Recently, Classic 105 presenter, Larry Asego and his colleagues travelled down to the Coast for holiday and while there they ran out of cash! With no other option, Larry boldly approached his boss to solicit for extra cash.
Here’s what happened;
Dear boss, And holiday i.e Holiday nayo.
Please our money has ended. We are eating happiness here in pwani, not as in of noses, but as in of the coast at akina Fatuma’s digz. Not digz as in they are farming, but as in home. Pwani is a place where taarab women insult you musically and you enjoy it. Anyway we were eating fun here and punde si punde i.e suddenly suddenly like this, our money ended. Not as in it had started but as in it just vanished. There are wajini here in pwani. wajini are black cats that turn into women then take your money and run away. Kinda like carnivorous thieves.
Anyway tell Njoro the accountant to stop of bogus and mpesa us ma hela. Hela is a swahili word for dough. But not like mahamri but as in of cash. Mahamri is plural for hamri which is an order. So mahamri are orders but ones you can eat, it’s complicated. We are devising a return to work formular, la sivyo sisi tusiji kazini kakangu. Heheheheee, kakanzu as in of my brother, but not as in of same mother. Not saying that your mother had different husbands, but as in of my brother of the world. It’s complicated, and sound better in swahili. Johnny aka Baba Yao has found a new name here at the coast, they call him Makame wa Makame heheheheee like in that book Kisima cha Giningi. By the way we have looked for that Kisima it doesnt exist, so send us money to cover to our research. Kama has found a ka new kipusa hihihihiiii Kipusa is a swahili word for mshikaji, as in of Holdings. But not as in of stock market, but a ka chile you grab grab, but not as in of violently, it’s also complicated. She is called Hadija.
People here in Pwani speak interestingly, and they hate us guys from the Bara. Bara is like a single lane, double lane is barabara. So they are holding us hostage till we pay them money, so please mpesa us ransom money, we will not come to work till you do. Don’t go to the police, watatumaliza hawa wahuni. Maliza as in of finish, but not those ones of like food, but as in end us. Wahunis we don’t even know what those are but we had some with kaimatis yesterday. They are good hostage takers, they feed us and give us abit of internet. Anyway Vomiting Joyce, aka Vomz aka Vomito was kicked out of the hostage place, they didn’t know what to do about her vomzing. She started having morning sickness at midnight when the hostagers were alseep. So she is just outside the door waiting for you to send mpesa she pays for our freedom. Please boss, you are the illest, but these guys are mambo biadest. Mambo biadest is a kangemi word for the illest but negatively. Kangemi is a place with a fly over that nobody uses and where they destroyed schools to build butcheries.
Please send money soon, we have to go to the beach to look at wazunyes in tu small small clothes and have madafu, khikhikhikhiiaaaa. The hostagers take us out for walks at times, in handcuffs but of sisal. It’s complicated. Wazunyes are like your relatives from abroad. And madafu is like busaa that grows on trees. Yaani pint grows on trees dear boss. It’s paradise i tell you. Well, except for the hostage takers, so we are not enjoying. Cheers my guy. Let us go a stare at a gudu one. khikhikhikhiiii Not cheers are in we are drinking, but they are drugging us with madafus. They are forcing it down our throats. Send cash as in like leo before 7pm, mpesas close mapema huku. And Johnny aka Makame wa Makame aka Makash wa Makash says you say hi to your wife and tell her we are ok and she should not worry about us. She is a gudu wan, that’s a Punit word that means…..khekhekhekhekheee she’s a good one. You guy.
Send money usijisahaulishe, as in dont forget your self ness in sending.
And the drama continues…
