Phew! The wait,as Rihanna would say,is over. TV is back. The 3 ugly sisters,as Larry Madowo,a subject in this article actually,baptized them,are back. Yes,the 3 dinosaurs are now ready to rumble again… And ready to rock you. Or bore you. Depends on what TV staple you consume.
The stations were switched off on February 14th. Yes,on Valentines Day,no less. Trust the Government to surprise You proper on Valentines Day. Now Now,after weeks of consternation, deliberations,endless boardroom meetings and social media jubilation,the giants have resolved to re-enter the airwaves.
And,obviously,there are a bunch of Kenyan TV faces that we,whether we admit it or not,missed. Yes,even in our social media chest-thumping and feigned disinterest, we missed these faces. Big.
Well,let’s cut to the chase, right? Right. Here’s the list. Read and pretend you didn’t miss them…

1. Larry Madowo
He’s so hard NOT to miss. Even though social media tends to love to hate him,or hate to love him,Larry’s one of Kenya’s most ubiquitous TV faces…He’s loud,boisterous, allover the place,ingenious, bold,cheeky and captivating. Exactly what television needs. He was missed. Sorely. Glad he’s back…time to hate on him now.

2. Julie Gichuru
She’s super intelligent, super gracious,super comely,super fashionable,super endearing nd super smart. And her television hosting skills? Unrivalled. Her Sunday Live show on Citizen TV was one of the MOST watched News Bulletins before the channels were abruptly slammed shut. Kenyans have grown to love her…adore her. And want to be her. She was missed. Oh! No doubt.

3. Shaniqua
She had become Kenyan TV latest sensation….An ‘actress’ on the wildly popular “Jameni” show on KTN,that airs every Thursday,Shaniqua’s antics,mannerisms, street jargons and abrupt comedic outbursts on her hapless victims had started swaying Kenyans. Big. Millions watched the show every Thursday….to not only see what new political/social skits were on,but,most importantly, watch what madness Shaniqua was now upto. She’s a darling. To many. Boy,was she missed! Welcome Back Kenya’s Madea.

4. Janet Mbugua
She’s my very good friend. And she’s also very very sexy! Her Monday Special show,just like Gichuru’s Sunday Live,was also one of the MOST WATCHED Citizen TV news bulletins. And the results would reflect on Twitter every time the show was on. Why was Janet missed? Well,largely because she’s a sex symbol. To millions of thirsty Kenyan men. But,seriously,because she’s a truly gracious TV host. And her beauty adds so much color to so many a Kenyan home. Man,the symbol is Back! Yeeaaaaay!

5. Raila Odinga
Not exactly a TV presenter himself,or actor,Raila was largely missed because Kenyans love politics. They loooooove politics. And,let’s face it,No Kenyan politician has the ability to sway and entertain and grasp Kenyan audiences better than the Enigma Himself,Agwambo. He’s a charmer. And the reason Kenyan newspapers sell. Also the reason we watch news. There,I said it! Kill me now!

6. Jeff Koinange
He’s the Ultimate TV star. No,actually,rockstar. He’s revolutionized television interviews. Not forgetting that this is the same guy who dramatically tossed an iPad,Yes, a freakin’ iPad,into a pool during a LIVE show! He’s also the same guy who,for effective melodramatic effect,brings along a fire extinguisher for his very animated episodes of JKL. Boy,it’s so easy to miss Jeff Koinange. So damn easy.

7. Lilian Muli
3 reasons why we missed her….she’s single,she’s got a curvaceous body and she’s a tabloid staple. She’s the girlfriend we all wish we were dating. And also the Bad Girl we all wish we were banging. Truth be told.

8. Njugush
He’s that little skinny clown that cracks us up on that KTN show,REAL HOUSEWIVES OF KAWANGWARE. And also on Hapa Kule. He’s sensational, wildly funny, amiable and so damn relatable. He plays puns on himself. And endears so many with his very effortless comedic adeptness. Boy can entertain. He’s the reason we watch those shows. Let’s be honest. Was he missed? Oh,very!

9. Mohammed Ali
‘Moha’ as he is affectionately called by his legions of diehards is not exactly your daily TV face. He can disappear for months. And months. But still,even though we don’t see him on a daily basis,like Madowo,for instance,we still miss him. So damn much. His earth-shattering Jicho Pevu segments are a real entertainment in themselves. And we talk about them for months on end. We missed this skinny,bold kid. Badly..

10.Victoria Rubadiri
I have a feeling she was missed. I didn’t miss her though. I wouldn’t miss her even if she disappeared for a billion years,but I have a feeling she was missed. Somehow. Why? I don’t know. Let’s just say,they missed her for lack of someone better to miss…..No shade.
BONUS:

11. Newsmakers…..
Alongside the aforementioned faces,Kenyans missed the regular,unscripted Newsmakers who would pop up our screens every News time. Yes,those weirdos who would make starring appearances on parody shows like Bulls Eye,Heka Heka and Truth Meter. Kenyan missed these regular drunks acting silly in Kiambu…We missed these newsmaking Politicians and all their stupid political gimmicks and anecdotes. We missed the likes of “Jose The Witnesser” who would make us laugh to death with their very hilarious account of eye witness news…We missed these sporadic,abrupt jokers and comedians who we would turn into memes and internet trolls overnight. We missed the madness….The thrill of Kenyan TV. We missed the laughter…Of these cluless comics.
The list has ended. That was fast,right? I know.
You can elongate it by inserting the names of the personalities you ACTUALLY missed. Assuming my whole list is false.
Welcome Back,Ugly Sisters…..
