Kenyatta university lived to the hype the past week. If you care for a reminder, it is the university that the president of the united states found pleasure in during his last visit. Ghafla was at Kenyatta University last week for Kukachhora Hangouts and shall this week, Friday, be at USIU for the same. Look out, we shall show up at your university soon.
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This past Saturday, I went to a campus pool party hosted at a mansion along Thika Road. Pool parties have long had a history of debauchery and raunchy revelry, this one was different. It was intense.
Going to a pool party was never something I imagined I’d do in the foreseeable future. Like bungee jumping or watching Game Of Thrones, it fell very low on my list of life goals. I had planned to spend my Saturday afternoon with a girl called Grace. Yeah….i wanted to shag her to numbness but then she flaked.
At 12 noon on Sato, immediately after I had bought some chicken and juice, she texted me, rather officially
“Hello Philip Etemesi, after doing some background check on you, I have decided I am not going to sleep with you. I think you are a player. Sorry to disappoint (smile emoji). I hope we can remain friends though”
Funny that she addressed me with both names like she was a HR manager denying me a job. I’ll be honest. I w hurt. This girl had the nicest boobies on planet earth but fate had decided I wasn’t going to get anywhere near them.
So I hollad at my pal Pato to inquire about the possibility of a concrete plan. There was one – a campus pool party. I am too grown to be attending a campus pool party but fortunately, despite my twenty five years of age, I happen to baby faced, so no one would notice I didn’t belong,
I met up with Pato at two and headed to the venue, to crash of course. The only thing he failed to inform me was that it was a party for spoilt rich kids. Such bashes always have the ‘no holds barred’ theme. Anything goes.
I was hoping to stay under the radar but soon as we entered the gate, the guy that had invited Pato recognized me.
“Aaah……Philo, the writer. Nlidhani uko na ndai. Kumbe umekam tu kaguu.”
Now that’s the problem of being a little famous yet you don’t own a car. I didn’t know what to tell him so I just knocked fists with him and kept walking.
Next I met a thick-bodied girl who looked like she had stepped out of a porn movie. She wore shorts which were….well…..really….really brief. Her t-shirt was suspended so high by full breasts and her expensive weave danced on her shoulders. She had blue nails and a touch of baby fat
“Hi!’ she greeted me while stretching out a hand. I wasn’t really expecting that. I thought she’d just walk past us.
“Hi!” I greeted her too while squeezing her palm and smiling. She squeezed mine right back. That was an IOI.
An IOI is an Indicator Of Interest. A sign that a girl wants more than just greetings from you. There are mainly three of them the first time you meet a girl. If she asks you what your name is, that’s an IOI. If she asks you if you are single or with anyone, that’s another IOI. And most importantly, if you take her hand and squeeze it , then she squeezes back, that’s a great IOI. As soon as you get an IOI, you shouldn’t even think about. Like a computer program, just execute.
With zeal fuelled by my earlier rejection from Grace, I leaned close to her ear and whispered ,”You are really pretty.”
She was smitten, She blushed and almost melted. All this time, Pato was staring at me amazed at how smooth I was but also wondering why the girl had ignored him completely,
Before she even finished saying ‘Thank You’ I whipped out my Smartphone and told her to key in her number, something which she gladly did. Her name was Claire
I had number-closed within seconds. My aim was not to hang around with one girl throughout the whole party. I just wanted to invest in as many future bangs as possible coz clearly all the girls there were DTF. I asked Claire where the washrooms were in order to relieve myself as well as flee from her and hit on other girls.
Pato wasn’t going to let me shine while he languished in obscurity so as usual, he left me solo to go hunt by himself roho safi. He’d rather compete with me than be my wingman.
The mansion had several washrooms. The first one I tried accesing was locked. Loud moans were coming from inside. With a fake accent, the chic kept blurting out a repetition of “Oh..baiby….oh baiby.” . It was crazy. I matched on to the next washroom a few metres away. On my way through the corridor, I passed two couples kissing or rather munching each other.
The next washroom’s door was slightly open and there was no noise coming from inside so I just entered. Holy shitballs! Two guys and one chic. The chic had bent over, her hands on the toilet seat. Behind her was a guy slightly pumping and in front of her was another guy unzipping. Too consumed in their unholy bliss, they didn’t even see me. So just to intentionally disrupt them, I slammed the door and walked away
I frantically searched for an unoccupied washroom, almost giving up until I found one where i took care of my business before going out to the pool where most of the action was.
By the poolside, I saw a lightskin girl with long black hair, a form fitting red sweater and tan legs, sticking out of a ruffled skirt. She was talking animatedly to two guys, bouncing around them like a cartoon character. She was the only girl there who wasn’t in a bikini.
As I looked around, I noticed that everyone was either smoking weed, dry humping to the music or making out in the pool. In as much as I am tolerant to ratchet stuff, this was too much. As soon as the two guys had left the girl in a sweater alone, I approached her, talked to her for around twenty minutes,
It turned out we were from the same hood. She was about to leave and the right thing to do was to leave with her, Without wasting much time, she bid farewell to her friends before we left together.
I couldn’t find Pato and he wasn’t picking up the phone either but our way out to the gate I saw him talking to a pretty momo far away. He was in safe hands. I left him a Whatsapp message and went to board a mat with my new catch. He name was Tracy.
We went to her place and what happened between me and her is a story on its own. A story fit enough for Etemesi’s Tales so I will write about it one of these coming few weeks
As I am finishing writing this article, I have received a Whatsapp message from Grace, the girl who flaked on me and called me a player.
“Hey Philip, sorry about Saturday. I had a lot on my mind. Wanna hook up again? Just pick a day and I’ll come”
Uuum. ….I really don’t like it when a lady juggles with the idea of whether she wants my ‘D’ or nah. I’ll see what to do with her after my brain cells hold a board meeting
Arriverderci!
Most men his age are busy partying and ‘chips fungaing’ ladies but Bahati’s story is a whole lot different. This is because he became a father of not one but 3 children not by accident but by choice and his life had to change.
He admits that being a parent is not always easy because he works mostly at night and he has to go home in the wee hours of the morning, take a nap then prepare his kids for school.
But as much as parenthood is challenging, it has taught him to become responsible. He says that he stopped sagging not because his fans went in on him but because he was scandalized when he saw his young son Morgan strut into a church with sagging pants.
Morgan and Bahati
He says that the image of young Morgan bouncing and sagging while sauntering into church was a wakeup call for him since he realized that Morgan looks up to him and emulates all he does.
So he figured that he should be a better role model since his son Morgan looks up to him
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Today is a wonderful day for Royal Media Services because superb things are really happening in the media house located on Maalim Juma Road, Off Dennis Pritt Road.
First Janet Mbugua welcomed her firstborn and second, Inooro TV is going live today. The TV Station will be unveiled ahead of other 24 hour vernacular TV stations from RMS that include Ramogi, Chamgei TV and Musyi TV .
We recently unveiled one of the news anchors, and today we unveil to you another young lady picked to join the Inooro TV team.
