Month: January 2015

Miss Mandi kicked off her career in the media industry as an intern on Homeboyz Radio but her chance came to shine when she landed a job at Hits FM.

A job she knew off after nick Mutuma recognized her natural flair for radio. As a radio presenter, Miss Mandi was able to pull the new radio station from a state of oblivion to becoming one of the most popular shows among the youth.

This was using her Morning After show. Recognizing here efforts, Kiss 100 came calling and she landed a job there but they fell out and she jumped ship to Capital F.M.

Now Miss Mandi is looking to take a dip in TV presentation .Miss Mandi shared this indicating here interest in Television:

Hey lovies! I would appreciate it if you could go KTN-E-curve page and let them know that I should be the host of E-curve. I would love to spread my wings and grow immensely this year and all that could be possible if you guys come through for me. Thank you in advance guys.

Others eying the same job include:

 

Aisha Wanjiku

Cece Sagini

and…Maya Hayakawa

 

American film makers are once “teasing” Kenya. Their action will utterly surprise you.

Hollywood is making a film about Eastleigh which will feature Oscar nominee and Captain Phillips star, Bakhad Abdi. (In case you watched Captain Phillips, Abdi was the leader of the Somali pirates).

 

Eye In the Sky (the movie about Eastleigh) is a thriller film which features a drone warfare in Nairobi; a drone is being used to target a group of terrorist who plan to carry out a suicide attack.

Generally, Kenyans ought to be happy Hollywood is releasing a movie about Eastleigh, right? Wrong! Actually Hollywood has snubbed Kenya and decided to shoot the film in South Africa.

So why create a movie about Kenya and go shoot it in South Africa? This is not even the first time Hollywood has done this. If you can recall a movie dubbed The Ghost And The Darkness (a fictionalized account about the two lions that attacked and killed workers at Tsavo during the building of the Kenya-Uganda Railway in 1898.), Hollywood shot it at Songimvelo Game Reserve in South Africa, rather than Kenya.

Anyway, the movie will hit the cinema screens soon (date not released). Sure I will be very interested to watch it.

 

The mischievous Eric Omondi went on to try something new that is not meant for him and the result, insanely hilarious.

Eric Omondi is one of the “A” rated comedians in the country (probably everybody knows that), but I guess there is one thing you didn’t know about him; his other job apart from comedy.

Yes, Eric has another side hustle and you won’t believe it. Eric is actually a mix master or simply a DJ. Think he can’t handle the spinning decks?

Yes, Eric can’t be a DJ. Seeing him mix will just make you laugh your lungs out. Picture this, most celebrities remove their shirts to show off their six packs. Eric removed his while spinning and guess what you get to see, ribs!

The way he was evening mixing just tells you he is a professional novice; check out the video below:

 Catch him at Sports Pesa Festival on 31st of January alongside Jalang’o together with other big artists in Kenya you know. Log in to: www.sportpesa.com/festival

Facebook: Sportpesa Festival

@sportpesafest

 

 

Yesterday I got home to a harrowing account of a Kiambu man who defiled, murdered in cold blood and stuffed  in a suitcase, the body of his  six year old daughter. 

The Killer, Evans Njau, hails from Ndumberi, a village few kilometrres from Kiambu He is said to have strangled the young child with a belt, defiled her, broke  her limbs with a blunt object and stuffed her remains in a suitcase. The macabre incident started when the wife of the killer, Rose Wangari, requested for 2,000 shilling to pay school fees for the child. The man made a promise to provide the said amount, he never did, he waited  until the mother was away from home. Alone at home with a hapless 6 year-old Evans proceeded  to carry out what has been termed as a pedophilia-motivated,irrational act, Shortly after this Evans  told his wife to go to their bedroom where he had kept 3 million shillings. Dumbfounded at what she thought was a joke, Rose Wangari, the ,mother of the murdered child made her way into their bedroom where she found a suitcase as she had been told, she tried to hoist it up but found the contents too heavy, she decided to call her friend to help in unveiling her “fortune”. Unbeknownst to her, the content of the suitcase would scar her life. 

