Month: February 2013

Yesterday i got a call from a very good friend; the beautiful Linda Naisalei. She told me to check my DM. I didn’t. Had no credit and the shops are too far.

I checked my DM today in the morning. She had sent a Direct Message to me informing me that a photo of me was circulating the internets in which i was f*nger*ng a lass. I am a vainglorious schmuck so i was excited to hear that the internets were rife with tales of my indiscretions. Here is the offensive photo;

PS: Walalahoi is a twitter troll account run by Robert Alai.

I was however disappointed to find that the photo which Robert Alai purported depicted me getting cosy with a lass wasn’t me. It was just a pathetic attempt from Robert Alai to tarnish my already murky image. Infact, the photo doesn’t allow for anyone to identify the lucky lad.

On Sunday night, I actually went home alone after watching mighty Nigeria flex puny Ivory Coast. I went to an empty bed sadly. If indeed i was the lad in question, i would atleast have had company for the night.

And just so the internets know who i am next time, i have two tattoos on my neck, a tattoo on my wrist and 3 on my torso. My hair is wiry so i look like i have a neglected perm when it grows long.

Why this troll article you ask? Well, like i said, Chimwani Obiajulu is a vainglorious douchebag who couldn’t pass up the chance to force-feed Robert Alai his own bull*defecate*. Plus i enjoy a good laugh. But here’s the photo. You decide if i was the lad in question:

<The lucky devil!>

Following the launch of the IEBC API that opened up Kenya’s Electoral data, Ajibu Limited, has launched an online-based opinion poll that will allow Kenyans to particpate in a public poll for all elective positions. Opinion Yetu aims to open up the expression of views on upcoming general elections to a majority of Kenyans.

Watch the Last 2 Uongozi Contestants Battle it Out

“We found a way to solve a problem that has dogged the Kenyan political scene for a long time. It’s no secret that opinion polls in Kenya have been subject to criticism from both the Wananchi and politicians,” said Stephen Odunga, CTO for Ajibu Consulting Limited.

Obama Directly Adresses Kenyans About Elections

An increasingly recurring element is the limited number of people involved in opinion polls, most of whom are almost invisible to the public eye. Users will be allowed to register using their national identification numbers along with their counties of representation and mobile phone numbers.

20 Hilarious Photos from Sonko’s Website

The information that has been to the IEBC API will determine the authenticity of a participant and lock out those who haven’t registered as voters. Ajibu says the  data from the poll will be used by news media, public affairs groups, institutions, political campaigns, companies and marketing agencies.

Interested participants are are encouraged to take part in the poll by visiting the main site.

Ahoy beautiful people! How’s the week coming along? Here’s what you should know this morning;

#1 Looking at this photo you’ll concur that Citizen TV’s Janet Mbugua has undergone an “extreme makeover”.

#2 The flamboyant youthful politician Mike Sonko has acquired another ride with customized plates. Take a look.

#3 Kiss 100’s radio queen Caroline Mutoko finally speaks about the sensitive marriage subject that she’s been avoiding like the plague. Check out her sentiments.

#4  Wedding bells are about to chime for Prezzo and Goldie. The two’s wedding is set for 9th of February!

#5 The big booty girl from the ‘You Guy’ video gets herself a new toy… Mr. Dildo. Take a look at this photo.

#6 Bootylicious socialite Vera Sidika trashes claims that she’s dating Camp Mulla member, Shappaman.

#7 PULSE Magazine tries to start beef between Huddah Monroe and Vera Sidika just days after the former was involved in an epic tweef with Shee Waruinge.

#8 Once again as usual, controversial blogger Robert Alai takes to Twitter to attack a Kenyan legend. Find out what he says about him.

#9 After leaving Kiss 100 last week, Jalang’o lands himself another radio job at Standard Group.

#10 Famous socialite’s hubby compels her to delete her Twitter and Facebook accounts after argument on the social sites gets personal.

There you have it; more news to follow, keep it here.