Grace Mwai is no stranger to the Kenyan public as she is a renowned gospel artiste famed for the ‘Kirathimo’ hit .Grace has been picked to host a gospel show in the new station ad i couldn’t think of a better choice.
Kleptomaniax as a group could be making a comeback on the musical scene.
Years after the all boys group rocked the nation with their mega hits especially their dis track response ‘Tuendelee’, the group could be making a comeback. Of the three only Collo, Collins Majale has remained consistent in music after the split that saw each member pursue their own projects.
The news of a potential reunion comes after Beat ya Keggah stable revealed that they are working on two collaborations from Nyashinski and Collo. The videos for the two songs are being shot in Las Vegas by Vj One.
The news of these two projects come in a month where the ‘Beat Ya Keggah’ label is handling several projects and promise to see back to back releases of music under the label. After the releases, Nyashinski will and the lable aim to put a concerted effort in the revival of his music career and there could be promises that at least two of the Kleptomaniax group will be working together.
Today, a popular radio blog revealed that Chipukeezy could have called it quits after his girlfriend was spotted flirting outrageously with some men in Westlands.
But the girlfriend has come of out to refute the claims that she had been dumped a month shy of their wedding , urging the blog to ‘get a hobby’ or ‘find something better clearly your (sp) not good at your job’
Chipukeezy and the girlfriend
She went on to ask them where they received what she calls idiotic news. “Where have you received this idiotic news? I never respond to your crap but you’ve taken it too far .Do you just sit and pray for the day we break up …FYI you’ll be on the VIP list come the wedding day .” she wrote.
This particular news item is rather interesting as the said the blog is under the same umbrella as Kiss 100 where Chipukeezy works, couldn’t this matter have been solved in-house without spilling over to the public?
Uchumi’s financial status may be in the doldrums but they still posses the ability to do philanthropy.
The company’s poor financial performances may have seen them sack former CEO Ciano as well as close up a number of shops and still put up several outlets for sale. However, they have scored big with the public with their actions towards a groups of kids in Uganda.
Last week, a photo emerged on social media showing a group of kids playing with paper bags branded Uchumi for their jerseys. This led to a push for Uchumi to get the kids proper jerseys. Despite having closed their Uganda outlets and not planning to get back until after a year, the company responded by asking help in tracking down the kids.
Thankfully they found the young kids members of Hearts FC a local academy and bought them full kits. The retailer may be out of the market but they have ensured they remain in the hearts of the shoppers in the area. Here are the beautiful photos.
Hundreds of commuters were stranded today morning at the Likoni channel after three ferries at the channel broke down.The Kenya Red cross society through their official twitter account said that a stampede had been reported in the area due to congestion.
Going through a few tweets, Kenyans think building a bridge will automatically bring a possible solution to this disaster,
@boniface mwangi-its safer and cheaper in the longterm to buld a bridgeat the Likoni
@danaceda-Likoni ferry should not be a thing anymore, we should be talking about likoni bridge,@ammteri-until a disaster happensat the likoni ferry nothing can be done,all e can do is just wait.
He is every woman’s dream; charismatic, good-looking, ripped abs from here to Timbuktu, intelligent and rich.
Drum rolls please.
Meet David Otunga mates! David Otunga was born in Illinois, 1980 to a Kenyan father, Moses, and a white American mother, Billie, both of whom are educators. He went on to Join Havard law school and graduated with honors, he later joined professional wrestling after trying his hand in acting and law.
His major debut was with WWE where he joined the infamous Nexus that caused major havoc in the WWE before they split up to follow individual careers. He has fought against John Cena, Cm Punk and other famous wrestlers signed with the wwe.
The most important bit is that David,who is of Kenya descent is married to Jenniffer Hudson with who he has a son. David Otunga JR. He prides in bowties and sweater vests and will be found carrying a mug in hand which has become his trademark over the years.
See photos of David below:
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On Friday, Sarah Hassan ruined #teamafisi’s weekend with this declaration “Yesterday the love of my life asked me to marry him and I said YES.”
And it seems that there is a crisis in the Team Mafisi Sacco after they realized that the unrivalled beauty has been scooped up after other beauties like Sharon Mundia, Janet Mbugua and Betty Kyallo were taken.
And just like when the other lovely ladies declared that they were now taken team Mafisi took to social media to express their boundless grief.
Here are some of the reactions; some of them had me on the floor hollering:
Lidah grive griffins @GriveLidah: Team mafisi chairman has released his audit report on #sarahhassan that she was engaged in a conversation
kristian job @brizyjob: Just hired teenage mutant turtles, spongebob and Patrick to eliminate to the guy sarah hassan is engaged to#FreeSarahHassan desperatetimes
Keym kym @Keymkym: mafisi’s chairman has called 4 Kenya’s top wife snatcher auditions that will see #sarahhassan back 2 the market the situation is in control.
Steve Muga @stevemuga: The kind of spell #SarahHassan cast on #teamMafisi is unbrokable, added with some strong puff stuff…smh.
Alex The Blogger™ @Moseax :I think all the beautiful ladies in Kenya have been Taken, #SarahHassan, #ThisisEss, #Avril, #BettyKyalo wenye wamebaki ni Gold diggers tu.
Dan kahia @Dan_Kahia: I see married men here mourning #SarahHassan engagement .Mungu anawaona pia .
Netizen. @Muiru :As #teammafisi, we were not consulted, we will convene an urgent caucus to discuss the unprecedented development.#sarahhassan
Bethuel @Ke_Diplomat: #TeamMafisi currently locked up in a crisis meeting ..Will address the media in a matter of minutes Sarah Hassan #SarahHassan
KIPLETING EMMANUEL @AmTweep: #SarahHassan As the personal assistant of Team Mafisi SACCO CEO ,we will issue a comprehensive statement tomorrow. Team Mafisi are not hapi
Tristan Merik@merik_tristan: sarah hassan uliamua tutaishi hvyo?yaani uliamua tu kuacha team mafisi kwa ma lights?issorait @sn_hassan
The series continues…. Last week,we saw how the good folks in MERU party. And sure, they do know how to throw a good one. Never mind their dressing or awkwardness on the dance floor. And today,we shall yet again analyze a certain part of Kenya and how they go about their party business.
WESTLANDS,which has always been the most preferred party spot for most Nairobi celebrities and urbane folks,is the ultimate home of entertainment and hedonism in this City.
For a long time now,WESTLANDS has been the to-go place for all manner of debauchery and unbridled immortality. Filthy rich politicians take their little,demonic college girlfriends to Westlands for weekends of excessiveness. Celebrities take their parties (most of which lack a quorum or even drinks) to Westlands. College girls from swanky colleges take their mannerlessness to Westlands and pretty much all visiting International celebrities will be pictured partying and letting loose at any one of Westlands’ famous hounds.
In short,if you’re loaded and can afford it,if you’re the type to show off and live a lie, if you’re a wannabe and/or want to fit in,WESTLANDS is the place to be.
Westlands,for a start,is the melting pot of nightclubs. There’s the hugely popular Skyluxx Lounge,the exquisite Aqua Blu Lounge, the tacky Gispys, the genteel ABC place, K1,Black Diamond (Is it still up and running?) Velvet and the likes.