The Murdered little girl, Neri

In the suitcase were  dirty clothes that had been stashed in a hurry, she dug into the suitcase and removed the clothes,at the bottom of the suitcase lay the body of her daughter sprawled in death, with a terror-stricken look on her face. The Mother fainted. When she came to, It hit her hard that Her little adorable Njeri was no more, she raised alarm and her neighbors came, that is when they found the broken body of the young girl stashed in a suitcase. 

This Kiambu incident comes barely months after a lawyer murdered his family and later committed suicide, It was a harrowing account that bordered on satanism and psychosis. The police have since launched an investigation to find out what exactly happened. 

The Culprit, Evans Njau. 

Today being Thursday, fun isn’t very far away and revelers knows this too well. The nation woke up to a terrifying news about 10 carjackers aboard a Mwiki bound matatu who robbed passengers of their valuables and even causing the bus to roll over along Thika road. So terrible! Anyway, check out the hottest stories we have for you this morning:

#1CABU GAH DIARIES: Huddah Monroe Has Broken The 10 Commandments. The 10 Golddigging Commandments Which Should Never Be Broken. Especially Number 7. Read And Learn.

#2Revealed: This Is What Killed Former Makueni Senator Mutula Kilonzo

#3Paul Kobia Finally Reveals What He Knows About Fidel Odinga’s Death

#4This Is Why Shiru(Ciru), The Ex-Wife To The Late Fidel Odinga, Is The Newest Talk In Town

#5Revealed: Wyre In Big Debt. This Is What He Owes Teacher Wanjiku

#6Mejja Introduces His Girlfriend To The World (Photos)

#7Huddah Monroe Exposes What Her Mama Gave Her In A Slow-Motion Dance. This Will Leave Someone Salivating!

#8Jicho Pevu’s Mohammed Ali Is Back. This Was The Rude Shock That Welcomed Him Back

#9Mourice Odumbe Set To Return To Glory After Young Millionaire Comes To His Rescue

#10The Nairobi Senator Photo-shopped Again! This Is Hilarious!

 

Ladies and Gentlemen, meet Zablon Osiemo, he was voted as the guy with the best abs this side of the Sahara, talking to him, he disclosed to me that fitness for him has a religious touch, he has had to cultivate discipline in order to contour his body in all the right places. He does not take alcohol or any drug whatsoever. He is the king of Aesthetics Kenya. Okay, aesthetics has to do with beauty( in terms of a well taken care of body) 

Here,Meet the King of Aesthetics Kenya.The brand ambassador Ultimate Sport Nutrition Kenya. 

Kenya’s king of investigative journalism is back to his work station. But even before he can settle down to start his work, a rude shock awaited him.

Mohammed Ali spent a better part of absence from the screen “hibernating” in the Portuguese speaking nation of Mozambique.

Immediately after pastor Kanyari exposé, Moha vanished from the screen only to surface later on social media posting photos of himself in Mozambique.

Moha is finally back at home but lots of things have since changed. While he was away, the controversial Security Bill was signed into law directly affecting investigative journalism.

Moha will no longer enjoy the “free” space he used to before he left. The new Security Law seeks to jail or fine journalists who are found guilty of undermining investigations or security operations through their broadcasts or publications.

The Law states any person who without authorization from the National Police Service, broadcasts any information which undermines investigations or security operations relating to terrorism commits an offense and is liable of conviction to a term of imprisonment not exceeding three years or a fine not exceeding five million shillings, or both.

The rules of the game have completely changed for Moha, he will need authorization from the same people he used to irons their dirty laundry in public to run his investigative pieces. That begs the question how the authority will give Moha the green light to expose them.

 

Since her Oscar win and landing a role in Star Wars and Americanah, Lupita is one of the most talked-about new talents in Hollywood.

It was no wonder that Golden Globe winner and dashing rapper Common wanted to chill with her after she arrived at the Golden Globes Award show.

