The ‘Sponsor’ phenomenon has made it’s mark and it’s become undeniable.
It’s now a part of life,an acceptable demon and a reality we can’t run away from.
College girls are hooking up with sponsors left right and centre. Even college dropouts,who found better callings than slaving in a Business Management class for three years,have decided to let down their inhibitions and let richer,much older men take control of their lives.
Of late,it’s all about the Benjamins. And if you can pay her house rent (in a cosy neighborhood), afford her crazy Uber expenses,take her to the ritziest and glossiest joints in town,drown her in Moet Chandons and other champagnes,you can have her. All for yourself. One shot at a time.
Prostitution has gone hi-tech and today,all you need to do is slide in the DM,declare your worth,produce your networth,blather on and on and you’ve netted yourself the sexiest little damsel in College.
You could be the crappiest piece of garbage in bed,you could have a belly the size of a small tank,you could look like a Malaysian drug addict… But if you’ve got the right amount of money,right kind of car,right extent of generosity,you’re good to go.
And you can bag any girl you want. Long as she’ll never have to struggle ever again…
Unfortunately,aged white men,who love whiling time away at swanky Karen Gardens,smoking on a cigar and watching their old lives ebb away,can’t perform in bed as good as that chunky campus dude quite can.
I mean,he’s 86. Old. Decaying. And probably suffering from dementia.
He’s a grandfather,weakly,oft-tired and (waaay) past his prime.
But he’s also staggeringly wealthy. And can afford to finance your lifestyle for the next decade.
And that’s where the problem comes in.
Nothing comes for free. And for every house rent,every Jimmy Choo shoe,every night out at Kiza Lounge,sex must follow thereafter… Which is what really sucks for college girls who have to sleep with these old geezers in exchange for money.
And according to them,Here Are 10 Disgusting Things That Old Wazungu Men Do In Bed
1. Forget And Sleep
Unlike a vivacious 26-year old who will be roaring his lungs away in bed,hitting you from all sides,knocking you up to a point of disabling you,an 86-year old German mzee won’t be all that action in bed. The number one thing that college girls are getting disgusted with in bed is for the fact that these decaying sponsors will hop into to bed and then sleep away. Even before the action. Old men will be in the club having a blast,talking about how they will smash that kitty in bed and then,just after the both of you have checked into the room,and you’ve lowered your pants,the mzee is so tired,so wasted,so old,he collapses in bed and snoozes away. Just when the girl was done peeing and ready for some D. Old nigga is already snoring his old ass away. He dozed the f**k away!
2. Snore Loudly
If there’s something that sucks more than falling asleep all of a sudden,like a bag of cabbages,it’s the snoring. Old people have serious nasal issues which will never be fixed. Ever. And that’s another thing that college girls can’t stand. ‘He snores like an old train’ Kate (not her real name) says. He’ll be done with the action and then roll over like a luggage,and that’s when it gets nightmarish. When they sleep,they sleep hard. And snore so hard,so continuously,the house becomes some sort of a noise machine with the man snoring his fat away through the night,grunting and roaring like a dirty old pig. College girls just can’t stand the deep guttural sounds. Disgusting.
3. Cough and Spit
As if being a recently-divorced 79-year old grandfather is not bad enough,these wazees will wake up the whole floor with their incessant coughs and random spits all across the room – the sink,the bathroom floor,the toilet, into the tissue paper,everywhere. ‘Hawa wazee hutema mate kila mahali… Wakikohoa kila time… It’s disgusting… Halafu anakam kukukiss…’ says Belinda* (not her real name). But there’s nothing you can really do about it. He’s old and having chest problems. Coughing for him is a part of life. Or else,you will need to attend a funeral.
4. Pick The Phone
These sponsors could be smack in the middle of steamy action and still, he’ll pick the phone when he’s called. They just don’t know that you don’t pick calls in bed. Just don’t. “I was dating this Jamaa from sijui Netherlands who would pick up his phone all the time in bed… Like I’m laying there all naked and shit and he’s on the phone… Slurring his way around the words…” some girl lamented to us. It’s a reality. They just want stop picking calls. From either their wives or kids or grandchildren or I don’t know who.
5. Sprawl Themselves
As if coughing and spitting and snoring isn’t bad enough,these 80-year Olds won’t stop sprawling themselves across the bed. Taking up all the space and spreading their fat selves across the bed. From corner to corner,edge to edge. Taking up all space and hogging all the bedsheets and bed covers. All a girl wants to do is sleep in peace. And in warmth. But with these men,it’s never really a guarantee. They are known to grab all the bed space and splash themselves across the bed like compost manure. Leaving very little space for the little skinny college thing.
6. Take Hours Before Getting Hard
This is like the most obvious anomaly with these old ones. College girls just can’t stomach the fact that these Caucasian sponsors take hours before they’re ever hard. She’ll be sitting there,lanky legs spread wide,all wet and moist,and the graying lover hovering above them,breathing hard and panting like a deer,is still struggling to get hard. Getting hard is not a simple task. It’s like a natural thing for anyone below 45. But you need prayers and the will of God to get that thing to harden after that. It’s even worse when you’re 78. And retired. And divorced. And senile. It could take a whole three hours before he’s finally hard. And that’s after he’s swallowed pills and even watched some naughty clip on his phone. Getting hard should be instant.
7. Climax Too Fast
With these old antiques,getting hard takes ages. And then,soon as they’re hard, and they’ve slipped that sloppy thing in that coochie,they’ve already climaxed and are croaking and whining on top of you,losing their breath. In less than two minutes, they’ve already reached climax and have already sputtered out even before the girl can find the best comfortable position. For them,it’s usually a three second pounding and he’s groaning his old ass away,cumming and grunting. In like ten seconds. Man.
8. Improperly Wear A Condom
No college girl wants to get pregnant. Especially for some aged Russian millionaire who is only bin Kenya for holiday. Who retired from the civil service to watch his cats. Condoms prevent two major things ; pregnancy and diseases. And you just can’t risk any of the two. Just can’t. “Last thing I want is to be carrying some old white dude’s baby… Or to be having herpes from him. Mostly, they can’t wear a condom right they don’t even love wearing one. It’s quite a nightmare…” says Sue * from Kenyatta University. Biggest reason they can’t wear the rubber right is mostly because their hands are trembling from a myriad of reasons which include old age,drunkenness and sleepiness. Haha.
9. Fart
If there’s a lot that’s accomplished at farting, all the time, any time, it’s this sort of lot. When you’re 87 and old, foreign and spendthrift,farting becomes pretty much part of your life. Because in real sense,your bowels are letting go and your anal brakes ain’t no good,farting is really what you’re good at at this stage. “I hate it when I’m with him in the room and then he starts to fart allover the place… Making the room smell like a dumpsite. It sucks. They just don’t have no brakes. Wo hushuta anytime everytime… Kama watoto” Caro * of JKUAT says. Nothing sucks more than a sponsor who is farting his way into the night just when things were starting to get exciting and sexy. And you don’t want to be in that room. It can be a total disaster. I mean,damn,she’s a girl. Not your little son.
10. Smell (Body Odor)
Just when you’ve all gotten sexy and cosy, ready for some steamy action,the mzee will be undressing too,revealing a flabby,oblong stomach,sagging muscles,hairy armpits and a generally very unappealinglook…Which,to add insult to injury,is a smelly look. “Kuna wenye hukuwa hygenic…Lakini wengine…Waaaaah….You just can’t survive around them….And yet he’s on top of you and kissing you. Yuck!” says Kagendo* a student at one f the top city campuses. Octogenerians tend to have a particular body odor which,if not checked,can really suck and put a damper in the bedroom activities.