Well now… How do the people in Westlands party? Here’s HOW:
Aloofness
Aloofness is the general snobbish attitude that people tend to have towards other people. A feeling of lack of touch with the general public and a feeling of self-importance and exaltation. For most of the party-goers in Westlands, a snobbish attitude is always served chilled and on the rocks. Like I said,most of the people that party here tend to think (and almost believe) they’re special and important and therefore,tend to act so. You will see them in the clubs, struggling to snuggle themselves at the VIP section (never mind how useless they truly are), you’ll see them with their drink in hand,sometimes wearing oversized dark sunglasses,sitting at a corner,staring into nothingness,looking all uptight and bothered,not talking or smiling or wanting to be looked at. Trashy,dirty bastards. Feeling themselves and all.
Bills Bills Bills….
The average guy who parties in Westie is oh-so-loaded! Man, these bitches have it all. They don’t walk into the club to hassle and haggle over prices and complain over the bill. They don’t walk into the club to try and split the bill or conduct some quickie harambee to raise money for a ‘Mzinga’. No, they’re sorted and they know it. Their wallets are bulging and their purses are purring. These are rich people, partner. They’ll rack up bills that are as high as whatever stuff the CORD Principals smoke. They’re the Kings and Queens of The Bill. The Almighty Bill.
Drinks…
Unlike the stuff you find strewn allover a table in a typical Meru nightclub,the drinks that these people prefer to swig speak for themselves. Classy drinks. Exquisite drinks. Urbane drinks. Imported drinks. Heavenly drinks. You won’t find cheap Athi River whiskeys on their tables. Or the Kariobangi Vodkas. Instead,all you see across all the tables,from Skyluxx to Aqua Blu to K1 is Jamesons,Smirnoff Blue Vodkas, Jack Daniels, Johnny Walkers, Ciroc and so on and so forth. Nothing trashy. Just class and wealth. Just that.
Empty Dance floors
In keeping up with their snobbish tradition,acting up and putting on a Queen of England show, these folks will NOT hit the dance floor no matter how good the song is. Not that they can’t dance… No, they’re actually good dancers. Trouble is, they’re too caught up in a desire to look cool and be cool and impress the world that they don’t find hitting the dance floor a good sport. They’d rather sit and bop their heads. Or tap their left leg. But no, these wannabes won’t be caught dead tearing up the dance floor. Nooo… They’re way top cool for that kind of Madness. But still, the dance floor is never that empty. Some crazy ones will still somehow end up on it… Somehow.
Fresh Air
Unlike most clubs, there’s some fresh air in these clubs. Mostly because the people in the clubs actually took a shower before going out and also because the place is not so crowded and crammed with all manner of drunk,, sweaty individuals. Therefore, the air is almost always fresh and bearable. And even when it’s not, there’s some smoke machines to clear things up. Literally.
Dress code.
Dressed to kill. No, to MURDER. Nothing more. Nothing less.
Gun Fights
Since most of the bastards who party here super wealthy individuals (Politicians,Celebrities) then,in most cases,these same people do carry licensed guns along with them. And time after time,after having one too many drinks,and feeling all loose and troublesome,fights break out. And unlike typical club fights,where there’s a lot of exchange of blows and physical knock outs, in Westie, they settle their beefs with much gun fights. All of a sudden, you’ll hear them guns go off,see people scattering and see wounded guys allover. Ask akina Prezzo and Chameleon and almost all politicians how bar fights are settled down there. Boom twaf twaf.
Parking lot sex
No other part of Nairobi is as sexually hungry and mannerless as Westlands. Knowing very well that they can’t get jiggy in the clubs (Not that they haven’t tried it) the good drunk Westlands party goers have now converted their cars and parking lots into their private dirty rooms. Occasionally,you’ll see them drag each other into their cars at the parking lot. You might think they’re going to collect a charger or power bank. You’re wrong. They’ve gone for a quickie. Give them a few minutes and you’ll see the car bobbing up and down,and, looking closely, you’ll see the girls legs hanging in the air,and the guy pounding it harder than a KNEC exam leakage. And then they’ll get up,pull up their pants and hotter back to the club. Only in Westlands.
Shisha Shisha Shisha
No other constituency of revelers love smoking shisha as much as the guys in Westie do. Walk into any club in any part of Westie and you’ll see bongs and bongs of shisha allover the place. From the entrance to the toilets. Everyday is a shisha festival in Westie. Damn smokers!
Mathaphuckin’ Hot Mamas!
Wanna see the hottest bitches? Wanna see the sexiest thighs? Wanna see the most beautiful damsels? Wanna see the most gorgeous smiles? Well… You know where to go. It’s a hotbed of sexiness. Ah,Westlands.
Early Retirement
Unlike in some clubs,where guys can stay all night and even see the sun come up while STILL in the clubs,in Westie, people retire early. Mostly because they’re actually busy people who have a life and who value their lives and won’t be caught dead partying themselves silly into 5.30am in the morning. Most of the people here leave the club as early as 2am. Or 3am. Unlike most of us, these are busy people who have an early morning. And sleep means a lot to them. A lot.
And there you have it, that’s how our good people over in Westlands do their thing. They party hard and party mercilessly. And left to their own devices,they can pull a Lamar Odom on you. They’re party diehards. And absolutely unapologetic about it.
TOMORROW : HOW THE PEOPLE IN NAIROBI’S CBD PARTY.
Aside from the Jadudi ‘scandal’, the 200 kids caught imbibing in alcohol at a joint in Dubois road another hot topic was the Papua Guinean who battered his wife .
The story was a big deal because the man had not only beaten his wife till she as black and blue but that he claimed he as ‘untouchable’ and ‘above the law’
Of course this topic made it to the trend but the discussion got very heated after one of the panelist made a comment that was deemed ‘sexist’ and insensitive.
Abel Mutua known to many as Freddie thanks to his role in Tahidi High started off quite well with this” Any man who beats up a woman should not sit at the table of men.”
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Before ruining the both with this “But that said kuna saa ingine msichana anaeza kufikisha mahali. They have something called a ‘shameometer’ at the back of their brain, basically something that measures when the man will feel the most shameful, so you tear him down”
Such boorish behavior is the reason some men beat women he climed . But things got out of hand when he said “Once in a while, mwanamke ni kama mala, unatingisha tu “and Ciru was ready to pull out her earrings and blast him to smithereens.
But Ciru as not the only one grossly offended by how he compared women to an inanimate object and KOT really let him have it.
Check out some of the reactions:
Liz Madowo @lizmadowo: How can you, pray tell Abel Mutua, express such sexist views on national TV? How? #TTTT #theTrend
@Fintan_Florence: Abel Mutua should apologize to Women!!! How dare he??? #TTTT #SoDisappointed!!!!”
Tabitha Kibugi @Kibugi_Tabitha : Abel Mutua just made a loose comment that will cost her.