Unlike Kenya Moore, Common had nice things to say about Lupita.He shared this photo with the caption “The beautiful and intelligent Lupita Nyongo“

 

He has had too much going on for him, Moses Kuria has prided in himself being self-righeteous, hate-spewing, attention-garnering Social media  demi-god. He has particularly made himself a mantra that he recites day on end, taking semi-illiterate jabs at certain people who do not practice circumcision. His statements, more often than not, spark an uproar and the court has even ordered him to offer a public apology. 

Now yesterday, before he even apologized, he put up a verse from Genesis 17:14 which records “Any uncircumcised male, who has not been circumcised in the flesh, will be cut off from his people; he has broken my covenant.” His attempt at biblical allusion was  not taken kindly.

A Lawyer and columnist at the Standard Newspaper, Wahome Thuku has come strongly to oppose the way Moses Kuria carries his trade. He questioned the literacy level of the member of parliament, went on to question his maturity and the motivation behind  his tribal one sided tweets… 

circumcision is not an achievement in life 

 

“If Moses Kuria was not schooled, I would never blame him. Because back in my village, I know many people (young and old) who still hold that circumcision (cutting of the foreskin to be precise) is every. They would rather be illiterate than be uncircumcised. Apparently, I see so many similar elements on this wall. I dont always delete their remarks, but the moment you use the name “kihii” to refer to anyone whom you differ on opinion, I question your IQ. When you reach out for the word “kihii” at the slightest provocation by someone you presume is uncircumcised, you leave me wondering whether you are not mentally a kihii yourself. You would think that low academic status and lack of other source of self esteem drives them to hold on to the only valuable thing they know – circumcision. I would expect Moses Kuria to be different. But he is not…”

Need I add More?

For the first time since the allegations of his involvement in having a hand in Fidel Odinga’s death, businessman Paul Kobia has finally talked about the matter that saw him pronounced mentally unstable and rushed to hospital.

The controversial businessman has denied allegations that he was overheard bragging how he was involved in the killing of Raila Odinga’s eldest son, The Standard has reported.

Ghafla Kenya reported that Pual Kobia brags how he killed Fidel Odinga and now the businessman has come out clear.

The Standard also reports that Paul Kobia is still in hospital, Chiromo Lane Medical Centre in Westlands in Nairobi, where he is receiving treatment.

Reports had gone viral that Kobia had been arrested at the Village Market after bragging to his friends how he had killed Fidel. However, acting Inspector General of Police Samwel Arachi denied the reports and said Kobia had been taken to the police station by his family who wanted him to be taken to hospital after developing mental problems.

Kobia has also denied that he did not brag of killing Fidel as the Odingas are his close friends and he used to spend nice times with the late Fidel. He also said he was never arrested as reported early on.

Kobia says he will give a detailed explanations immediately he leaves hospital.

Courtesy: Standard

We were informed today that Francis Atwoli had been admitted to the Nairobi hospital after a massive heart attack.

But people from Atwoli’s forte claim that this was untrue, saying that the misinformation originated from his political enemies. People like George Muchai who was suspended from COTU as deputy Secretary General.

His PA says that “Atwoli is in good health that’s why on his behalf as his aide I want publicly dispel the rumor. I have asked those who think the rumor is true to visit Nairobi hospital to confirm” adding that “Today morning he visited his farm in Kajiado and came back two hours ago. As we talk, he is in the office going on with his daily duties”

Nobody knew anything about Shiru, the alleged wife to the late Fidel Castro Odinga, son to former Prime Minister, Raila Odinga, until after the sad news befell this country.

This was the first time we heard of one Shiru (Ciru) and how her affair with the opposition leader’s son faired on until they separated.

During Fidel’s send off in Bondo, it is again alleged that the elder brother to Raila, Oburu Odinga, made remarks about Ciru, saying that she was playing around and never wanted to get a child with Fidel, remarks that did not go down well with some members of the public.

It is also alleged that among those who found Oburu’s remarks to be disrespectful is Nairobi County Women Representative Rachel Shebesh. Word has been going round social media that Shebesh got enraged by what Oburu said and that she is planning a demo over the same.