On Friday past, Pulse EXCLUSIVELY ran a story about the buxom buttocked, voluptuously shaped Vera Sidika having beef with Kenya’s own Kim Kardashian, the beautiful, outspoken and lithe Huddah Monroe.

We as Ghafla opted not to touch the story. We figured that there was more than meets the eye here. We can exclusively report that after doing abit of digging, Uncle Chim Tuna has established that there was very little fact in what was reported.

When it happened, Huddah Monroe suspected Vera Sidika of disseminating the rumours. And as i said before, given Huddah’s position, it’s understandable that she regards everyone with suspicion. Imagine waking up to find a story about you in the papers that has no bearings on any information you have. Won’t you suspect the other party?

<Huddah Monroe>

For her part, Vera was shocked that Huddah chose to attack her. Understandable. Her yansh (bottom) would never be found in murky waters! Not Roxxie! And with that, a beef was nearly born!

Vera chose to instead clear the air and posted this on her Facebook page:

“I got no beef wt nobody. That’s not me at all…r they tryna create one? I don’t get.”

“Some unnecessary vibes n rumors.I am really good at ignoring.. like this pulse gossip.”

Kwani? Open Mic takes place today, Tuesday, 5th February from 7:00 p.m. to 9:00 p.m. Entry to the event is Kshs. 200.

The event has now moved to Arfa Lounge on Mama Ngina Street (since late last year), not far from its former home, Club Soundd. Arfa Lounge is at the XX Century IMAX Cinema.

The MC is still radio presenter Cindy Ogana while the focus poet for this edition is Benson Kimani. Kwani? Open Mic has previously featured Esther Poyer, Moraa, Ian Kamau, Checkmate, Joshua Ogutu and Larry Liza among others.

The general elections that will be taking place in March has most people, not just in Kenya but all over the world, filled with tension and worries.

No one would even think about having the same unfortunate turn of events this time round, that we had back in 2007. With the political and economical progress that we have so far achieved, a backward step is unacceptable.

When I say everyone is concerned about this beautiful country and its people on this coming general elections, I really do mean everyone.

US President Barack Obama has just issued a statement through a video uploaded on YouTube a couple of hours ago, in which he addresses the Kenyan people directly.

This you have to watch. Take a look.

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Barely a month after being appointed Mediamax’s Executive Director, Granton Samboja is already down to his philanthropic ways. Saturday, K24 aired the story of 14-year old Dennis Maina who suffers from bowel incontinence and was in dire need of medical attention. His mother was in no financial condition to raise the KSh.150,000 needed to transform Maina’s life.

However, after watching the touching story of the talented boy who repairs electronics in Kisiriri village in Narok North county, Mediamax Group Executive Director, Granton Samboja offered to foot the bill. The boy will now receive treatment at AIC Kijabe Mission Hospital with the boss promising to follow up on his education immediately he’s treated.

Watch the touching story below;

After Q-Tasi released his latest single, ‘Stiletos’, guys loved it. That was just before he released its video. Then guys went crazy over it. The hot video with the sexy bootilicious dendais everywhere gave it a run to be the sexiest video yet.

Now, having seen it become the success that it is, Q-Tasi is now ready to perform ‘stilettos’ for the first time ever.

On the 15th, 16th and 17th of February, Kenya’s biggest cricket festival will be going down at the Nairobi Gymkhana. The three day festival dubbed ‘The Zuku Cricket Wars’ will see many teams battle it out on the grounds to the thrill of the fans.

It is at this event that Q-Tasi will be performing his latest tracks as well as all his other hit tracks like ‘chips funga’.

Come watch this great artistes perform his biggest song yet. Hopefully those sexy dendais will be accompanying him on stage.

Didge is one of the best soul artistes we have in the country. And when he collaborates with some of the most promising hip hop groups around, expect something special.

As if those ingredients were not potent enough, add one of the most consistently solid producers, Dillie, and you get one of the best tracks out so far this year. Dillie has worked on tracks for some of the biggest hip hop acts in the country including Juliani, Octopizzo and Muthoni.