Nudi Orawo @Nudie: Abel Mutua?? Really. Nothing justifies violence..ever! Shame on you #TTTT
Miss Fintanne @Fintan_Odhiambo Oh hell no!!! Abel Mutua did not just support domestic violence on a national tv!!! #Disappointed #TTTT CC: @LarryMadowo @CiruMuriuki
RÂ$ĦЄЄÐ @rashebra: Abel Mutua should stfu! Supporting gender violence on live tv? No wonder Ciru has lost her cool! #TTTT
Cornered for his insensitive comment, Abel went on to tweet this apology:
Juliet Achieng needs no introduction.
Back in the day when she was not making jaws drop to the floor with her modeling talent, she was wowing people with her beauty and a smile that about changed the Kenyan concept of “Miss Kenya” for you see, Juliet was crowned miss Kenya in the year of our lord, 2004. Beating hundreds of contestants to the much coveted Tiara.
After her exit from the throne, Juliet threw her weight to her first love, Music; she released amongst other afro-beat hit songs , my absolute favorite “The way you love me”- Singing of a feeling we all have lofty imaginations of, “love”.
Now to follow up on her recently released audio to the song “iting’ Owa” Juliet has done a video for the same, cementing herself as the undisputed queen of the afro-beat. In her new video, she features the multi-faceted, talented Akebulan to balance the song by blending two rich voices that speak of the profundity of love in a language called “Music”
“Iting’Owa” explores the other side of love, the sound of Niagara falls as a million droplets cascade down the precipice, Iting’owa, is indeed the perfect infusion of afro-beat and a song that is worth listening to.
Watch the video below:
If there is one artist whose name has been tarnished time and again, then that must be Willy Paul. But the gospel singer is cautioning against this tide saying it has serious repercussions for Kenya’s music.
Willy is not only concerned about people taking shots at him alone, no. He’s expressing the plight of all other artists; he is worried about mass condemnation instead of mass support.
The gospel singer wants Kenyans to borrow a leaf from the neighboring Bongo. He envies how Tanzanians have given Diamond of unwavering support to raise the name of their nation.
The grumbling singer warns that if Kenyans don’t change their peculiar behavior the country’s music could as well as remain stunted.
“We fight one another instead of helping and figuring out how to get to the next level and raising our flag to other Nations. Look at Tanzania, they’ve given Diamond Platnumz all the support just to raise the name of their Nation. If we don’t change now, then our music industry will never be taken seriously.” Willy wrote in part.
Willy has been implicated in numerous scandals, perhaps it’s time folks from the 254 stop criticizing artists and sing their praise. Maybe then they will start winning awards like Diamond.
Last week, Sauti Sol spent much of their time in Kisumu holding several shows for the entertainment crazy city.
They got all the love one would want from adoring fans especially female ones and their performances were thrilling experiences. When they invited fans to join them on stage, they experienced the real deal . Given the reputation ladies from the lakeside have as regard to the booty size and dancing skills, they did not disappoint giving Sauti Sol and other revelers a real Shake yo Bam Bam experience. Here is the video
And the wait is finally over!
Janet and Eddie Ndichu have finally welcomed their firstborn son and truth be told, he is as cute as a button. Eddie announced the arrival of his son Ethan Huru Ndichu with this:
Ethan Huru Ndichu.
The heir is born!
We thank God for the safe arrival of our son.
Aww! Congratulations to the Ndichus on the arrival of their firstborn!
Looking at Bishop Allan Kiuna right now you wouldn’t tell that a year ago, he was the owner of an extended waist with fat rolls all over his body.
His trimmed down body right now is that of an athlete allowing him to enjoy the luxury of tailored fit in clothes. The transformation is just incredible for someone who at one time weighed 126 kilograms. Here is the before and after photo just after 10 months.
Weight loss programs have become so popular in Kenya approaching something in the mould of a fad. This is especially true among women who had developed a lethargic attitude towards exercising. Well, it seems now older men are also keen to develop the healthy habits and they sure should. More and more celebrities are working out and this is catching on with most of their fans.
Ruth Gakii hit the headlines for better part of last week after her abusive Papua New Guinean ex husband, who works for UNEP, gave her dog’s beating. Lot of stories have since popped from her predicament.
Last Friday the country was shocked by the action of Ruth’s father. Lot of news outlets reported that Ruth’s father was demanding Kes 40 million from Alphonse Kambu (Ruth’s ex husband) in order to forgive him for his barbaric act.
Apparently the dad isn’t a lunatic who overlooks his daughter’s torture for the lure of money like it was earlier reported.
Ruth Gakii has come out to discredit claims her father demanded Kes 40 million from Alphonse in order to forgive him for battering his daughter.
Speaking to Nairobi News, Gakii said she didn’t know where the news originated from, she however affirmed her father DIDN’t ask her ex hubby for money.
Credit: Nairobi News
The comrades at the UON are best known for their approach on matters affecting them.
Led by their outspoken, no chills Chairman Babu Owino, the students take to the streets at the slightest provocation. This time round the student’s body is up in arms against the popular Nairobi Club 1824. The students are against what they term as harassment and molestation at the hands of the bouncers and staff of the club.
In a letter to the Inspector General of police, the SONU chairmain notifies the authorities of the intended peaceful demonstration and explaining their plight. Apparently, one student was grievously injured by the club’s bouncers and is now hospitalized. Here is the letter,
The Citizen TV anchor decided to take her baby shower celebration to a public place maybe because of the high number of guests attended.
Janet Mbugua held her baby shower over the weekend at the scenic Zen Garden which is located close Spring Valley.
For those that don’t know, baby shower is women-only social gatherings meant celebrate impending or recent birth. For Janet Mbugua’s case, it was impending birth.
Everything is now set for the arrival of the little one in Janet’s womb. Baby shower is the final celebration before he arrives.
Janet’s colleagues within media fraternity turned up for her baby shower to give her support as she edges to the final phase of her 9 month journey.
Anne Kiguta, Sally Mbilu, Evelyn Wambui, Olive Gachara among other popular female faces were some of the guests that attend the baby shower.
The next two Jeff Koinange Live shows will not be screened from the usual site at Intercontinental Hotel.
The reason for this is because Jeff Koinange has decided to hit the road. The show has decided to get to the counties and the first two will be in Bomet on Wednesday 28th and then go to Uasin Gishu County on Thursday 29th. Bomet County governor Isaac Ruto is set to grace the Bomet gig as the main guest and along with other residents and politicians in the two counties have expressed their joy and excitement ahead of the trip.
Diamond Platinumz is the 2015 MTV EMA Wordwide Act Winner in the Africa India Category.
By winning in the competitive segment, the Bongo artiste has not just cemented his place as one of the biggest artist in the continent but also pointed to his growing influence at the continental stage. Nothing portrayed this more clearly than the love and affection he got from the fans in a predominantly white audience given at the ceremony held in Milan, Italy.
Having won every major award in the continent and dominating MTV awards as well as the AFRIMMA, the only award left is the Grammy in the World music category recently won by Angelique Kidjo. Congratulations to the winner and easily the most hardworking artiste in the East African region.