This has prompted a debate on social media over the same.

Among those involved in the heated debate is businesswoman Esther Passaris and Dikembe Disembe who have shared divergent views over the same.

This is what the social media bigwigs are saying:

 

I did not know much about this guy until a friend of mine mentioned to me, then I did a background check like a good Journalist and I was definitely ensnared. He reminded me so much of Ngugi Wa Thiong’o in his quest of Decolonizing Africa. His dream of seeing Africa freed from the shackles of colonialism, his dream of Africa as a sovereign state. I was  Touched by his own little way of changing and acting in part as a patriot. Heroes may not be celebrated at home, but here is a guy worth Celebrating. He calls himself Hustla Jay. He is a rapper from the coast. 

God! I love this jam:Continental Scars. 

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Now, over the past week the artist has been mired in controversy after word got out that he was dating an Italian girlfriend. Everyone A week after, the artist has issued a statement on his social media, he tells critics to keep off his lane as he has made up his mind to marry His Italian Girl. He is not perturbed by what people think about him ,he has even introduced his girl to his parents and plans to take the relationship to the next level.

One thing is however still unclear, why would he, who is so against imperialism go on to marry a white woman? What message does he pass to his followers (like me) who had come to view him as the voice of the voiceless?

 

Kenya Moore and Lupita were both invited to NBC Universal’s Golden Globes after party.

But what promised to be a night of networking and partying turned out badly for Kenya Moore a fan of Lupita and a reality TV star after Lupita Allegedly refused to take a photo with her.

Not one to keep quiet about the snub, Kenya took to Twitter to snatch Lupita’s brand new Afro

This is what she posted on  Twitter :

@ThatMattSiegel lots of people who were so cool @taylorswift13 was so sweet but @Lupita_Nyongo refused 2 take pics After 2 movies #girlbye

And a Twitter user shocked by the anti-Lupita comment posted this:

KTN is looking to add fresh blood into their expansive newsroom through a show which saw them land Edith Kimani in its first season six years ago.

The Presenter show seeks to recruit the best individual fit for TV and other journalistic activities that the TV station will allocate to the lucky candidate.

In its second season, KTN advertised for applications to be made by those willing to try their luck in the new job in town.

Normally, applications are meant to cut the number of people who would want to join the station because it is always believed the number is large.

However, the number that turned out for the auditions was larger than the multitude that Jesus fed with two fish and five loaves many years ago.

Photos that SDE has shared in its instagram account show the crowd gathered at Mombasa Road, ready to land a new job.

Surprisingly and perhaps unfortunately, only one individual is required for the job.

Here are some photos from Mombasa Road:

Last week and this week have been littered with stories of one of the best Kenyan cricket players whose life took a u-turn downwards, coming crumbling down like a meteorite loosened by the forces of nature from its area of attachment up in the skies.

Odumbe was on the rise in sport and socially until he met one mzungu woman whom he dearly loved and married, not knowing it was a Delilah in disguise, who would later overhaul his achievements.

Well that said and done, Jeff Koinange portrayed the life of Odumbe who has been living as a beggar in the streets after the wealth he had accumulated vanished following that very infamous 5-year ban from cricket over what was alleged to be match-fixing with a wealthy Indian man.

It was after the JKL show that Kenyans came into terms with the reality that Mourice’s life was devastating and this explains why young millionaire Heshan De Silva has offered to rescue the disgraced former cricketer.

Heshan revealed through his social media account that he was willing to give Mourice a lifeline by offering what he can to change his life, again.

Courtesy: Nairobi Times

 

Kenya’s most fervent and animated trade unionist Francis Atwoli of the Central Organization of Trade Unions (COTU) has been hospitalized.

According to Kahawa Tungu,  Atwoli was  admitted to the Nairobi Hospital St Francis ward after a massive stroke.
He has been in the ward since Sunday after her was rushed there but now he is out of danger and recovering.

.

Atwoli is a long serving trade unionist who is the current secretary general of COTU after he was elected to the board in 2002.This comes after working for the Agriculture and Plantation Workers Union in Kenya.