Rap group, 125 have collaborated with gifted singers Didge and Sage on Can’t Take It and the result is an almost old school-sounding track that should definitely blaze up the charts, that’s if Camp Mulla created a market for all-English hip hop in Kenya. You might remember 125 from this hot cypher.

Check out Can’t Take It below.

Have you ever dreamed of being in the BBA house as a housemate publicly taking a dump and showering? Having your s3x-life put on display for million asthough you’re an animal being viewed on the Discovery chanel?

Then this is an announcement for you! Uncle Chim Tuna together with the rest of the mad team at Ghafla have decided to give you a cheat sheet on how to bamboozle your way into the house.

#1. Don’t be shy!

1st, you mustn’t be shy. When asked to strip by the panel of judges, do so. That’s if they ask. If they don’t ask, then there’s no better way to leave a lasting impression than by voluntarily taking your clothes off! It might land you in the looney bin but isn’t it worth the risk? If they ask you to stop, hold them hostage with a little striptease. Tell them that they must send you to Madiba’s land if they don’t want to see you in your natural state!

#2. Entertain!

Sing them the song of your people! Sing with all your heart. And if all you can do is croak like a randy toad, the better! Hold the panel hostage and tell them that unless they send you to the lad down under and into the BBA House, you will keep singing!

#3. Tell them you’re an exhibitionist!
Let the panel know that being viewed on international (actually continental) television copulating is a life long dream of yours! If they allow you to do so they will not be disappointed. If this doesn’t work, threaten to give them a demonstration all on your own unless you get shortlisted!

#4. Be nice.

Be unbelievably nice. Kill them with your niceness. Be the good guy/ naive girl. Everyone likes to see people fall off their perch high above the rest of mankind. It’s called schadenfreude. The panelists won’t be able to rest it. It’s a human condition. They will be eager to see you knocked off your lofty perch!

#5. Do all of the above!
Nothing will confuse and possibly scare them quite like doing all the above mentioned thing. Be nice while standing n4ked: offer them lollipops while standing n4ked as you sing them the ear-splitting song of your people! Dance for them while nvde as you inform them that you’re a passionate exhibitionist! It will certainly work… Or it will land you in jail or in Mathare Hospital but who cares?

But my advice is useless unless you register. And you only have 10 days left to do so!

This month started off with some really soulful music. Closed January on some good Just A Band music at the Thursday Nite Live @ Choices and kicked open February with more music from Neo Soul artistes.

Check out how the Kesho Imefika Closing Concert went down last Friday.

Photo props: Quaint Photography

The date is this Saturday 9th Feb 2013 at the Zen Gardens from 2PM through 7PM. This year, the organizers’ cause is “Therapies For Kids”. This event will be an amazing place where mums and kids born with special needs find the help and support that they need.

Two years ago, proceeds from the event went to sending home new mums from the Pumwani Maternity Hospital. Last year, the money was used buy drugs (very expensive drugs), blankets and toys for the children’s cancer ward at KNH. This year the money will go towards therapy for kids and mums who need it.

“If you have friends, family, loved ones who have a child with cerebral palsy, downs syndrome or even autism, please, please, have them visit “Therapies For Kids” at The GreenHouse on Ngong Rd – 1st Floor,” urged Kiss 100’s Caroline Mutoko who is one of the organizers.

Advance tickets are going for Ksh5000. You can contact info@zengarden.co.ke for more info.

After Obama happened, Kenya and America have had a cordial relationship and that has spread to the music scene. Not once have we witnessed select Kenyan artistes working with American artistes on music projects and the result has always been a great masterpiece.

Now, in yet another success story, a Kenyan producer/rapper, DJ Lu Senz and Amber Noel, a dubstep artist from Tennessee have been brought together by their love of music. Have connected online, the two artistes have created a song that combines African and Electronic Music influences.