Sorry guys, Sarah Hassan has been taken, you can go hunting somewhere else just in case you harbored ambitions!
Do I smell another high profile celebrity wedding? Yes, the tell tale sign is out for everybody to see. The all beautiful Sarah Hassan could be walking down the aisle soon.
Lots of dudes have been asking who Sarah Hassan has been dating. Well, the age long question has now been answered, by the Discovery 254 host herself.
Sarah dashed to the social media to break the good news. (She also broke the hearts of many prospecting suitors.)
“Yesterday, the love of my life asked me to marry him and I said YES.” Sarah wrote.
Just like that, the sultry presenter is off the market. Well, the lucky ninja didn’t fly her to wilderness like Sharon Mudia’s fiancé to ask her for her hand in marriage.
He did in some inhabited place. And Sarah couldn’t wait to smear a kiss on his cheeks after he opened his heart. Seems she had waited for it for years.
So who is the lucky dude? See him in the photo grid below;
So much happened over the past weekend, including Chelsea increasing their chances for playing in the second division of EPL. Yesterday MTV Europe Music Awards (EMA) went down in Milan, Italy, and it was worth the time i stuck my eyes on the telly, believe me. We will be updating you on EMA later. For now sample the hottest articles we have for you this Monday morning:
#2Janet Mbugua and Eddie Ndichu Prepare For the Birth of Their Child like Hollywood Parents (Photos)
#3Sonko’s Dashing Daughter She Shows Off Her Assets In A Tiny Bikini (Photos)
#4While Huddah Is Gallivanting In France, Capital F.M’s Joe Muchiri Reignites Their Nasty Beef
#6‘Workaholic’ Betty Kyallo Has Dennis Okari Worried Over Honeymoon
#9Tanzania’s Songbird Vanessa Mdee Had This To Say About Citizen Tv’s Lulu Hassan
#10Parents of the Woman Beaten Senselessly By Her Asian Husband Demand 40 Million for Forgiveness
Aaahh…friendships between socialites, it’s a fickle thing isn’t it?
One time they are hugging it all out, calling each other their ‘ride or dies’ and having the grandest of times and another time, Huddah is getting dragged by her edges all over Twitter.
But before I get into the latest episode of their ongoing row, let’s take a walk down memory lane shall we? Once upon a time, back when Huddah Monroe rocked weaves, Huddah and Joe Muchiri were thicker than thieves, partying together and sharing secrets like friends do.
Then all hell broke loose and the two took to social media in a fight that got uglier by the second. Joe was on that slut-shaming tip while Huddah stabbed him where it hurts the most, she took shots at his mother.
Something that eons on, continues to vex Joe and it seems he cannot just let the sleeping dogs lie. Today he took shots at Huddah once again, poking fun at how she shares photos of herself chilling at the JKIA lounge.
Ever since it was announced that Dru Hill will be performing if in Kenya, the media fraternity went into a frenzy and now that the group landed the fever pitch has hit a crescendo.
The top media personalities have all been struggling to get an interview or a piece of the celebrated group. Well not everyone is approaching it the same way though, the sultry pair of Patricia Kihoro and Talia Oyando decided to work on their dance moves and man they do rock…especially in those tights. Feast/learn from the videos below
Honeymoons are meant for endless leisure and relaxation. They are some of the moments where no one will complain of being ignored if you do not pick the calls or attend to their needs.
Well for new weds Dennis Okari and Betty Kyalo that may not be totally true. Betty Kyallo seems to find the extra time a bit too much and keeps herself busy something which Dennis blames on her being a workaholic. He shared pictures of her totally engrossed in what is supposed to be a relaxing time with the following caption’ Once a workaholic always a workaholic. My wife can’t resist the temptation.
If a nice six pack, beautiful chocolate skin and a chest with wiry hairs is the kind of thing that floats your boat, then this is for you.
Emmanuel Ikubese has been slaying the ladies since his days in USIU and he continues to do so as an actor on Shuga and as Mr. Nigeria.
Today being Friday, Emmanuel decided to get naughty and show off his torso and the ladies got a clear view of his impressive six pack and chest.
Dennis and Jacque were spotted exchanging saliva in public and this sparked all sort of imaginations. The Director of Digital Communication in the Office of the President yesterday send Jacque a message and Kenyans put him to task to explain the nature of the relationship he has with the Citizen TV anchor.
So the President’s frontman in digital platform decided to congratulate Jacque Maribe over her ‘promotion’. Jacque is sitting in for Janet Mbugua who is on maternity leave.
“Congratulations Jacque Maribe as your take up your new role at Monday Special. You are a statement of possibilities. Your brand may not be understood at times, but one thing is for sure, you have been patient, hardworking and focused. You fight for your space, it is never handed over to you. Impressive.” Dennis applauded Jacque.
He decorated his message with MANY photos of the Citizen TV anchor. Kenyans were keenly watching his moves and they demanded explanations from him.
The intriguing question was; Is Dennis Itumbi dating Jacque Maribe?
Well, Dennis is actually very engaging and VERY tolerant to criticisms. Imagine he answered all the questions and gaffe thrown at his face.
Tim Njiru Muriithi: Dennis Itumbi I have been following the Maribe connection and Itumbi. Are you guys an item?
Dennis Itumbi: Haha we are news items at least for blogs
Mukiri Hani: I envy your patience and tolerance dennis itumbi just how you absorb this negative energy from your followers at times!!
Dennis Itumbi: I do because with me is good people like you, who see strength in my weakness. For you I stand strong
Shaltuti Shaban: Congrats Jacque Maribe. Dennis Itumbi. Sir, should we read in between the lines?
Dennis Itumbi: No. The lines are boldly typed
James Ndwiga: Watu Wengine wakipenda ata Nzi hazifahamu Dennis Itumbi it becomes news because everyone waited for that time when you would go public. Tell Kenyans when is the wedding.
Dennis Itumbi: Hahaha I wish we would swap places. Silent would be really good way to say I Do
Kipkorir Reuben: Your congratulatory message doesn’t catch her attention, how do you feel, Dennis Itumbi?
Dennis Itumbi: She is a Proverbs 31 woman
Kanario Nkunini: Following…..I think its the high time we baked another cake this time round with
Dennis Itumbi: Agreed college mate
Prince Tosh Miriti: Huyu ndo Mrs Itumbi for those in the dark
Dennis Itumbi: She is not that cheap. She cannot be Mrs.Itumbi that easily. The title and honours of Mrs.Itumbi will be conferred before friend and family…as the sun shines bright…she drags a white dress of her style and kissed as camera rolls..it cannot be conferred on FB
As Holy Dave prepares to pursue his PHD at Nairobi University, another gospel musician has graduated today.
Muriuki Kagiri from the award winning group Christ Cycoz today graduated with honors in Information Technology. He took to soil media to reminiscence about the lessons university has taught him.
“University… Man, I’ve learnt more in those four short years than I have learnt in my entire life.
Most of these lessons per se, were brought about by decisions and choices I made over the course of the four years. “Experience is the best teacher”, they said. I’m vouching for them, whoever ‘they’ are.” he wrote.
