For the last two weeks or so,the World has been gripped by the hip-hop beef that was sensationally triggered by a boisterous Tweet from Nicki Minaj’s boyfriend, Meek Mill. Mill,a less-than-successful American rapper from Philadelphia,had the nerve to call out Drake. And pour water on his (Drake’s) chequered hip-hop career. And then epic shit went down.
After the tweets started trickling in,thick and fast,it was clear, at least to Drake that this was no simple Twitter mud-fest anymore… This had taken a whole new turn. And the only way to solve it was hitting the studio. And recording a diss track. An record he did.
Drake did two diss tracks…Charged Up and Back to Back. But it was Back to Back that really blew up the Internet. And drove the last nail of Meek Mill’s coffin.
Hottest line in the song,‘Shout Out to all my Boss bitches wifing Niggas….’
Drake alluded that Nicki was the wealthy one in the relationship. And sure she is. Drake even advised Nicki to hit Meek Mill with a prenup(tial).
Meek has since then been heavily trolled and ridiculed for being not just the weaker one,but also the younger one,poorer one and less successful one in the Relationship.
Nicki is really the husband in the relationship. And Meek,a hard core Philly rapper,has been reduced to something of a toyboy for Nicki. A weak,little pet dog. Ouch.
But even here,we DO have Celebrity Relationships featuring some Boss Ladies and some not-so-successful dudes. We do have some real female ballers,with all the money and respect dating some really struggling male celebs… And just like in the Nicki-Meek situationship,things are not so rosy either.
1. CAROLINE MUTOKO AND CHIPUKEEZY
No one saw this one coming. Infact, no one could have predicted it. Caroline was-and has always been-the boss. Earning close to a million per month, driving powerful machines,wining and dining in 6-star hotels and living in magnificent houses in Kileleshwa and Runda. And then she met Chipukeezy. Some not-so-talented short Kamba comic with limited comic material and a shabby career. We’re told Caro was blown away by Chipukeezy’s confidence and that,since he joined Kiss Fm, Chipu, as he’s fondly known by pals,would bring flowers to Caro’s busy table every morning. Caro would rebuff his amorous advances but Chipukeezy,ever the relentless brother,upped the ante. And finally,Caro gave in and started dating her tribesman. According to friends, the relationship has not been too easy. Caro is always busy and Chipu is always nagging. We are told that Caro has also bought Chipukeezy a nice Mazda Demio two months ago. And that she has taken him to Zanzibar twice. And paid for all of the expenses. Caro also has paid Chipukeezy’s house rent-which is Ksh. 50,000 per month-since he moved in. We are also told that Chipukeezy’s cleans Caro’s three cars every weekend. And mows her lawn too. Sources even claimed that Chipukeezy does shopping for Caro every Sunday when Caro is too busy with boardroom meetings. Chipukeezy also, according to sources, walks Caro’s dog around Runda every Saturday evening. But we’re told that their love has never been stronger. Good luck,Kamba Couple.
2. MUTHONI DRUMMER QUEEN AND ANTO NEO SOUL
Muthoni is known as the Boss Lady. And not for nothing. Muthoni has made close to Ksh. 100 million from her music career and Blanket and Wines festival franchise and thus, she is quite the boss. Muthoni and Anto met in the studio. And fell for each other immediately. Sources claim that Muthoni approached Anto herself. And that she’s taken him to Paris, Rome and Amsterdam for fully-paid romantic trips. Anto is the girl in the relationship. We are told that Anto sings songs for Muthoni every night… Before she sleeps. Anto also has had his recording fees paid for by Muthoni since they met. The number of underwear that Muthoni has bought Anto is also so high that Anto changes them twice a day. Due to the relationship, Anto also gets to perform at the blankets and wines for free every month. We are also told that they live together. And that Anto is the one who cooks. But he’s a horrible cook. And that’s why Muthoni’s voice sounds like that.
3. VERA SIDIKA AND MOUSTAFA
After Huddah,Moustafa,the now-irrelevant Ogopa Deejays ‘rapper’ went for Huddah’s rival farmer Vera. And surprisingly,Vera accepted him. But not because she cared… But because Vera has always wanted to challenge herself and also that she wanted to get back at Huddah,she agreed to date Moustafa who is more known for bad music and bad choices too. But Vera was a better choice. We are told that Moustafa lives in Sidika’s pent house in Kileleshwa and that he also alternates as the gateman whenever Vera’s official gateman is either off or sick. When he is not recording bad music,we are told that Moustafa keeps himself busy by pruning Vera’s garden and watering her flowers. We are told that Vera also brings her Nigerian sponsors to the house and tells them that Moustafa is her cousin. And Moustafa smiles as he serves them Champagne. Love is blind.
4. AKOTHEE AND BENACHI
Well… Well… After she cunningly denied dating him on her explosive #TheTrend interview,it has finally been revealed that Akothee,really,does date Gospel sweet boy Benachi. We are told that Akothee calls the shots in the relationship. And we are not surprised. According to sources, the ONLY time that Benachi is allowed to talk is when he is telling Akothee that she is beautiful. And also,the ONLY music that gets played in the three multi-million houses they live in is Akothee’s music. Benachi is madly in love with Akothee. And she’s crazy about him too. Infact, Benachi has been given the 100 Million house in Mombasa and he uses it to host Gospel gigs over the weekend. Benachi, we are also told, gets to babysit Akothee’s teenage children whenever Akothee is out of town. Akothee is also the one who has fully funded Benachi’s music career. And we are also told that Benachi spends his Saturdays washing Akothee’s 15 cars. And then using one of them to drive Akothee to a poorly-attended concert every Saturday evening. He then goes back home to sing and cry. Before Mama Akothee comes home. To scare him with love.