From a distance it may seem that they are compatible musically, being that one of them specializes in Genge another in Afro Beats but just like Margaritas & Strawberries they are great together.

According to Mseto East Africa, Eric Wainaina and one third of the P-Unit crew Frasha have a new collaboration coming up .The new song titled Disco will be dropping today on Radio Citizen’s Mambo Mseto Show.

Better tune in, I know I will

 

Almost two years ago, the country woke up to very disturbing news that Makueni Senator Mutula Kilonzo was dead.

At first, it sounded like the usual pranks Kenyans are used to drawing on each other but as hours passed by, it was confirmed that indeed Mutula Kilonzo was gone, for good.

Just like the late Fidel Castro Odinga, the celebrated lwyer was found lying dead in his Maanzoni home one morning after he had drove there to spend the night away from the busy capital, Nairobi.

Questions flew into air over what led to Mutula’s sudden demise, with pressure piling on the then young Jubilee government to conduct extensive investigations into what led to his dead.

An autopsy was conducted by the government pathologist on the remains of the late senator. Results were negative.

His family sent samples to England for further toxicological examinations. Two years down the line, fresh allegations have been made by Mutula’s family that the samples were tampered with by unknown people to conceal the truth behind Mutula’s demise.

His son Mutula Kilonzo Junior, who inherited his father as the Makueni Senator, has already recorded a statement with the CID over the same and he believes someone tampered with the samples to conceal the evidence.

This is what Mutula thinks happened to his father and the samples:

 

Njoki Chege for the last year had people “catching mafeelings” over her unrepentant bald-faced disdain for men who drive blue Subaru Imprezzas, live in middle-class regions and use Instagram.

I remember Njoki chege did not launch her bashing-career by clobbering men’s egos, what made her famous was her saying that fat and laziness was to blame for a cheating husband. I remember lot of guys especially in our office applauding her for speaking the truth, calling her best BLOGGER EVER but when the tables were turned, many of them got salty calling the same woman they had exalted “bitter” and saying that she would die alone with her cats. According to them, for this condescending comments and her ‘picky nature’, Njoki would die unmarried….

But what most people do not understand is that Njoki is all about the hits and now a writer who calls himself Mzungu Mkenya who claims he is an expert of all things Kenyan could knock off her mantle.

Why? Because of his extremely skewed perception of Kenyans. Here is an excerpt of the article trending on Twitter which you can view here:

“The greed and distinct animal behavior that is deeply embedded in the spirit of Kenyans is not a new thing because it’s been in play since pre independence. It’s in every individual but the devils of the great republic of Kenya are none other than Kikuyus.”

Grape vine has been doing around social media that celebrated sports commentator and veteran radio personality Peter Kirumba is dead.

Peter Kirumba has been off air for a while and it seems some of his fans have found reasons to peddle unnecessary rumours that have sent jitters down spines of fans of the celebrated radio personality.

This is why his fellow sports commentators George Waka and Joseph Marwa have come out strongly to refute claims that Kirumba is dead.

Through a facebook football page run by Kirumba, a fan posted a message that read, “RIP daddy p”, a message that was taken to mean that Kirumba is no more.

Peter Kirumba is a sports commentator with Milele FM after leaving Radio Jambo a few years ago.

Many of his fans sought to know what exactly was going on and this perhaps explains why George Waka has come out to clear the air.

Waka said, “ Peter Kirumba ni Mzima na hana hata homa alipo………………….”

Another media personality added, “Kirumba yuko mzima…mnayoyasikia ni upuzi….”.

Fans who learnt of the lie were outraged and had this to say:

“karibu nishangaye coz ni juzi alikuwa roadshow maeneo ya western”

“asante Marwa kwa kutuweka wazi”

“Mbona akasema hivo, achukuliwe hatua mwe ameeneza ufumi”

“Mbona watu kuanza mwaka na upuzi wa aina hii? Hili ni pepo la kishenzi sana sana upuzi mtupu na upumbavu”

“Huyu jamaa inafaa achukuliwe hatua za kisheria”

“huyu wazimu ametushtua asubuhi hii anafaa kufunguliwa mashtaka aky”

 

 

Last year, all the resident provocateurs came out to play. We got to watch unbelievably ratchet videos, steamy videos that left us thoroughly and absolutely titillated and those videos that were completely revolting that we had to rinse out our eyes with holy water.