Before going on to add “Weirdly enough, last night I had a dream that acted as a reminder of some ‘mistakes’ I’ve made, which really hit me hard as I’d forgotten and moved past some of those. No, scratch that, all of those. However, as hard hitting as that reminder was, I choose to look on the brighter side of things. If it weren’t for those decisions I made, I probably wouldn’t be the guy I am today.
The decisions I made altered the course of my life in one way or the other and moulded me into the Kagiri you know today. Everything happens for a purpose, and we know everything works together for good for those who love the Lord (Romans 8:28). Ultimately, I’m happy and content with who and where I am today.
But one thing is for sure… I went in there a boy, I came out a boy. A boy who knows that the honor and privilege of being called a MAN is earned, not given – – – Muriuki Kagiri, BSc. IT”
It all started with Zawadi Nyong’o taking to Twitter accusing popular blogger Biko Zulu of being a misogynist for apparently failing to give her credit for all her hard work in the Jadudi Campaign in a Business Daily interview.
But the rug was pulled rather unceremoniously from under her by a Twitter user who revealed that Jadudi’s bills been catered for by NHIF and yet in all her campaigns and media interviews, Zawadi failed to mention that.
“What happened to the millions that were donated?” The Twitter user asked. Further taking Zawadi into a corner by tweeting “VERY many people get turned down by the government when they seek funds to go for treatment outside. BUT there are those that get lucky.”
Zawadi then took to Twitter to defend herself amid jeers from dissatisfied KOT who were pissed off that she did not give information about NHIF involvement. Biko then took to his blog to clear the air in his blog
But the drama did not stop there with the blogs running with this story calling the #1millionforjadudi a scam.
Former Hot 96 presenter took to social media to rubbish this story by Nairobi News:
This article is BULL CRAP!
Firstly Zawadi Nyongo is not ACF’s CEO!!!
Secondly have you read the JADUDI REPORT? Very transparent!
It is unprofessional articles like these that frustrate the efforts of crowd funders. I have interacted with both Jadudi and Zawadi and nothing has been more clear, he STILL needs treatment.
ACF is doing marvelously in their efforts to create awareness about the need for early detection and screening. Cancer is the 3rd highest killer in Kenya. Organisations like ACF and Faraja Cancer Support Trust are doing their bit to ensure that when NHIF are slow to respond, patients don’t pass on
I am so saddened by the pettiness of it all !
Some time back, church leaders from the major denominations in the land dominated the local religious sphere. It is the day when Former Catholic Archbishop Nding’i Mwana Wa Nzeki shared the same media coverage as the president.
It was the day the likes of David Gitari’s opinion was sought even on minute matters like national holidays. The traditional dominant denominations had power that catapulted even diocese heads to national and international fame. Not anymore, they may still have larger numbers but their leaders influence aside from the church members amounts to naught.
They are national figures in their own right whose opinion on societal issue gets to you whether you are part of the herd under their stewardship or not. They are also above the petty miracle merchants who thrive on cheap tricks. These are men and women with class, mostly with professional training and all have theological training. They combine the authority of their platform with the force of their personalities to make quite striking figures whatever your view of them. Here are the 8 most influential Church leaders in Kenya in no particular order.
Bishop David Oginde- Christ is The Answer Ministries
David Oginde is the presiding Bishop of CITAM formerly Nairobi Pentecostal Church. He leads a church with over 45,000 people. His way and mannerisms is that of a sober intellectual cultivating for himself the respect of the audience by his articulate and measured way when on the media platform. He has become one of the most relied upon church leaders by the Kenyan media when seeking the spiritual take on a number of issues hence his frequent TV appearances. He has a matser in…. and sometime back became a subject of national discussion with his push to have CITAM become the first ISO certified church in Kenya.
Bishop Mark Kariuki
The head of the Deliverance Churches Community does his thing from the hallowed podium of House of Bread Church in Nairobi. By experience alone he has outlasted many of his counterparts even from the major denominations in a career spanning over 20 decades. He has been received and has attended to all manner of dignitaries. His passionate delivery and discussions make you believe in another world he would have been comfortable as an activist. To get an idea of his influence, he is the Presiding Bishop of all Deliverance churches around the globe which to about 1200 churches. He is married to Joyce Kariuki a pastor also and has three children and two grandchildren.
Pastor Muriithi Wanjau
The senior pastor of Mavuno church is the personification of the modern day influential church leader. He is young, has professional qualifications aside from theological training, cool, eloquent and versed with modern trends. He founded a church whose tenets envision a pragmatic approach on the gospel and life in what was then a ground breaking move. Mavuno Church has become synonymous with the youth, young professionals and celebrities as well as its headline grabbing contemporary issues. He has a degree in Biochemistry from the UON and a Masters in Theology from the Fuller Theological Seminary. He is not the flashy kind of pastor and has to be among the few pastors in this list those under him get to have equal or more limelight. He is married to Campus sweetheart Carol and has more than a decade experience with the church.
Prophet Dr. David Owuor
Larger than life is perhaps how you aptly describe the personality that id Dr. David Owuor or Prophet as him and his followers would have. He boasts a huge CV of academic qualifications and still yet a humber background as a street preacher but the present guy is different. He doesn’t collect offerings yet he moves around in sleek guzzlers. From Raila to Ruto to Uhuru and their cronies have all at one time been recipients of his prayers. His regional meetings have crowds from far coming to attend and at he is a frequent guest in Media Houses. His controversial prophecies and the requirements for members of his church/Ministry are just as huge as his influence. Few pastors elicit such emotion and loyalty from followers like him and he is without a doubt one of the most influential personalities in this country.
Bishop Margret Wanjiru
The presiding bishop of Jesus Is Alive ministries is the archetype of a Pentecostal pastor with her own church. She is rich as several others in the list, she is controversial, has a big title and is also a telelevangelist. She went one further when she successfully ran for parliament and later did give Sonko quite a tight race for the senatorial race. With Margret controversy is not always far but she seems to be one of those who thrive in it. She still has political ambitions making her pretty an influential church leader and politician. Her rivalry with Dr.Owuor which spilled over to the internet was quite telling and stuff for movie dramas.
Pastor Julian Kyula
Reverend Julian Kyula is not your ordinary pastor. He is among the few who are able to do their ministering and still handle their professional work. The founder of the Purpose Center Church is also the founder of MODE (Mobile Decisioning) a nano-financing platform which began as an unknown start-up and has grown to a multi-million company with presence in over 20 countries servicing over 100 million customers and in partnership with MTN and Airtel. The motivational speaker ministers both business gems as well as the gospel and among the youth and young professionals, his church’s popularity can only be compared to Mavuno Church. His business acumen and church popularity make him quite a celebrated and influential figure in Kenya and beyond.
Bishop and Reverend Kiuna
The ultimate power couple and showbiz church leaders around. These couple who are the leaders of the Jesus Celebration Center are snobiish, bullish flashy and seem to have mastered to art of getting the media and thus the whole nation focused on them. Armed with theological qualifications, charisma and a skill to dare, these two have one of the most popular worship locations and can even afford to lock out a certain section of the people. They have several TV shows coupled with a number of themed conferences and a multitude of projects. They are among the most controversial churches but few other couples even outside church can match the influence and lifestyle these two lead.
