This morning, I woke up quite late. Blame it on binge-watching a full season of Mad Dogs. It was no big deal though. I took a quick shower, ate breakfast and rushed to the stage.
“Sabini tao”, I heard the conductor of my favorite matatu shouting
I was about to go plant myself on the remaining front seat when a hot chick appeared out of nowhere.
“Bro…acha huyu msupu akae hapo mbele. Wewe kalia huko nyuma,” he said
Normally I would protest against such an act of females being given special privileges but somehow I didn’t. I was beauty-struck. This was a different kind of chick. Her skin, precious like milk from Marakwet was glittering in the cold, gloomy weather. Her skirt covered the entire length of her thighs and stopped just above her knees. Her Brazilian weave flowed from her head to her back like the Tugela Falls. Goddamn
As she lifted a leg to enter the matatu, her skirt paved way, unwrapping itself from her thick fleshy legs. Everyone turned to look. I got lost too in the view, standing at the door, until one of the elder passengers had to shove me from fantasy.
“Boss si uingie gari twende”
I did, and soon we were on our way.
As the matatu maneuvered through the traffic jam to town, I couldn’t help but think of the girl. It pained me, sitting at the back and her at the front. If she would been next to me, I would have done something no doubt. Seducing women in matatus isn’t something new to me. I even wrote about how to do it HERE
I wanted to talk to her at least, to hear her voice. It had been long since I had such a morning obsession. What was I to do? I had to wait, hoping she wouldn’t alight before town.
Luckily she didn’t
As the matatu parked at the stag in town and everyone was getting off, I made my move. It’s called cold approaching (hollaing at a girl out of the blue)
It is perhaps the most labor-intensive method to get laid, involving a lot of frustration and disappointment. But it’s one that consistently works if you are persistent. The thing is only 40% of girls at any point are even open to talking to a strange guy in broad daylight, and a percentage of those would rather eat molten hot lead than go out with you on a date
But the advantage of approaching guys during daytime is the element of surprise. At night, girls expect you to talk to them, so they have up a titanium shield to defend against your advances, especially toward the end of the night when they’ve already been approached a hundred times. During the day, girls don’t expect you to talk to them, so the element of surprise works for you. You simply have to avoid being a dickhead.
I followed her from behind before blurting out a loud “excuse me”
She turned around to stare at me, at that moment, the view of her cleavage struck me like thunder. It’s never wise to focus your eyes on a woman’s breasts but these were the type f breasts to make the eyes revolt. The type to make the eyes say , “We are doing this, whether you like it or not…..we are looking at these breasts”
Like big cuddly honeybears, the breasts emerged from hibernation, climbing out into the emerging Nairobi sunshine, stretching out in the open air, and with near-mythic power grabbing the attention of everyone around. Their taut nipples and gently undulating femme-flesh seeming almost to smile and say: “Look at us! Look at us!”
At this point, I could have froze. Another guy would have froze. But after years of approaching, I learned that there’s never a reason to be afraid of rejection. It happens to every guy. There’s no grizzly bear with its jaws clamped around your neck, ready to eat you if she says ‘mschew’. There’s no biblical flood cornering you in a dark cave without hope of escape. You just have to try and if she says NO, it’s fine.
I had to pull a boss move. The thing is that most Nairobi girls value societal status, so boss moves always work with them
I sharpened my accent to be more deep and commanding
“Hello, My name is Philip Kunta. I am a contributor for BBC Africa. I am doing a survey on light skinned women in Africa and I just need to ask you a quick question. . Do you think men favor ladies such as you more than those who bare darker tones in their skin?” I asked.
“Oh…hello Kunta, BBC? That’s so cool. Are you Kenyan?”
“No…I am from Ghana. But I’ve grown up in Kenya. My mum is Kenyan.”
“Wow…nice” she was so impressed she almost forgot about my question
“I see you are in a hurry. I am somehow in a hurry too. Do you mind if we discuss the issue more over a lunch meeting? That way, I can get more detailed and precise information from you.”
“No problem, it’s cool.”, she agreed, just like I epected
“Okay, kindly key in your number on my Smartphone, I’ll contact you when I’m ready. “ I said while handing her my phone
Of course, when trying to seduce a high class girl, you should always try to make her meet you on your schedule, not hers. Show her that you are in control. In this case, I’m gonna call her on Friday or even next week. I want her to wait impatiently, wondering why the cool guy from Ghana never contacted her. This way, her anticipation will build to Everest levels and when I finally meet her, she will be melting under the power of my cocky conversation and physical escalation
Wish me luck guys. But wait. Do I really need luck? No…Etemesi never needs luck. Etemesi will bang his girl. That’s a promise