The song is about rising above challenges and making a difference and was produced by Jus Beef Music; a music production company based in Nairobi run by DJ Lu Senz. Listen to this stroke of genius below;

So today in the morning, Maina and King’ang’i seek to find out whether or not it is a good idea for a person to seek help from their ex. Actually, the question was: “Is it possible for a Kenyan man or woman to seek help from their ex without ulterior motives coming into play?”

And i was reminded of a relationship i was in back in 2011 that fell apart because i sought for help from my ex. My then ex was irate that i had my ex over at my apartment to help me when i was sick. I don’t see anything wrong with that nor do i see anything wrong with asking your ex for help whether monetary or otherwise.

<This is what my girlfriend must have felt about me>

<But in my defence…>

Yesterday some lady called in to say that her ex was the one helping educate her daughter and although they kissed after not meeting for over 20yrs, that was as far as it went. I don’t cosign this because to me, kissing is cheating.
The 1st caller said that because we are human beings, it is only natural that we expect something in return. He would only help out his ex if he knew he could expect something in return.
The next caller spoke in reference to the lady who is having her ex educate her daughter as “kuku na mayai inatumbukizwa”. Apparently, “mayai inakulwa asubuhi na kuku ni ya jioni”!
The men who called seemed to only help out when they knew they could expect sexual favours in return… I think i know where my ex was coming from!
The 1st lady caller called in to say that a man cannot assist you without expecting something in return. He will eventually demand something in return and it is often sexual in nature.

The next caller called in to say that for the past 6years, she has been helped out by some lad who even flew her to Mombasa for a holiday. That was when everyone in the office called bull*defecate*. THIS IS THE QUINTESSENTIAL KENYAN WOMAN IN A RELATIONSHIP: A PARASITE! How do you keep stringing a man along like this then say that he is just a brother to you? He flew you to Mombasa for heaven’s sake! And you claim he got nothing for his troubles inspite of you sharing a room with him? I smell bull*defecate*!

From this point all the rest of the women called in to gloat about how they know men who are taking care of them and they give nothing in return… From men who take care of women and their children to those who buy women little luxuries like clothes and silly trinkets. They called in to gloat. Even Chege Miati who is usually rather zen and mellow said that no woman ever wastes his money expecting nothing back!

What do you think?

Today being the morning after yesterday, it’s time your uncle Chim Tuna gets you up to speed on what exactly the top stories are in regards to Kenya’s entertainment industry.

And to start us off:

#1. Our resident Dholuo connersier Jeff Omondi is back and he’ll be taking us through the list of Kenya’s sexiest news anchors who’ve been attacked in a rather candid open letter.

#2. Robert Alai was also savagely attacked in an open letter from resident rabble rouser Cabu Gah. Read about that here.

#3. A slight wardrobe malfunction left this former TPF 2 contestant better known for her shortlived whirlwind romance to one half of hiphop legends Dead Prez exposing her nether regions. For shame mkhana! For shame!

#4. Former Citizen presenter has decided to jump ship and is now at Classic 105. Find out about that here!

#5. Classic FM’s female fans have been called out! Watch out now! The gloves came off here! Read what that was about from Jeff Omondi!

#6. The photo of the day was of one Colonel Mustapha stepping out and “nyemelearin” a certain “dendai”. Check it out here.

#7. Boxum buttocked Vera Sidika was chilling out with Akon and we have the pics to prove it! Click here to see the bootyful lass kick it with the Konvicted one.

#8. Jalang’o’s replacement at Kiss 100 has been unveiled by Mista Majani himself. Read on to discover more about that.

#9. This huge Mombasa celebrity escaped a fiery death by the skin of her teeth. Read more from Kone Sekou to discover what that’s about.

#10. This reknown photoblogger had his photos jacked by TNA (or so he claims) and he wants his pound of flesh! He is seeking legal counsel so he can get his day in court and sate his hunger for justice from both TNA and Mike “Sonko” Mbuvi!