Bishop JB Masinde
I had to end the list with a less flashy but still prominent pastor. The Bishop of the Umoja Deliverence Church is also the General Secretary of Deliverance Churches Community. With over 30 years in the ministry and a reputation as an accomplished minister, JB Masinde commands influence and respect even among colleagues and various international forums.
Salma Mbuvi is arguably the most famous of the Sonko sisters and she certainly had team Mafisi on alert when she shared some sexy photos of herself.
Salma turned up the heat as she frolicked and posed by the pool at the coast looking slim and toned in her gold and snake skin bikini.
Check her out below:
As I write this, Vanessa Mdee is currently one of the hottest East African acts around; she even got to hang out with Jay-Z recently and take a tour of Kanye West’s closet.
Anyhow the ‘Hawajui’ songbird recently sat down for an interview with the beautiful Lulu Hassan where she also got to her new jam ‘Never Never’ perform for the first time.
It seems that Lulu made a really good impression on Vanessa as she has this to say about her:
Too much love to the gorgeous Lulu_Hassan wifi wa ukweli kabisa kwa kaka Rashid. Not only is she a great anchor her kindness mashallah . Asante
They say that everything has a price and even forgiveness can be bought.
Parents of Ruth Gakii who was pummeled by her Papua Guinean spouse till she was black and blue are now demanding 40 Million shillings as compensation for how their daughter was beaten.
Once the money is given, Samuel the father to Gakii might be willing to talk things over and maybe forgive the UNEP batterer identified as Alphonse Kambu.
Alphonse: Photo Courtesy
Alphonse, apparently tried to apologize to Gakii’s family via text but the father is hearing none of it. “I rejected the apology because he was trying to kill my daughter. And he did not call, he just texted me. We are demanding him to compensate our daughter first. “Samuel told the Star
Alphonse apparently beat Gakii while their 3 year old child watched it all go down.
Ruth:Photo Courtesy
No disrespect to the parents but in my opinion, her father should be demanding justice and not demanding money! So what happens next? The two reconcile through the family’s intervention and the child continues to witness the abuse of his mother? We all know that kids who grow up in abusive homes often become fearful and anxious and sometimes they grow into abusers. And the unfortunate cycle continues .
We all know that the exceptionally talented Ray-C has dropped a couple of kilograms and is back to that svelte figure many knew her for.
Apparently, people have been asking her to delete the photos of when she was on the heavier side. Something which she says she will not do as a way of encouraging people and reminding them that nothing is impossible as long as you put your work into it.
She shared this photo of when she was heavier and a photo of a much slimmer her.
Captioning this photo “…nimeweka picha hii kuonyesha tofauti ya Ray C Chibonge aka Zena na Ray C Chikonda aka Betina!Kiukweli hakuna linaloshindikana!wengi wananambia futa picha zote za unene kwenye hii page afu niweke za mwili huu but I don’t think its the right thing to do!!!!acha zikae ili mjue kuwa hakuna linaloshindikana kwa binadam yyt ukiweka nia utafanikiwa tu!”
The first time I heard of a Doula, was in an episode of ‘Keeping Up With The Kardashians ’ when one of the sisters wanted to have a water birth.
And over time I heard many Hollywood celebrities swear by them .Celebrities like Tia and Tamera Mowry, Nicole Kidman ,Alyson Hannigan have employed the services of one to ease them through delivery.
Simply put, a doula is a nonmedical person who lends a hand a woman before, during, and/or after childbirth, as well as her spouse and/or family, by providing physical assistance and emotional support. It sounds a lot like a midwife, but the difference between a doula and a midwife is that a midwife is more of a healthcare provider than a birth companion.
Janet and Eddie with their Doula (Photo Credits :@ni_charlie )
Anyhow, the Ndichu’s are employing the help of a doula in preparation for their son Clarke, something which Janet says has helped a lot as with a doula you do not have to grope in the dark as she gives you important advice. She also encourages women to go to Lamaze classes, something that is also quite popular among Hollywood celebrities.
Janet and Eddie during a Lamaze class (Photo Credits :@ni_charlie )
Read more about her experience with Doula’s and Lamaze here
Sure the long arm of the Law can be quite fast at times.
Former Nairobi mayor George Aladwa has been arrested by the Flying Squad police. The former Nairobi Mayor was arrested at the Railways Club and is being held at the Kilimani Police Station. The arrest comes after a directive by DPP Keriako Tobiko which instructed the relevant bodies to expedite investigations regarding remarks he made at a rally in Kibra.
While the fast action by the police is laudable, it also brings into question the perceived discrimination by the government when acting against hate remarks given the slow action it took against Mp Moses Kuria. The reason why Flying Squad was the selected for the arrest also begs several questions.
“Hey Ololufe, Angel of my life, the love I have for you is so real and how can I be your Mr. Right?” Those were the sweet words Nigeria’s Flavour was heard singing to one Juliana Kanyamozi, the Uganda songstress.
She sat there awed and mesmerized seeming to enjoy every sweet word coming out of Flavour’s mouth. Mind you Flavour was doing the same thing last year but at the time his seduction tactics were geared towards Kenya’s Victoria Kimani.
They were caught getting cozy on numerous occasions and I’m really curious how that went. This was happening during the airing of Coke Studio Season 2 and the two really became the talk of the town; their chemistry simply out of this world. Season 3 recently premiered on Citizen TV a couple of weeks back and the script hasn’t really changed, at least of one Flavour.
Different season, different attractions it appears. Check him out really bringing out his sentimental side on this mash up:
Top gospel artist, Bahati newly launched EMB Records has been a beehive activity and the first results are out.
When the artiste launched the label, there were questions on the kind of artists to be signed and how they will be managed. Well, Bahati has answered all doubters and won more by his new signing Weezdom after the release of his first hit; Faham.
Weezdom’s first song is sure to become a hit and showcases a young artist to watch out for. Weezdom is sure to get better but his handling of the song, the several one liners and the impeccable flow mark him as a real talent and are evident throughout the song. The monotone beat is fast paced making this an easy to dance to and sing along song.
The only problem I have with the song is the too much chorus for quite short and few lines. You get the feeling the lines were created to break the hook and not the other way round. Kudos to to Bahati for not looming in the video and song background and letting the young artist shine on his own. It is something many big artistes with labels should learn.
The crown in the jewel is the video. The simple concept, proper lighting and the location ensure an exciting well balanced shoot. I think Young Wallace work gets under-appreciated at times. ‘Faham’ makes you anxious to see what else EMB Records has in store.
Top Musician Susumila and actress Kibibi Salim had a a low profile wedding yesterday.
The invite only wedding was attended by close friends and family and was carried out in accordance to Muslim customs devoid of any expensive embellishments luxurious overtones. It still was a colorful ceremony happening in the Mtopanga area. The ceremony comes at a time when the singer had fended off accusations of neglecting his children from the first marriage terming them as baseless and aimed at detracting him from progressing his career. Here are photos of the event.