Sauti Sol and Sanaipei Tande brought the risque with ‘Nishike’ and ‘Mfalme Wa Mapenzi ‘respectively, while Blaqy brought the cellulite in a video that would make Samson want to remain blind.

And there was Panadol Wabbasaja, the girl who had her parents reaching out for a copious amount of Panadols to deal with the vulgar display of her love pocket.

 

But out of all these provocative videos none has managed to garner as many hits as Nishike by Sauti sol who hit the 1 Million Mark and got past it with 1,002,847 hits.Keep in mind, this video was banned from being played on Kenyan TV Stations.

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Huddah Monroe,the blithe Kenyan,eer,socialite has had a rough weekend courtesy of some very unsavoury revelations her former Pay-As-You-Go Lover made on Instagram. In a vain attempt to embarrass and shut him up,Queen Huddah found herself in a rather tight corner after some very unpalatable secrets of her and her clandestine shenanigans were publicized by the irked boyfriend. Photos in tow. Ouch.

Everyone knows Huddah Monroe… Ok,everyone who cares about whatever Huddah Monroe represents knows Huddah Monroe.

And they also know that Huddah is not one to take a fight lying down. Especially a juicy social media fight…she goes all in,hammer and tongs,ready to shred,smudge and rip apart the jugular.

They also know that,well,Huddah does NOT have what can exactly be called a job. And thus,is susceptible to do anything that promises her some cash in return. And, well,going by her very dubious track record,anything can really mean ANYTHING.

Last weekend was a HOT ONE. This was after some very salacious revelations were made about Huddah by King Lawrence,her friend-turned-foe and also one very filthy rich Ugandan tattletale.

According to King Lawrence,a man who has had the bravado to announce that he’s bedded sassy Ugandan socialite,Zari,too,Huddah is a,eer,how do I say this politely?? Ummm,Ok,I gotta say it,a Wh*re. And a very expensive one at that. Who,still according to King Lawrence,prefers to be paid in hard dollars after trading her very nubile body. Toot toot.

And to back up his scurrilous claims,King Lawrence even went ahead and published photos of himself and Huddah in some very very compromising situations…Huddah looking all stoned and satisfied and elated.

He went further and revealed that he had bedded Huddah. And paid her handsomely for the coochie.

He also claimed that,with the right amount of money, you,too,could bed Huddah. Faster than Uhuru signing a Security Law.

Huddah was embarrassed. Good and proper. Glad she hasn’t committed suicide yet. We hope she’s NOT planning on it,though.

Now Now Now…Don’t forget that this Lawrence knave is the same fellow that had earlier published screenshots of his conversation with Uganda’s Diva and Diamond’s girlfriend Zari…claiming she was a cheap broke ass and backing up his claims by showing messages that Zari had been sending to him frantically borrowing him money.

Poor Zari. Poor Huddah.

Is it a crime to,ummm,get paid for some good time You gave some rich guy?? Eeerrr,I think NOT.

But are You ready to be embarrassed and humiliated and enchagrined when Your dirty,concupiscent lifestyle is finally published on the internet by some bitter Ex Boyfriend?? Absolutely NOT.

So….Socialites take note. And Women who sleep with RICH blokes for money…

HERE ARE THE 10 GOLDDIGGING COMMANDMENTS THAT YOU NEED TO FOLLOW BEFORE FINDING YOUR DIRTY BUSINESS ALLOVER THE MEDIA. LIKE HUDDAH DID.