5. STL AND KENZO
STL is that Kenyan-Norwegian rapper who has more balls than a sports Store. And also the girl who,before she performs at your concert, demands that you pick her up in a black limousine. And it should be full of so much alcohol, you might as well show up with a bar. As for Kenzo,well, he’s that guy who brought you the hit Mama. And never brought you anything else worth listening to-or writing about. Kenzo met STL at a drunken festival in Naivasha. And they fell in love immediately. STL wanted to, for once, date a regular guy. A guy,for once, who has less than her . And will ALWAYS have less. Kenzo, according to sources, is not really into STL. He just wants to hang around her. And get free drinks and passes to events. STL, on the other hand, really does Love Kenzo. But she’s never in the Country. And thus,poor Kenzo gets lonely. And that explains his music. We are told that whenever STL is in Kenya, she stays over at Kenzo’ South B House… Whose house rent she pays anyway. We are also told that during the BIASHARA NI BIASHARA music video shoot, Kenzo’s job was to carry STL’s make-up around. And while the shoot went on, Kenzo didn’t like the fact that STL was getting to cosy with Khaligraph Jones. And then Kenzo thought of beating up Khaligraph. And then he remembered that Khaligraph is bigger than a stadium. And then crawled back into STL’s car. To write a song.
6. AVRIL AND G-KON
These people been in love since 2008. But Avril has always DENIED it. Infact that ‘South African’ tycoon that she’s supposed to be dating is a joke. Her real man is G-Kon. The rapper who never changes his rapping style. Or clothes. Avril met G-Kon at an NGO event. She was there to perform… G-Kon was there to collect a humanitarian loan. Avril had mercy on the poor boy who also could rap. And offered to adopt him. And adopt him she did. But soon after they got home, Avril started falling in love with this ka-jamaa she had collected from a USAID event. And the love grew and grew and grew… Avril is the reason G-Kon still affords to record music. And even though she denies him in public, Avril has never been in so much love. If only G-Kon would buy another shirt. And take a shower.
7. VICTORIA KIMANI AND JAY A
After dating Victor Wanyama-or was it his brother-Victoria Kimani,our sassy Nigerian singer decided that she now needed a man who didn’t share a first name with her. Or have more money in the bank than she did. After a glitzy fast life in Los Angeles, Victoria settled for the teenager-turned-rapper Jay A who she met at some Coke Studio event. And ended up sharing more than just a coke with him. But sources tell us that Jay A is the one who actually approached Victoria and floored by his audacity,she couldn’t resist going out with him. And it later turned out that Jay A was quite the charmer. Infact, she even suggested to him that he should quit rapping and pick up a career as a snake charmer in Mumbai. It’s not yet clear whether Jay A is taking that advice seriously yet. Both have toured Africa extensively and we are told a collabo is in the oven. Victoria is also planning to export her boy to Lagos and kick-start his now-defunct career there. But with the likes of MI and Ice Prince still rapping in Nigeria, it looks like Jay A will be back in Kenya faster than Victoria can say ‘mtoto’.
8. LILIAN MULI AND L JAY MAASAI
Now this is where it gets crazy. No one saw this coming. Not even the protagonists. Well, back in May,L Jay Maasai, the Gospel artiste who basically just yells traditional Maasai cow chants and passes them off as Gospel music,was invited by Lilian Muli to her Citizen TV show. And after he showed up and blew her away with his ability to chant like a herder and still love God at the same time,we are told that Lilian took Maasai boy to the nearest hotel in Hurlingam and bought him so much food he he thought he was sinning he eating. Sources tell us that this relationship has grown by leaps and bounds since then. We are told that,in those two months or so of dating, Mr. Maasai boy has been reduced from a cow-loving Jesus boy to Lilian Muli’s gardener. Maasai boy also picks up Miss Lilian every night after the TV shows. And drops her to work in the morning. Lilian has since resisted moving in with Maasai boy because,in her won admission, her compound is not big enough to accommodate the 78 cows and goats Maasai boy wanted to move in with. But she pays his house rent in Athi River. And pays for his flock’s veterinary services every two weeks. Love… Is herbivorous.
9. HUDDAH MONROE AND NJUGUSH
It’s not clear where these two met. And it’s not clear when this disaster started happening but one thing is for sure,there’s no stopping an idea whose time has come. No matter how bad it is. Huddah, the farmer-cum-tourist first fell in love with Njugush after watching him on TV killing it as the son of a farmer. Huddah, who has always loved farming so much so that she Google tomato photos,instantly fell in love with this boy who would help her cultivate her potatoes in Kitengela. And then she inboxed him on Facebook. And the love began. We are told that this is the craziest love of all so far… Huddah treats Njugush like a trash boy. Infact, he’s a trash boy. While Njugush is not busy acting and being skinny,sources connected to this two disasters tell us that Njugush is usually posted to Kitengela by his baby Huddah. To water the tomatoes and weed the farm. Njugush also gets to spread manure around Huddah’s expansive farm every Wednesday. And Njugush is also the greatest reason why Huddah’s potatoes are doing so well. And every two months, you can find Njugush at Wakulima Market selling all the Huddah farm produce after which Huddah collects all the money and flies off to Ibiza alone. To sit at a deck and post photos home. While her little boyfriend is busy adjusting the light in Huddah’s huge greenhouses. Njugush even suggested to Huddah that they should name the farm business Njuguddah Products but Huddah said a FLAT NO. ‘Wewe panda sukuma na unyamaze…’ Njugush was told. And truly, he did exactly that. God bless Google.
We shall keep you updated on more relationships as they happen. However gross or unbelievable they are. Or downright comical.
DISCLAIMER : This Article is for creative purposes ONLY. IT’s 100% Fictional and was purely done for fun. Nothing narrated here is true or actually happened-Or happens.
Have fun catching feelings tho…..