The government could be broke but Kenyans are not. Sorry, SOME Kenyans. The brand new exorbitant cars people are driving tell you money is not a problem to some City residents.
While you are still struggling to get to the CBD in your secondhand Toyota saloon car, some heavyweight in the city is rolling in a high-end British made sport car.
A red Jaguar F type Coupe has been causing heads to turn whenever it passes in the city. The car’s elegance is irresistible to the eyes of Nairobians.
The fine piece of British engineering comes at a cost most ‘normal’ people wouldn’t invest such a colossal amount on an automobile.
Jaguar F type Coupe is retailing at $94,075 or Kes 9.6 million on international market. The Kenyan ninja who bought it must have parted with a figure slightly higher than that.
See photos of the Jaguar below;
Kenyans are renown for their hard core party culture. Unlike other African Countries,excluding,with much pain,Uganda,Nigeria and South Africa,Kenyans can truly party. We do know how to throw a show,we do know how to dress up,show up at a party,get down,get stoned,drunk or whatever. Besides sleeping and politicking over trivialities,clubbing is greatest adventure. And we do love a good one.
But obviously,despite our mutual love for clubbing and partying and getting irredeemably high,channeling our inner most Lamar Odom, we DON’T do it the same way. Some of us like partying in a classy,swanky Uptown parlor,others love to live it up in the downtown dinghies,some of us love the exquisite,imported liquors while some of us will settle for anything locally brewed and potent.
Depending on our pockets,socialization,backgrounds and friends,we party differently but still,the results are the same; ratchetness,runaway drunkenness,rowdiness,filthiness and mental incoherence.
And in a bid to understand just how different Kenyans in different towns and localities party,what ticks them,what music they love to get down to,what beer they love to take and just how they carry themselves in a club,I decided to singlehandedly hit 80% of the clubs in Kenya. Just to party with these different types of people and to not just share a beer with them but also some vibes and energies.
And last weekend,I partied it up in Meru. Yup,the Land Of Kangeta (Miraa)
Much has been said,or missaid,about Meru… It’s a town located to the faaaarrr East of Kenya. It’s actually a very beautiful and clean town,with very cultured and industrious individuals,but when the sun goes down… The wolves come prowling.
This is HOW MERU PEOPLE PARTY…
For a start,Meru is blessed with some really nice and swanky clubs,not excluding the tacky and sleazy ones. And while most people in Meru do earn good salaries and/or make good money from their various businesses,others don’t fare so well…
So,what’s it like in a typical Meru Nightclub?
Miraa-Chewing
Amid the loud,disconcerting music,the sweat and the tacky groin rubs on the dance floor,Most Meru men will be found allover the club chewing miraa and lost deep in thought. Either that or chewing miraa and engaged in deep conversations with their partners who, just like them,also have their mouths full of the green stuff forming a protruding ball out of their cheeks. Miraa chewing is a prominent pass time in Meru and one of the biggest ways to get high,pass the time,have a good time and party. You will find them all over the place… Chewing the night away,lost in a reverie.
Pool
Most Meru clubs,especially the backstreets ones,have a pool section for the pool lovers in the house who,in most cases,are almost about everyone in the Club. You will find them allover the place,Pool sticks in hand and cursing loudly and being generally loud and pompous. Playing pool is quite a huge pastime for Meru people and they do it while gathered around the pool table,beer in hand and,you guessed it,chewing miraa. No party is ever complete without some pool in the Meru nightlife.
Rowdiness
Even when sober,Meru people are known to be loud and hot-tempered. It gets worse when they indulge. Drunk,the Ameru people can be quite a piece of work. They’re loud and boisterous and tempestuous and all over the place. Men and women alike. High and excited,their mouths go into overdrive and they’ll be all over the place,disturbing the peace and being a general nuisance.
Music
Meru clubs rarely play international music. And even when they do,it’s usually quite sparse and not so huge in rotation. Ameru party goers prefer local music. And dared,they can take this whole local business too far. They love dancing along to the Kristoffs and the Kansouls and the Grandpa Records tunes over and over. They’re huge fans of Nairobi pop music and the Deejays will give it to them just as they like it. Internationally,they prefer Jamaican riddims which is what sends them flying off their chairs onto the Dancefloors… Most of which are squeezed open spaces with little space to even move leave alone break a leg.
Odd Coupling
From club to club,Meru people believe in random coupling; walking up to a female target and,drunk,chatting her up hoping to dance with her or take her home(assuming you have one). The women in most of these clubs are themselves tacky and easy to chat up,and the men,armed with that information,spend their whole night trying to couple up and find a mate. And once they like each other,these random couples can put up quite an ugly show ; dancing awkwardly with each other and,if drunkenness allows, even sort of making out around the club. Yuck!
Dress code
Meru people have never been famous for dressing up. To them,all that matters is having a good time,dress code notwithstanding. So,unlike in some other cities,where people show up dressed to kill,the average Meru club goer will show up dressed to impress,alright but still,looking sort of drab and plain. They don’t dress too crazy for the club. And the girls don’t try either. Whatever clothing they found in the wardrobe is mostly what they’ll throw over themselves. And hit the town.
Chafua Meza
Leave it to these people. When to comes to littering the table with all manner of drinks and stuff,Meru people can show you how it’s done. Unlike in some towns where club goers buy just a couple beers and go home,bringing little or no profit to the bar owner,the Meru people are good at buying off the whole bar. And drinking the business down. They’ll show up and order for as many as 5 bottles of whatever EABL bottle at a go. And the orders will keep coming and coming. They’re heavy drinkers. And heavy spenders. But hey, they’re filthy rich!
Black out
Typically,like in most Kenyan clubs,the Meru are good at blacking out… They’re get drunk quick,play a bout of pool,chew themselves away and,before long,they’ll be sprawled on the chairs and corridors,especially in the cheap bars,dead asleep and unable to even move…. Till morning,in most cases.
Dancing
When it comes to breaking the sleekiest moves on the floor,the Ameru party goers are not so blessed. They’re generally poor dancers. But they’re not shy to hit the floor. Also,dance-wise,they show up on the floor for anything. Any song will get them dancing riddim,local,mugithi… They’re given to anything once they’re drunk. And will put up the ugliest dance show ever. Blame it on what? Miraa?
But in general,the AmerUcan people are huge party lovers. And they can really put on a show… If only they can dress right,shut up more,embrace a wider music repertoire and dance better.
On Monday: HOW WESTLANDS PEOPLE PARTY.
Game on! Saturday is going to be explosive because hip hop meets Rnb. American artists are already in the 254 ready to rock Nairobi revelers.
Remember ‘Unleash The Dragon’ singer? Sisqo the popular American singer is in Kenya. He was accompanied by his Dru Hill singing group (he was a member of the group which was VERY popular in the 1990s.)
The Americans touched down last night and will be performing at PRC Saturday Concert. They are also set to meet their fans at Ebony Lounge in Westlands.
More details coming. For now, see photos of their arrival at JKIA;