1. NO PHOTOS.
If You are planning to sleep, and ONLY sleep with that rich guy for that bundle of cold dollars,Well,DO NOT agree to take photos with him. Kataa kabisa. Doesn’t matter what good a camera he has,how ravishing he is,how drunk You are or how photogenic You think You are. If you’re with this fat thing only for his wallet,SAY NO to photos.

2. HE MUST NOT BE ON SOCIAL MEDIA.
If You have to sleep with that rich fella just for the cash,I assure You there are a billion rich fellas You can get who are NOT on Social Media. He must be some really clueless fellow. Who doesn’t know what Facebook is…What Twitter is…Who Instagram is…Or even who founded Whatsaap. Found a guy whose not on Social Media?? Great!!! Milk him dry!

3. HE MUST BE A GENTLEMAN.
Yes,not some temperamental thug who,the moment You guys fall apart,will be allover the place publicizing Your dirty past with him. A gentleman would NEVER do that. He’ll sleep with You,take You on trips,buy You stuff,pay You and shut up about it. Perfect guy.

4.NO EXCHANGE OF NUDES.
Never send him Your nudes. Neither should You encourage him to send You his. Stay clothed. All the time. He’s NOT Your hubby. He’s some guy You’re sleeping with for money. Let’s be honest here.

5. EXCHANGE OF MONEY MUST BE FACE-TO-FACE.
Forget MPESA Baby Girl. Or MoneyGram. Or Western Union or whatever other money-exchange medium we have. If he has to pay for that cookie,let him pay You face-to-face. Mbesha vari vari…as the Kikuyu are known to say. No electronic payments. No. Just face-to-face cash payments. Hand to hand. You must NEVER leave a trace of Your money-exchange with him. Never! No receipts. Nothing!

6. NO SELFIES…
Selfies are the more satanic version of photos. And even though I have already said NO PHOTOS,I have to also remind You NO SELFIES. Especially the after-sex bedroom selfies that drunk sexmates are so fond of taking. Smiling like freezing sheep and grinning like old goats. You must NEVER take a selfie with him. Never! Just do Your thing,get up,dress up,pick Your bahasha and leave. James Bond style.

7. NEVER ARGUE WITH HIM ON SOCIAL MEDIA.
Let’s say You broke commandment number 2 and nabbed Yourself some guy who is not only active on social media but also VERY active,always remember that he could bring You down if he wants. Anytime. So,whenever You are sick of him or pissed by him or whatever,You MUST NEVER take that war to Social Media. Because,trust Me little horny rat,He will win the war. And embarrass You. Never argue with him. Or respond. Or accept,deny or try to explain Yourself on Social Media. Truth is; You’re the harlot here. You will never win this thing. Just shut up and log out. He’ll do the same.

8. NO SEX TAPE.
For obvious reasons. In fact,No electronic device in the room before,during and after the hanky-panky.

9. DON’T BEFRIEND HIM.
Always remember that this guy is by no means Your friend. He’s Your business partner. So NO Friendship! STRICTLY. Just show up,transact business,get up,freshen up,dress up,pick Your mshahara mnono and ,without even saying goodbye,walk away. Julia Robert style. Never let him know You too well,know Your people,Your business or Your plans. Be a Bitch about it. Earn Your dollars and vamoose!

10. NO CATCHING FEELINGS.
Women are an interesting lot. And falling in love,to them,is pretty easy and fast. So,in this case,Never allow Yourself to fall in love with him. Never ever! No matter how sweet or charming or adorable or genuinely caring he is,Remember You are the COMMODITY and He is the CLIENT. Never fall for him. Or catch feelings. He’ll leave. And leave You heartbroken. And missing him. And wanting him more and more. Which,we all know,is how You will either end up in Jail with a broken jaw. Or hospital with a black eye. Yes,because You forgot he had a wife. Who would kill for him. Don’t fall in love with him. Please. It’s dangerous.

Well,those are the very simple,very few rules that Huddah Monroe broke. And ended up thoroughly shamed and embarrassed and exposed.

Dear budding golddigger,follow these commandments and thou shalt have a fruitful 2015. And NO ONE will ever know about it. Ever!

Pesh,can You hear Me??!