get a free pass on this one.

Read through and correct your errant ways! I am the raving Moses. He that descended Mt. Whiskey chased by nothing and no one. I gave you the 10 rave commandments. He that walked further than Johnnie.

Repent you drinking ways. Mend them or hand in your man-card at the end of this article. And again, i reiterate, this article is for men, lads, boys. Basically any male residing in Kenya. This article is about hairy chests, beards and crushing leprechauns and fairies and hunting down unicorns.

So let out one proper man-roar, unbutton your shirt, and bottle one of Elton John’s farts before you begin reading!

ROAR!

#5. Cocktails

Are you serious? I don’t care if you happen to be into men. The fact still remains that you are a man. You should choke on the silly celery sticking out of your drink. Then someone should save you. Then force you to inhale the bottled Elton John fart! Yes nephew, that’s why Uncle Chim Tuna asked everyone to bottle said fart.
No man should ever taste a cocktail! And if you have, your punishment must be severe! Shave half your beard! Do it now or hand in your man card!

#4. Cheap Liqour

<This is probably you after half a bottle of cheap liquor!>

You must have a death wish! Even after watching the Jicho Pevu bit about “Sisters of Death” and their ARV liquor, you still want to risk it?
And any lass willing to roll with you is ratchet! Bleurgh!
The only exception to this rule are college students. University is all about experimenting so they get a pass. I also had my time drinking the devil’s piss. Plus only college kids seem to have the livers required to breakdown cheap liquor.

#3. Foreign Beer

You must be a douche! I don’t care if you are from America, while in Kenya, drink what Kenyans drink! Have a local brew. Enjoy the wonders Kenya has to offer.

Repent of your errant ways and Uncle Chim will forgive you. Anything you have in that bottled of foreign beer, we have by the crate load!

The only exception to this rule is anyone trying to get laid by an expatriate who just landed in Kenya. Then, you have my blessings. Afterall, you are merely trying to get a taste of foreign cultures. Show your target just how hospitable Kenyans are.

#2. Beers

You are a lad after mine heart. Unpretentious and laidback and willing to enjoy the best of what Kenya has to offer be it Tusker or Pilsner. Unfortunately, as you move to salute me, your beer gut danced so distractingly that i missed what you were saying.

#1. Liquor

I don’t care if it’s vodka, whiskey or liquer. I don’t care whether it’s Jameson (not Jamieson) or Smirnoff or Napoleon Liquer. You sir are a man with taste and a touch of class.

Drinking these drinks tells the lasses around that you have more than enough means. It also tells them that you’re a reckless sod not afraid to wake up in a ditch. Women love adventure and danger so you should be good.

Read about the type of lasses found in Kenyan clubs here.

But at the end of the day, whatever your poison, drink responsibly! And never ever drink and drive. That is the epitome of stupidity.