Every Country has it’s laws. But not all laws are made to be obeyed,not all people are created to follow the law and not all things must be solved via the law.
Some people just want to take matters into their own hands… Some people just want to bend a few rules and vent out,some people just won’t wait for the good old Mother Justice to come along.
Some people love to gang up and square things out – violently.
And even here,in this good land we inhabit,we have sections of people you seriously don’t want to mess with.
They prefer to have things done their way or they’ll cook up a shitstorm.
They prefer to have the little rights they still enjoy respected or things won’t go down very well.
Annoy them at your own risk. Deny them their rights at your own peril. Incite them at your own loss.
When they’ve had enough,when they’ve been some and tired of what’s eating them,these humans become feral dogs that will attack indiscriminately and vent out on pretty much anything – or anyone.
Nothing can stand in their way the moment they’ve had a bad day. Not the police,not the local administrator,not the public,nobody.
All they do is gang up,make a quick plan of vengeance,strategize,pick out a leader (rarely) and the descend into lawlessness and savagery.
Five Groups of People In Kenya You Seriously Do NOT WANT TO MESS WITH
1. Football Fans
Football fans all around the World are generally violent,quasi-fascist ruffians who will bulldoze their way in and around the pitch for whichever stupid reason. Recently,the World was horrified by the atrocities committed by Russian football fans against the less aggressive English fans during the turbulent Euro games across Europe. Russian soccer fans are mostly macho,ruthless thugs who will quash anything in their way and roar themselves into a victory. But they ain’t nothing compared to our local football fans mostly from the Gor Mahia faction. It’s usually said and repeated that Gor Mahia fans will cause massive havoc across the street whether they win OR not. It doesn’t ever matter. For them,a football match is always an opportunity for them to be savage and brutal,vandalizing and brutalizing everything and everyone on their way. The Nairobi City streets have suffered enough carnage under the ruthlessness of local football fans. AFC Leopards are not any better anyway. Dare steal a match,or trip their player or make errors on the pitch and you’ll face the music. Try being an incompetent,selective referee and you’ll live to tell the story. For our football fans,everything must run according to their wishes and plans and any little mishap could lead to a disastrous, violent riot t that will certainly cripple the city. And they’re never afraid of trouble. Don’t ever mess with these ruffians. Ever.
2. Raila Supporters
Oh, please. As if you didn’t know that already. You can do anything,try anything,say anything and wish anything but just never take the name of Baba in vain. Living in Kenya has its town risks – unemployment,flash flooding,terrorism,insecurity,extra-judicial killings – but there’s something even more riskier than anything in Kenya – making Baba angry. Baba is worshiped around here. He doesn’t have followers, he has adherents. He has diehards who swear by his name,loyalists who have turned his ODM PARTY into a shrine. Don’t ever mess with their Party Leader. Don’t ever steal his elections. Don’t ever arrest him – or even think about it – and don’t ever hit the streets trying to malign Baba’s name. To his supporters,He’s a god. And deserves to be viewed as one. Always. In the past,we’ve seen how dangerous insulting Raila Odinga can be. We’ve seen his supporters burn effigies and set fire to entire buildings over Baba. We’ve witnessed his supporters block off major roads,yank off railway lines,descend on supermarkets and even terrorize the police all in the name of Baba. They don’t play. They mean business. It will be better to keep the name of Baba out of your mouth. Or you’ll find out the hard way. Ask Miguna Miguna. Don’t mess with Raila Supporters.
3. High School Students
It’s been in the news for the last two months or so. In fact,it has gotten so bad the tyrannical Education CS might seriously lose his job. Well,it’s happening. And it’s here. School fires everyone! Every single night,for the past one month,at least one high school goes up in flames. And no,it’s not because of a faulty spark in the power lines. And definitely not the work of intruders and local villagers. The school kids are setting up their own schools on fire. By themselves. From Kisii to Nakuru to Embu to Kiambu to Meru to Busia,all schools are going up in flames. It’s like we are raising arsonists. In fact,some three girls from a high school in Nakuru are in Court for razing down their school. Whatever you do,ladies and gentlemen, don’t ever deny these little rascals their rights. They will burn a whole school for the flimsiest of reasons. Try denying them meat or entertainment and they’ll burn down your office. Try asking them to go for preps or to take a cold shower and they’ll come for the administration block. Try denying them a trip to the neighboring school or setting up a random exam and they’ll reduce the Ksh. 5.6 million-worth school bus to ashes. These rats have become feral. And terribly dangerous. It’s either their way or the matchbox.
4. Boda Boda Riders
Aha! Another section of Kenyans that have become a law unto themselves. They’re actually the most feared and terrifying group of Kenyans. Their horror cannot even be matched by all of the horrors of the above three groups combined. Boda Boda riders are the real horror. Whatever you do,there are rules that govern the Boda Boda community – One,never hit one of them and attempt to run. Two,never attempt to hijack any of their members. Three,ever kill any other their members and dump his body in a thicket. Four,never attempt to rob any of their members. Five,never ever try to refuse to pay a Boda Boda rider for his services and six,never try breaking the law around an area infested with these members. Boda Boda riders are like vultures. It takes less than three minutes to have all of them, from the whole Constituency,gather at the scene of crime. I don’t know how they do it. But they have fantastic lobbying methods. Mess with any other their member and you’ll be surrounded by over 100 bikes. Hooting bikes. Mounted by bloodthirsty riders. You’ll be lucky to come out alive. They’re known to burn down matatus and storm police stations and lynch their enemies in broad daylight. They are the single most dangerous individuals you could ever come across.
5. Kenyans on Twitter
Hmmmm. Not a lot of yu are scared of these ones. I mean,they don’t even have actual armoury. Just a keypad and a little knowledge of grammar and witty punchlines. But still,they’re not to be messed with. But unlike their counterparts,Kenyans on Twitter don’t necessarily need to wage a physical bloody war running into millions of shillings worth of losses. Their war is waged online. And if there’s something history has taught us,is that you cannot win a war with these Keyboard warriors. They’ve taken on countries and global news media giants. They’ve taken on Presidents and world icons. Kenyans on Twitter are a thoroughly dangerous lot. They’ll maul you in a way you’ve not seen before. And hang you out to dry. From #SomeoneTellCnn to #SomeoneTellNigeria, Kenyans on Twitter have already won the online fight. Never anger them. Just never. You might have to delete your account. And move to a tiny,forgotten Caribbean Island.
And as Nyashinsky would say,Now You Know.
Stay safe.
